All That I Am
by Otaku D-Man
Summary: Seventeenth Refrain Uploaded - (ShinjiRei) The Fifth Children makes his presence felt in more ways than one and secrets of Yui Ikari’s life are revealed to a degree.
1. First Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction 

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Still Don't Own Shin Seiki Evangelion. I Did Purchase the new 'Renewal' DVD (Region 2) and have a glut of toys, games, magazines, posters, wall scrolls, manga etc. My bank accounts hate me.

Author's Pre-Rant – 

As Promised, this is my second EVA Fanfic and my first attempt at a specific romantic pairing. Essentially I've just shattered whatever fan base I developed (A strange thing indeed). Gomenasai. (As for a sequel to 'Insight', No plans yet. And a Shinji/Mana fic is on the books. I am a fan of the green-eyed spy.)

To set things straight, this is my Shinji/Rei fic, set just after the Eleventh Angel Incident.

I'll probably gloss over a lot of the things that happened in the TV series (except where minor variations occur)

As established in Insight and Understanding - 

"Indicates the Spoken Dialogue"

Implies unspoken thoughts

All That I Am First Refrain – Dispassionate Eyes 

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV_**

Kouzou Fuyutsuki closed the folder now that he had finished reading the contents of the document it contained. "So they've asked for the Third Children". A brief smile played across his elderly, aristocratic features as he mentally digested the potential meaning of it all. "Yui-kun would be pleased with this sudden turn of events."

"Yes." The answer could be in response to one or both of Kouzou's statements. Gendou Ikari, Supreme Commander of NERV never offered more than a glimpse of his true thoughts.

The grey-haired Sub-Commander could not suppress his wry amusement at the situation. "I suppose it was just a matter of time. His actions during the sortie against the Tenth were ….."

"Unexpected." Once again Gendou provided a succinct one-word response.

Kouzou leaned back in his chair to idly study the System Sephirotica, the Tree of Life, in the ceiling. "As was your acknowledgement of his involvement." He recalled just how the man had actually praised the boy. Even if it had been via radio. "So what do you intend to do? It is unwise to deny their request outright."

"Perhaps. But deception is always necessary. Especially with adversaries of this calibre." Gendou continued to stare at nothing in particular as his mind further extrapolated the possible consequences of the most recent demand placed on him.

"So you will acquiesce to their demands." The question was rhetorical in the sense that both men knew that they had no real options or alternatives available to them.

"It is the only avenue available to us." The words, while indicating defeat, lacked any such sentiment. The tone was almost eager.

With an arched eyebrow, Kouzou studied the younger man. He had worked beside Gendou Ikari for over a decade. While many found him difficult to read, Kouzou saw more than most. "You're plotting already Ikari."

Grunting his acknowledgement at his one time professor's insight, Gendou continued to consider the ramifications of what he was about to set in motion. "Of course. Call Major Katsuragi and the Third Children in here."

"The Major will not be happy about this." Kouzou activated the communicator and issued the directive. "She appears to take her guardianship of him fairly seriously."

Gendou had to agree. The Major had developed something of a close relationship with his son. It remained to be seen whether such a bond would advance or hinder his scenario. Much hinged on them both blindly doing as they were told. At least until they were no longer necessary. "Undoubtedly. But she will do her job."

 Kouzou could not resist the opening. "Or else?"

No answer was forthcoming this time. In all honesty, he didn't expect one. He didn't need one. Very few people could claim to have thwarted Gendou Ikari. Very few living people.

***

**Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence**

Slamming the fridge door hard enough to shake the kitchen table and chairs, Asuka popped the tab on her can of soda and glared at the back of Shinji's head. "So why did the Commander specifically ask to see you Dummkopf? I thought you two didn't like each other."

Shinji flinched at the German girls pointed words. His relationship with his father was something he tried not to think too much about. Life was depressing enough to begin with without having one of the more painful components shoved down his throat. Pausing in his school studies, he stared at the textbook, not really seeing the pages as he recalled the discussion in his father's office. "Some people want to see me tomorrow. After school." He didn't want to tell exactly who wanted to see him. It would only complicate things.

The sly grin became a full-blown smirk as Asuka reached out and flicked his ear. "Which people? The Police? Some helpless girl report you for being a pervert?"

Shifting his head to stare at the floor near the girl's feet, unable to look her in the eye, he slowly shook his head. "No. Misato-san has all the details. It's something to do with that Angel incident. The one that fell from the sky." Realising the futility of trying to continue, Shinji closed his books and made to leave for the quiet comfort of his room.

"Oh. That one. The one **_I_** killed." Asuka threw at the boy as he retreated. She considered the boys quiet words. While he had answered her, he hadn't told her nearly enough to know what was going on. In the time since coming to live with Misato and Shinji, Asuka had drawn a number of conclusions about her colleagues. Misato was a lazy, slovenly tramp that was making every effort to steal Kaji-san away from her and the Third Children was a perverted idiot. Sparing another three seconds on the problem was more than enough as she concluded that whatever it was obviously wasn't important enough for the number one Evangelion Pilot to be bothered with. "Whatever Third Children." Deciding to cleanse her mind of the daily grind of having to attend school, she decided that a hefty dose of television was called for. At least until Misato decided to get out of the bathroom. After stealing the remote from Pen-Pen, Asuka switched the channel to something more suitable, eliciting a string of avian curses from the disgruntled warm water penguin.

***

Watching the steam rise listlessly from the waters surface, Misato Katsuragi considered, not for the first time, just what the hell Commander Ikari was thinking of. Recalling the mans almost casual indifference to the presence of his own son incensed her. Couldn't even call him by his name. Just kept referring to him as the Pilot of Unit 01 or Third Children. Maybe It'd help if Shinji-kun actually confronted him instead of staring at the floor and mumbling. Misato sighed. The chances of Shinji actually standing up for himself were remote perhaps even less than that where it involved his father. "Pen-Pen will probably learn to sing in fluent Japanese before that happens." The beer she had been drinking up until that moment snorted out of her nose as she choked on a laugh at the thought of her pet suddenly breaking into song. Staring at the wasted beverage as it mixed with the bathwater, Misato considered her options. "Asuka won't mind. I'm sure I read somewhere that Yebisu was good for the skin." Misato shrugged as she drained the rest of the can. Her thoughts returning to the conversation with the Commander and her wards reaction to it all. It seemed everything of late had her thinking about Shinji's pained face. He hasn't learned how to hide what he really feels. It's why he gets so hurt so easily.

***

Having acquired the peace and quiet he desperately sought, Shinji lay back on his bed and after activating his SDAT, stared at the ceiling. While he was looking at the ceiling, he wasn't actually 'seeing' the ceiling. His mind had turned inwards and was slowly replaying a conversation with his father. Not three weeks ago his father had praised his efforts in preventing an Angel from destroying Tokyo-3. Those simple words of gratitude. The fact that the man had referred to him by his first name. That simple memory continued to sustain him. Asuka had scoffed at his reasoning that night at the ramen stand but it didn't matter. His friend Kensuke had commented that his own father congratulated him on getting an A on the last history exam, whereas Shinji had saved the city. But he had defended himself to a degree. "I don't Pilot EVA for personal glory. If I could hear those words from father, that would be enough."

***

**Terminal Dogma**

Gendou clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to observe Rei Ayanami. The First Children was synchronising with the Dummy Plug system, focusing only on the required information necessary for transfer. "Are there any complications Doctor?"

Ritsuko Akagi, Chief Scientist for NERV quickly assimilated the data as it scrolled down a nearby data terminal. "Not at present. We're still having problems isolating a series of recent emotional characteristics in the system, but aside from that the Dummy Plug should be ready on schedule."

Emotional characteristics? Gendou contemplated the statement. He had raised Rei to ignore such insignificant things. "As long as the system works, it should be enough." Ignoring the not so subtle glance the blonde woman was directing at him, Gendou activated the speaker that would allow him to communicate with the girl as she floated naked in the LCL filled tube. "Rei that will be enough for today. You may leave. You will not be required tomorrow."

Opening her eyes, the Pilot of Unit 00 gazed dispassionately at the man that had essentially raised her. "Understood Commander Ikari." Rei waited patiently as Ritsuko activated the mechanism that drained the tube. Ignoring the fact that she was completely naked, the pale girl exited the room, heading for the nearby shower cubicle to rinse the viscous liquid from her body.

Ritsuko waited until she was definite that the blue haired albino was in the shower before she spoke. "Are we still on for tonight?"

Still staring at the now vacant tube, Gendou considered the sound of desperation in the woman's voice. So much like your mother. Just as easy to manipulate. "Of course."

Ritsuko smiled at the man's response. While it lacked the enthusiasm she longed to hear, his simple agreement in continuing their tryst was enough. "Then I'll see you at 9.00. I'll leave the door unlocked."

The routine was the same as it always had been. She would leave the door to her apartment unlocked as she waited for his arrival. Gendou was always punctual. Ritsuko shivered at the anticipation. She was determined to make Gendou love her. Just as she loved him. She would make him forget about her mother, Naoko, about Rei and Instrumentality. About Yui.

Had she stayed, Ritsuko would have seen the slight smirk appear on Gendou's face. Turning to leave, Gendou pushed his tinted glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he left .He still had a great many things to finalise before spending 'quality' time with Doctor Akagi. Things had a way of going wrong if he didn't personally oversee them.

***

Rei closed her eyes as the warm water sprayed over her face. Unlike her apartment, the heating unit for the water supply here was functional. Not that it really mattered to her. Only her purpose was of concern. The purpose defined by her creator, Gendou Ikari. He had instilled this into her from the day of her 'birth'. She was merely a tool engineered for a specific purpose. I am the designated Pilot of Evangelion Unit 00. It is my bond. It is all I am allowed. When I have fulfilled his ambitions, he will abandon me. He will grant me oblivion. I will be allowed to die. Having completed her hygiene requirements, Rei Ayanami exited the shower cubicle and quickly dried herself before retrieving her school uniform. Turning to leave for her apartment, Rei caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Pausing to regard her own reflection she studied the things that further set her apart from all others. Her pale skin, the blue hair and the red eyes. The Commander had explained that they were simply a genetic trait inherited from her Angelic biological donor while her human donor provided her with a physical form. "I am not either. I am myself." Satisfied with her self assessment, she began the journey home. The prolonged session today had exhausted her, both mentally and physically. Not that anyone other than the Commander would have recognised the telltale signs. And he was not particularly concerned. As long as she continued to live, she would perform to his expectations. To fail the Commander was to be replaced. For Rei, replacement was simply another term for death.

***

**_Kaji Residence._**

Ryouji Kaji, Special Inspector for NERV, and spy for at least two other organizations, reviewed his latest pilfered file. Once he finished it he quickly perused the key points again, committing the contents to memory before he removed any trace of the data. Leaning back in his chair he laughed softly as he dissected the information. "So that's what Commander Ikari was forced into. I must be slipping not to realise what was going on. Katsuragi would be disappointed." The unshaven man laughed once again as he considered just how his favourite lavender haired Captain, no, Major now, would react if she knew of his slip. "Well I can't disappoint them now can I?" He switched his computer off and decided to go pay some important informants a surprise visit. It always paid to stay up to date with the happenings of Tokyo-3.

***

**_Ayanami Residence – _****_Apartment_****_ 402_**__****

Entering her apartment, ignoring the accumulation of junk and other mail, Rei slipped her shoes off, her slippers on and after dropping her school satchel, preceded to remove her school uniform in favour of her customary nightshirt.

Starring dispassionately at her surroundings, she wondered, not for the first time, what had driven the Third Children to attempt tidying her apartment. Curious. It served no purpose. Yet I thanked him for his wasted effort. Words of gratitude……. The memory served to cause a light burning sensation in her cheeks. Unable and unwilling to comprehend the unusual response, she quickly abandoned the line of thought.

It had not taken long for chaos to once again overwhelm the drab room. The poor state of her accommodation was not important to the overall scheme of Commander Ikari's scenario. It was simply a shelter to rest and recover in. When not at school, as infrequent as that was, she spent her time at NERV Headquarters. The Commander's expectations would be met. There was simply no other alternative.

"I am not required at NERV tomorrow. I will attend school instead." Satisfied with her reasoning, Rei lay down and soon drifted off into a near dreamless slumber.

"…….Ikari-kun……" The words were half mumbled as the girl turned slightly in her sleep.

***

And here's my first ever ………

OMAKE 

**_Office of the Supreme Bastard_**

"So they've asked for the Third Children". Kouzou Fuyutsuki closed the latest issue of Penguin Club (Hentai Magazine) that he had borrowed from Pen Pen. "Perhaps it's just me but the stories seem even more twisted these days." He grabbed a tissue to wipe away the trickle of blood flowing from his nostril.

"Yes." The answer could be in response to one or both of Kouzou's statements. Gendou Ikari, Supreme Commander of NERV (and winner of 'Uncaring Deadbeat Dad' ten years running) never offered more than a glimpse of his true thoughts. I wonder if I can get both Akagi and Katsuragi drunk enough to sleep with me?

The grey-haired Sub-Commander could not suppress his wry amusement at the situation. "I suppose it was just a matter of time. His actions during the naked activation test were ….."

"Unexpected." Once again Gendou provided a succinct one-word response. Maybe Ibuki as well.

Kouzou leaned back in his chair to idly study the live footage piped in from the camera feed they had installed in the ladies change room. "As was your acknowledgement of his involvement." He recalled just how the man had actually praised the boy. "So what do you intend to do? It is unwise to deny their request outright."

"Agreed." Gendou's glasses slipped slightly down the bridge of his nose and his eyes widened slightly as he watched events unfold on the screen. Yes, definitely Ibuki as well!

***

**_End First Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

As usual, the EVA cast will be predominately 'In-Character' (I hope ^-^). Feel free to comment, disagree. My first fic was set after the TV Series and therefore the characters had developed a little more maturity (affording the author a degree of latitude.).

At this particular point, Shinji is still very withdrawn and afraid of contact (emotional, physical etc). Rei is almost in a social coma like state with her ferverent belief that she is a replaceable nothing. Asuka is continually trying to stay on top as the best Pilot and attempting to capture Kaji's eye.

The relationship will take time to develop. While I have a draft outline of how and where things will go, I'm not sure how far along the EVA timeline I'll end up. I suppose it will depend on the demands of those that read it.

As for the Omake, if you can't take the piss out of your own work, you're taking life way too seriously. Not sure if I'll do more, just wanted to give it a go.

Ja Ne


	2. Second Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction 

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain (Or any Evangelion Fanfiction disclaimer for that matter. It all boils down to the same thing. Gainax have it, not us.)

Author's Pre-Rant – 

You'll notice I haven't made mention of exactly what is in store for our young male protagonist. Can't help myself. Don't worry. All shall be revealed. And yes, at some point I'll actually get around to the relationship stuff, it just takes time considering the character personalities we're dealing with. So don't expect Rei to be throwing herself at the young Ikari Hedgehog anytime soon or vice-versa. I can understand the dangerous allure of OOC. But I still won't use it. Maybe I'll take requests. (And before you say/type it, I hear the 'crawl away and die' thing often enough as it is.)

PS – Yes Rei's Apartment is 402 (Stupid Writers fault, been a while since he last watched the series. Yes, essentially I'm writing this from memory. Scary stuff.) And one fairly major point I'll raise right now. If you are vehemently against the whole Shinji/Rei idea, why bother reading this. Just wait until my next story. I didn't want to have to say this but felt it was necessary. The whole Asuka/Shinji/Rei conflict has been done to death. Just enjoy the story. (Writer apologises for that.)

All That I Am Second Refrain – Revelations 

**_Tokyo-3 Municipal High School_**

"Hey Shinji….."

Shinji's audible moan caught the attention of his classmates as he lowered his head to the table in weary resignation. Some shook their heads, sympathising with his plight. The scene was replayed often enough that it was almost expected.

Please don't let him ask the question, the same question… NOT AGAIN, PLEASE KAMI-SAMA. Shinji's mind screamed, knowing full well his plea would go unheard "Yes Kensuke?"

"About that last Angel….." Kensuke began checking the wing of his model VTOL fighter jet as he sat down on the desk beside Shinji's. With the enforced D-17 Evacuation order, he had been unable to gather any information on the event that had taken place and Shinji had been less than forthcoming about the whole thing. It amazed Kensuke that Shinji couldn't enjoy everything he had. He got to Pilot EVA. He got to live with Misato. In Kensuke's opinion, Shinji had everything that any self respecting fourteen year old boy could ever want or need.

No longer able to control himself, Shinji began slowly and firmly knocking his head against the table, hoping the act would bestow blessed unconsciousness. It was the only escape from his friend's constant quest for any scrap of information on the Evangelion Units, NERV  and the Angels. The only glimmer of light in his world was the simple fact that his spectacled companion was unaware that there had actually been another Angel attack since then. Asuka had all but promised to end his life if he ever made mention of the embarrassing details of that particular incident.

Must….*Thump*……Not….*Thump*……Kill…….*Thump*……Kensuke…….*Thump*

"Hey Ken, ease up will ya. You've asked him about the same thing every day for the last three weeks. I don't think Shinji has anything left to tell ya." Touji watched on as Shinji continued to beat his head against the desk. He could only sympathise with his shy friend. Kensuke was a dedicated Military Otaku. Rarely a day passed without him asking something about the specifications of the Evangelions, it's weapons or the Angels themselves. The fact that all three Pilots seemed, in Touji's opinion, majorly screwed up didn't prevent his long time friend from desperately clamouring to be a Pilot. His one experience inside the giant fighting mecha had him convinced it was extremely overrated. He was in no real hurry to repeat the experience.

"It's just that…." Kensuke's words died in his throat as he tried to make sense of what his eyes were telling him. It was something he never believed would happen. Not in this or any other lifetime. Camera. I don't have my camera.

"Ikari-kun?" The soft voice caused Shinji to pause in his quest for release.

Glancing up, he found himself under the scrutiny of the enigmatic First Children. "Huh? Oh, Ayanami, what is it? Are we needed at NERV?" He couldn't recall Rei speaking to him unless absolutely necessary. And 'necessary' implied NERV. We had a harmonics test yesterday, the next one shouldn't be for a few days. He wondered as he idly rubbed his aching forehead.

Rei briefly shook her head. "No. There are no scheduled tests today." Rei's hands twitched slightly. "You should not injure yourself Ikari-kun."

Whoah! Ayanami showing concern for someone. This is new.

Both Touji and Kensuke were not the only ones watching in awed silence at the unusual display of Rei Ayanami, her hands clutching her school satchel in front of her, standing, talking to Shinji.

"You must not impair your ability to Pilot EVA."

The class released a general sigh of relief at her clinical observation. The natural order of things was restored. Rei's unusual display of concern was simply motivated by ensuring that a fellow Pilot was able to perform his duties to the best of his ability. Not for any personal reasons.

Shinji bowed his head at the girls rebuke. "Oh. Sorry Ayanami."

Having finished conveying her thoughts, the young girl inclined her head in acknowledgement and turned to take her allocated seat adjacent to the window.

Touji leaned in to whisper to Shinji. "Hey Shinji, what's going on between you and Ayanami?"

"What? Nothing! There's nothing going on." The simple thought of a female, any female, being even remotely interested in him caused his cheeks to warm slightly. Gazing briefly at the quiet girl, Shinji's subconscious assaulted him relentlessly with the images of the First Children the time he had ventured into her apartment to deliver her new NERV ID Card.

"Hmmmm! It's just that's the first time I've ever seen her initiate a conversation with anyone. Ever." The light reflected off Kensuke's glasses, lending his features a lecherous cast. He had noted his friend's surreptitious glance and the accompanying blush. "As a married man, you shouldn't make your affairs so public. The Devil will probably skin you." The familiar taunt concerning his living arrangement with Asuka was obviously still of some amusement to his friends.

"She's just making sure I can Pilot. That's all." Shaking his head to clear the visions of a damp, naked Rei lying beneath him, Shinji expressed the truth as he knew it to be.

"I guess." Noticing the elderly Sensei enter the class, Touji and Kensuke walked back to their seats just as the Class Representative, Hikari Horaki led the students through the morning greeting.

***

**Central Dogma – Office of Doctor Akagi**

"Remind me again, just how did we become friends?" Ritsuko glared at the other occupant in her office who she was absolutely sure was only here to steal oxygen and waste her valuable time.

Ignoring the blonde scientist's disdain, Misato helped herself to the freshly brewed coffee and sat down opposite Ritsuko. "Can you believe it? How can the Commander just hand his own son over to those, those……vultures?" Misato sighed as the hot, rich blend soothed her nerves. It wasn't Yebisu, but it would have to do.

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, wishing she had a cigarette. "Misato, they're not vultures, they're -" Her defence of the Commander was stopped short by the dismissive wave of Misato's hand.

"I know what they are. You don't have to tell me." Misato stared off into space.

Utilising her analytical genius, the Chief Scientist of NERV and Head of Project E offered her objective rational. "I would have thought Shinji-kun would be ecstatic. Most boys his age would be."

"Shinji's not like most boy's. You should have seen him the first time he had to wash my panties. I thought he was having a seizure." That particular memory caused Misato to laugh.

"It probably depends on just how dirty they were." The off hand remark hit a nerve.

Now it was Misato's turn to glare. "They weren't that bad." She exclaimed.

"Speaking of bad and dirty." Ritsuko raised her eyes to look at something directly behind Misato. "Morning Kaji-kun."

"Hey, what are my two favourite ladies up to?" Misato cringed as she heard the voice.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Ritsuko smirked at Misato's discomfort. "Nothing better to do Kaji-kun?"

"Actually, now that you mention it, something very, very important requires my special attention." The unshaven rogue casually placed a hand on Misato's shoulder only to have her pinch it between her fingers and remove it.

"You've heard I take it?" Misato sniffed in mock annoyance at the man's continued presumption.

Kaji flashed his patented 'Lady-Killer' smile, all to no avail considering his opponents. "Certainly. I thought perhaps young Shinji-kun could use a few pointers."

Misato glared for real. "You will do no such thing Kaji. Leave Shinji-kun alone. You might be the only male influence in his life but the last thing he needs are your chauvinistic thoughts ruining him for life."

Holding his hands up in defeat, Kaji grinned at his one-time former lover. "Whoa, Katsuragi. Take it easy. I was only going to make sure he could navigate the waters."

"Kaji-kun, I suggest you leave Shinji-kun alone. Or the old Mother Hen will peck your eyes out." Ritsuko ignored the angry Major and instead left the two of them alone. "Play nice now children. And don't mess my office up too much okay. I do have to work in here."

Ritsuko's laughter was swallowed up by the angry curses of a purple haired woman followed by a loud slap. "Just because Ritsu-chan said we could play doesn't mean we're going to!"

***

**Gathering of the Council of Seven Eyes**

Gendou Ikari sat at his desk, his hands steepled in front of his face. It was an effective habit he had developed to aid in masking and controlling his emotional state. Considering his present company, deception was his only true ally.

The Chairman for Human Complementation and Director of SEELE stared at younger man. Many found his demeanour unsettling. Not so the stoic Commander of NERV. "I expected you to resist the directive Ikari. Once again you surprise me."

"I'll take that as a compliment Chairman." The temptation to smirk at his supposed superior was restrained by his iron clad will.

Lorentz Keel showed no such restraint as he scowled openly at his verbal sparring partner. "I don't like surprises Ikari. Surprises tend to cause me to ………overreact."

Gendou was unphased by the implied promise of retribution. Only a fool could live their life without making enemies. Considering the numerous enemies he had acquired, Gendou was anything but a fool. "I only did as was requested of me. The Third Children has been informed and will meet with the interested parties this afternoon. Apparently Agent Kaji is attending as well."

"Ah yes, the infamous Ryouji Kaji. It is only natural that a man of his reputation would attend such a gathering." Lorentz made a special mental reminder to have his appointed informant report on the real happenings within NERV.

Seeking to deviate the meeting towards more mundane and irrelevant matters, Gendou decided to engage his opponent in conversation. "Indeed. If even half of the rumours are fact, he will be more than at home."

The ploy was quickly dismissed however, as Lorentz focused on the reason for the impromptu meeting. "To more important matters Ikari. The last report was ……enlightening. Considering the Simulation bodies were destroyed, rendering the proposed auto-pilot system useless, the Dummy System now holds more significance. How soon until it is completed?"

Abandoning his pretence, Gendou reverted back to his normal demeanour. "Everything remains on schedule."

"Doctor Akagi's report indicated that anomalous 'emotional characteristics' were hampering the process. Is the current First Children no longer of use?" As with Gendou Ikari, Lorentz Keel always paid special attention to any report mentioning the Pilot of Unit 00. She was a vital component in realising SEELE's ambitions.

It appears Doctor Akagi is a little too thorough in her submissions to the Committee. "Pilot Ayanami is still operating within the designated parameters. My hypothesis is her increased interaction with both the Second and Third Children is the catalyst to her emotional state. It has yet to affect her performance. Regardless, this iteration is expected to survive at least until the appearance of the Sixteenth Messenger. Preparing a replacement at this stage could be troublesome."

"Then everything is proceeding as determined by this Council. Just as it should." The holographic image of the SEELE Director faded out, leaving Gendou alone with his thoughts.

Sitting within the darkness, Gendou's eye's narrowed ominously behind his glasses. "We shall see."

***

**_Tokyo-3 Municipal High School_**

Recess was a time of reckless abandon for the students of Tokyo-3. It afforded the children a brief respite from the daily grind of lectures, surprise exams and boredom. It also gave free reign to the most insidious beast that existed at every single school around the globe.

Gossip.

The great student grapevine was an institution created, cultivated and continued by successive generations of children. Fact or fiction. Rumour, innuendo and occasionally even the truth all had their rightful place within the hallowed domain of education.

"Did you hear the latest?" Stopping to swallow his food, Kensuke made sure he had his two friends full attention before continuing. "Takashi in 1A sent me an update. The finals of the Miss Japan Beauty Pageant is coming to Tokyo-3." He could barely conceal the enthusiasm in his voice as he clenched his fist, closed his eyes and allowed his mind to fill with visions of beautiful women. All very Misato-like in appearance.

The reactions of the two boys was something of a mixed bag. Touji practically choked on his food while Shinji performed a reasonable impression of a singularity as he withdrew further in on himself. 

Touji's reaction was atypical of the boy's personality. Kensuke knew that the young athlete had been following the prestigious event since it began a few weeks ago. Very much like Kensuke himself. But then like most teenage males, any event with beautiful near naked women was something worthy of attention. 

Shinji's reaction was slightly unexpected. "Shinji, you okay?" Kensuke eyed the boy speculatively, ignoring the slightly purple hue of his other friend as the food refused to allow the passage of air.

"No. Nothing wrong. The wasabi's just a little strong. That's all." Shinji began wondering if the Fates themselves had a personal vendetta against him.

Finally managing to expel the half chewed food from his throat, Touji grabbed the military wannabe and hastily spun him around. "Ken. Details."

Shrugging off Touji's grasp, Kensuke pushed his glasses higher up onto the bridge of his nose. "Apparently the organisers decided to hold the finals here. They're even appointing a special guest judge to adjudicate on the whole thing. I was going to head over to the hotel after school." He looked at his friends. "You guys in?"

Scoffing the remainder of his food at an alarmingly dangerous rate, Touji grinned. "We are so there, right Shinji?"

Shinji managed a weak smile. "Sorry guys, I….uhhh…..have stuff to do after school. Maybe another time." Both his friends understood. Shinji's part time work took precedence over anything and everything.

Never one to let depression run his life, Touji slapped Shinji on the back. "Man that's too bad Shinji. Me and Ken'll make sure to get some hot photo's of the babes for you."

"Ummm…. Thanks, I guess." Shinji wasn't sure whether this was an entirely good thing. Living with Misato and more recently, Asuka, had necessitated that any and all marginally pornographic material had to be extremely well hidden. It wouldn't do to provide Asuka with any additional ammunition for her 'Shinji is an Uber-Pervert' campaign and if Misato ever found them. He shuddered, he didn't even want to contemplate the potential outcome of that particular line of thought.

"No problem Shinji. What are friends for."

Never having had friends before, Shinji was still trying to discover the answer to that one.

***

**Tokyo-3 International Hotel**

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mister Ikari. My names Yushiro Nishijima, the event organiser for 'Miss Japan 2015'." Shinji found himself confronted by an overweight man in his late forties extending his hand out in an obvious attempt to shake hands. Shinji's only understanding of Western customs were essentially provided by his colleague and roommate, Asuka. Although to date, most of that consisted of complaints and abuse.

Attempting to mimic the man's casual stance, Shinji gripped his offered hand and briefly shook his arm. "Hello Nishijima-san. Please, just call me Shinji."

"Call me Yushiro." Smiling at the nervous youth, Yushiro turned to the striking lavender haired woman beside him. "Major Katsuragi I believe. The reports of your appearance do not do you justice. The girls should count their blessings that you're not a contestant."

The brief smile that flashed across Misato's face offered every indication that she was largely indifferent to the man's obvious attempt at flattery. Even if it was the truth. "I assume NERV Security has explained things."

"Ahh yes. The charming individuals in dark suits that make lumps of granite look affable. They went to great lengths to explain all the precautionary measures that will be implemented. I cannot fathom why such drastic security is required, but to ensure the success of the event, I'll barter with the King of Hell himself." Sweat trickled down his neck as he recalled the precise details and very real promises of an unpleasant nature if anything untoward prevented the agents of Section 2 from completing their assigned duties.

Having dealt with Section 2 before, Misato could sympathise to a degree. It's much worse than that. You've entered into an arrangement with Commander Ikari. You'll find that the King of Hell is probably far easier to deal with. "Not everyone agrees or sympathises with NERV Nishijima-san. Ensuring the safety of our Pilots is something we take very seriously."

"Yes Yes. I understand implicitly." Yushiro bowed slightly in deference to the woman. "I still can't believe your so young, Shinji. Your parents must be very proud of your achievements. Probably quite the ladies man as well, I'm sure."

The comment about his parents was all it took to have Shinji pull back slightly and stare at the floor off to his side. While he could barely recall his mother, the constant reminder of just how indifferent his father was, how he was forced into facing him at NERV on a regular basis, was more than enough.

Noticing the sudden shift in behaviour of the young boy, Yushiro looked to Misato for some sort of answer.

Misato shook her head slightly, encouraging the man to abandon any thoughts of prying into things that didn't concern him. 

Sweating uncomfortably at the darkening mood permeating the atmosphere, Yushiro quickly changed the topic of conversation. "Well anyway, I hope you enjoy your stay with us Shinji. You'll find we've spared no expense in ensuring you have one of the best suites in the Hotel." He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "Right on the same floor as all the girls no less."

Instead of returning the somewhat lecherous grin, Shinji stared in almost complete shock at the now baffled man. "Misato-san?"

"I hadn't heard about this. Just give me a moment Shinji-kun." Equally disturbed by the statement, Misato quickly hit the speed dial on her cell phone as she walked over to a slightly less noisy corner. Shinji carefully observed his guardian's face as she held her fairly animated discussion with someone. After a few minutes, Misato rejoined her ward and the event organiser. Her face spoke volumes about what she had just been informed of.

Wondering what all the fuss was about, Yushiro explained the details, hoping to assuage both the young Pilot and his Commanding Officer. "Major Katsuragi, I assure you that our Executive Committee obtained permission to have young Mister Ikari stay with us for the duration of the contest. We even arranged most of the photo and television shoots around NERV's own testing schedule. And in the case of an emergency, your own Security Forces are on site to expedite his removal back to NERV Headquarters."

Misato sighed. Her brief talk with Ritsuko had explained just as much. Leaning down to look Shinji in the eye, Misato forced herself to smile as she gently squeezed his shoulders. She could feel him flinch at the gentle contact. "Just think Shinji. All those gorgeous women will be vying for your attention." Instead of lifting his sprits, the words seemed to have an increased detrimental effect "You're okay with this Shinji-kun?" Please be okay.

"I guess." He knew he had no alternative available to him.

The uncomfortable sensation became almost unbearable as Misato watched what little life the boy had slowly disappear. "I'll drop by tomorrow Shinji-kun. I'll see you then, okay."

"Yes Misato-san." She could feel the walls around the boy reinforce at his whispered response.

As she walked out of the Hotel, Misato couldn't help but feel she had abandoned the emotionally fragile boy. He must wonder if anyone really cares about what he wants. He doesn't enjoy Piloting. His own father treats him like a stranger. Maybe I'll bring Asuka and Rei with me tomorrow. And his friends as well. That might cheer him up.

***

**_Horaki Residence_**

"Aaaah. All I keep getting is Kaji-san's answering machine." Asuka glared at he NERV issue cell phone, somehow suspecting it was the culprit in denying the course of true love from eventuating between herself and Ryouji Kaji.

Looking up from her magazine, Hikari offered her friend a compassionate and understanding smile. "Working for NERV tends to consume some people. Dad's at work so much now that I'm starting to think he lives there and this is just his home away from home."

Asuka frowned. He always seems to find time for Misato or Ritsuko! Remembering how he had shown up in the Doctor's company for Misato's promotion party not long ago. "Commander Ikari probably has him wasting his time on something pointless."

The young brunette tilted her head slightly. "I've never heard Ikari-kun mention his father. What's he like?"

Leaning back against the bed, Asuka stared up at the ceiling as she sorted through her thoughts. "Arrogant, manipulative. The man's cold, Hikari. He treats everyone like they're some sort of expendable pawn." Her eyes hardened. "Everyone except Wonder Girl. She's his favourite." The mere mention of the Pilot of the Prototype Evangelion unsettled her. The blue haired girl just didn't fit into Asuka's view of how the world worked.

"Ayanami? But isn't Ikari-kun his son? Surely -" Before she could complete the sentence, the red haired German girl interrupted.

"Hmmph. Everyone else treats him like he's so special. You should see the way Misato and Ritsuko carry on. I'm the number one Pilot. My synch ratio's still higher than his. I've worked for nearly seven years to get where I am. And they all act like he's the some sort of invincible hero." So his Synch Ratio climbed a few measly points in a few days. So what.

"But from what I've heard, Ikari-kun only started training as an EVA Pilot after he came to Tokyo-3 earlier in the year. Isn't it kind of amazing that he could just walk in off the street and do things it's taken you………." Noting how Asuka suddenly became all tense, Hikari decided to abandon the conversation, opting instead to turn the conversation towards the latest fashions in her magazine.

***

**_Tokyo-3 Municipal High School_**

Rei firmly squeezed the wash cloth, draining the course material as she continued scrubbing the classroom floor. The other students that were rostered for after school chores joked and laughed as they hurried to complete the required work and finally leave to enjoy the remainder of the evening. They ignored the quiet girl as she diligently performed her designated activity. Not from malice or spite. It was just no one really knew how to approach the recalcitrant albino.

Recalling Shinji's words that her actions reminded him of how a mother would accomplish the work and the simple reference that he felt she would be a good mother still embarrassed her. His words affect me. As do his actions.

Watching the Third Children purposely injure himself had disturbed her. It had taken all her mental reserves to approach the boy and caution him against pursuing such behaviour. Her own body had nearly betrayed her. Her hand had almost reached out to halt his self-destruction.

Before the advent of the Third Angel, her memories were of Commander Ikari. His stern countenance. His demand that she achieve his intended goal. The memories before that were hazy and clouded, as if seen through opaque glass. And further back were half whispered phrases from a time she knew was impossible for her to have known.

Instead it was those of recent events demanded her attention.

Memories of being held by the young boy during the Third Angel's attack on Tokyo-3. Of seeing his tears of joy and relief after confirming her well being after her near demise after the Fifth Angel's assault.

Ikari-kun's presence……..affects me.

Barely acknowledging her class mates as they departed, Rei dissected the unfamiliar thoughts and uncomfortable feelings that assailed her more and more of late.

***

**Tokyo-3 International Hotel**

The image projected onto the large screen in the background was disturbing. At least that was the impression Shinji had. Whoever had taken the footage had obviously risked their lives in doing so. Dominating the image, Unit 01 stood proud with its arms thrown above it's head preventing the falling Angel from striking Tokyo-3 and destroying everything. The electrolysed patterns of clashing AT Fields visible for all to see. Shinji grimaced as he recalled the strain and pressure he had experienced as a flow on effect. The damage incurred by Unit 01 had filtered through the feedback system, causing him to suffer the associated phantom pains. He rubbed his arms, remembering how it had felt after the adrenaline had worn off. The fact that Doctor Akagi had informed him that the symbiotic experience would increase as his Synchronisation ratio with Unit 01 improved only worsened his attitude towards EVA.

Hearing his name announced, Shinji sighed and shuffled out onto the stage, pausing briefly to glance at the audience as rapid flashes from cameras erupted, engulfing his vision in blinding light.

***

End Second Refrain

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Yep. Shinji is the Special Guest Judge for the Final Round of the Miss Japan Beauty Pageant (I bet you all expected something far more insidious. It can't always be dark, at least not at this point.) How will he react to being in such a position of responsibility? How will the Author factor in the whole S/R relationship type thing? Tune in next time, Same Bat Channel, Same….. Hang on, wrong show. Damn late night re-runs. It's like that annoying song that sticks in your head all day.

Ja Ne


	3. Third Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction 

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Considering how difficult it is to mesh my own thoughts and ideas into the tapestry that is EVA, the time between chapters will gradually increase (maybe.). We'll see how things unfold. Just don't expect updates every week, okay. Yes I mean you. I do actually have to balance poor penmanship (typing?) with my real life. (You have no idea how sad it really is. – Anime – Work – Anime – Overtime – Anime – Reading – Anime. You get the point.)

Also, ChiRho has offered to host my debut Work 'Insight and Understanding' on his Website (evamade.com) and Ayanami-chan has created a link on her site (rei-shinji.cjb.net) to this story. It boggles the mind considering the folks at evafics.org rejected my work.

All That I Am Third Refrain – Unconventional Katsuragi Plans 

**_Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence_**

"Misato, tell the idiot to get out here already. He should be cooking dinner instead of doing perverted things in his room." Asuka hollered from the living room. Probably just staring at the ceiling listening to his stupid tape player. Switching the channels in the hopes of finding something other than a cooking program or game show was starting to look impossible. (A/N – If you've ever watched TV in Japan, you know that this is a major component of their general programming.) It annoyed the German girl just how Asian everything was. "Mein Gott. Why can't we get cable?"

Misato was tempted to ask just whom 'The Idiot' was that Asuka was referring to, but decided not to. It had been a long day after all, and besides, she had a fairly good idea who it was directed at. "Can't." Misato simply responded from the kitchen.

Abandoning her search for decent evening television programming, Asuka decided to play a video game instead. "What do you mean?"

"Shin-chan's not here." The woman's voice sounded slightly depressed as she answered.

Not here? Thrusting herself off the couch, Asuka stretched her lithe frame. "Then call him and tell him to get his scrawny butt back here. I'm getting hungry."

"He's not coming back." The all too familiar noise of a beer can opening followed Misato's reply. "Not for a while anyway."

"Where is he then?" Setting up her game console, Asuka began sorting through the selection of games, hoping to work off a little stress in a violent fighting simulation.

"Work." The woman's voice sounded odd. But Asuka considered that it was probably just the fact that Misato had her mouth wrapped around the beer can as she spoke.

"Misato." Pausing in her search, Asuka decided to confront the woman face to face.

"Yes Asuka." Misato knew her less than helpful answers were starting to irritate the Second Children, but she was unable to stop herself. Without Shinji to tease her only remaining option was Asuka. Something that pleased neither party.

Entering the kitchen, Asuka grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. "Baka Shinji may put up with your games but I won't. What's going on? Where is he?"

5 Minutes Later 

"So he gets to live it up. In four star luxury no less, while I have to stay here in this dive." Asuka exclaimed as she waved an arm at the small apartment.

Misato watched the girl for a few moments before replying. "I think it's five star actually and my apartment is not a dive." Not anymore. She thought, and not for the first time thanked whatever Gods were listening that Shinji was a part of her life.

"So what are we doing for food. Are we ordering takeout? Eating out?" Maybe I can get Kaji-san to take me out to dinner. Some nice, romantic, out of the way place. Then back to his apartment …… Asuka allowed her adolescent fantasy to sweep her away from the mad woman in front of her and into Ryouji Kaji's embrace.

The beaming smile on Misato's face shattered her all to brief dream.

Half an hour later 

"Just what is this?" Using her fork, Asuka carefully poked the potentially toxic substance on the plate before her.

Misato barely paused between bites as she answered. "Dinner."

Asuka looked quizzically at the older woman, back at her 'food' then back to Misato. "No. I've seen dinner before. This doesn't even come close."

"You can always cook your own." Misato shrugged as she continued to eat and drink.

Asuka crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head away in complete defiance at Misato's ludicrous suggestion. "Asuka Langley Sohryu does not cook. That's what people like Baka Shinji are for."

"Then I guess you're going to get awfully hungry Asuka." Having consumed her meal, Misato belched in satisfaction. At least Shinji-kun never complains like this. He always ate my cooking. Using a toothpick to scrape the remnants of dinner from between her teeth, Misato sighed wistfully. I miss eating his though.

Asuka seethed as she glared at the woman at the table with her. Disgusted with her slovenly attitude, she peered over at the only other member of the household.

Pen-Pen was standing at his food dish, warily considering the implications of eating whatever it was his beer provider had served up. He had thought such things had thankfully become a thing of the past with the advent of the timid boy. Glancing up, he noticed the noisy red head staring at him, practically threatening him to eat. Leaning gingerly down, he scooped a small morsel into his beak and swallowed.

The resounding thud of the small flightless bird's body striking the floor didn't even phase Misato as she happily decided to have a second helping, interspersed with hefty doses of Yebisu.

Asuka pushed her plate away, taking great care to not actually touch the offensive creation. "When does Shinji come back exactly?"

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

Finally, a chance to rest. Shinji eased himself into the seat and began picking at his food. While his hosts had offered him a seat at the main table with a whole range of other official dignitaries, he had simply filled a plate with a variety of foods and excused himself. Having found a secluded pagoda outside in the hotel's courtyard, he rejoiced at the welcome reprieve from the overt stares of the people inside the hotel. 

His reprieve was short lived however.

"Oh. I didn't realise someone was here." Startled by the voice, Shinji glanced up to find a stunning young woman gazing at him. She smiled as she spoke. "Do you mind if I join you?" Had he known what to look for, he may have noticed the hungry look in her gaze.

Realising he was staring, he quickly looked away. "I'm sorry. I'll find somewhere else if you'd like to be alone." He mumbled as made to leave.

The woman smiled and waved his offer away. "No. That's okay. Besides….." Shinji suddenly found himself mesmerised by the soft sway of her hips as she glided over towards him. "I wouldn't mind the company." Slowly lowering herself beside the now petrified young man, the woman smiled seductively. "I'm Megumi by the way. Megumi Tanaka. Pleased to meet you."

"Shinji. Shinji Ikari. I'm …" The woman's soft laughter forced his throat to constrict. It's like music. Her laughter sounds pretty.

"Yes. I know. Everyone's talking about you. The famous Pilot of Evangelion Unit 01." Sidling closer to the boy, Megumi leaned in against him. "And the special guest judge too. I never expected you to be so cute though."

Shinji found himself trapped by her dark, sultry eyes. They held him in place as her head slowly moved closer and closer. Her red lips parting slightly in anticipation and expectation.

"There you are Shinji, found you at last."

Megumi scowled as she turned to find a distraught Yushiro Nishijima hurriedly making his way to join the couple. Damn you Nishijima. I was so close.

"You left before I could introduce you to our sponsors. They're extremely anxious to meet you." Bowing to the young woman, Yushiro hauled the boy away. Once out of earshot, Yushiro leaned down and whispered to the slightly confused boy. "I didn't have a chance to warn you, the girls are out and out predators. And considering your position as the Judge and a Pilot, you're their number one prey."

"Is Megumi a contestant?" It suddenly made sense. Megumi was obviously very pretty. And her smile….Kind of like Ayanami's. His memory overlapped the smiles. It'd be nice if I could see Ayanami smile again.

Yushiro was beginning to wonder whether his special guest was all there. "Yes. There're nine finalists in all. And they all desperately want to win." Slightly exasperated by the unusual turn of events, Yushiro appraised the young Pilot once again. "I don't think our TV Executives knew you were this young. Do you have a girlfriend Shinji?"

"N-n-no." Stammering his reply, Shinji blushed uncontrollably at the suggestion. The only girls close to his age he knew with any level of familiarity were Asuka and Rei. Asuka made her opinion of him very, very clear, whereas Rei. Rei simply offered no opinion whatsoever.

Yushiro sighed. "There goes that idea. I was kind of hoping that if the girls saw you with someone, it may slow them down a bit." He glanced speculatively at the boy. "What about a boyfriend?"

Shinji face faulted, tripped and fell. His incoherent babbling was all the answer Yushiro needed. "Not gay? Well at least the girls will be happy with that. Although perhaps they might have enjoyed the challenge."

Recovering slightly from the sudden shock at having a virtual stranger subject him to some very personal questioning, Shinji considered what had happened earlier with Megumi. "So they'll try and use me to their advantage? Just try and gain my favour to win?" Considering his life to date in Tokyo-3, being used was slowly becoming the only reason he was alive.

"And how. Do you know how much this title is worth Shinji?" Seeing the boy shake his head, Yushiro continued. "Last years winner, Rika Hayasae. Heard of her?"

Once again Shinji shook his head. "I don't watch a lot of television Yushiro-san."

"Well, she's one of your fellow judges. Rika's a multi-millionaire due to winning. She still ranks in the top ten on the popular music charts. Her fashion label still sells extremely well. Essentially it's worth enough that the contestants will do '_anything' to win. Anything at all. And if it means using their charms to '_convince_' you that they deserve to win, then they'll do it." Noticing that Shinji was no longer beside him, Yushiro turned to find the boy standing, staring at the floor._

"What should I do?" Shinji raised his head to stare at the man.

Yushiro sighed wearily. Sit back and enjoy the free lunch. But you don't look the kind of guy that would do that. "I'll talk to your guardian. Perhaps she can suggest something." He offered, trying to calm the boy.

Far from settling his nerves, Shinji felt a dark cloud looming overhead. Should I tell him that Misato-san's plans are sometimes a little……unconventional.

***

As soon as Misato voiced her suggestion with a broad smile on her face, Shinji knew his life had progressed from the gloomy depths of unfortunate right into the waiting arms of a Noh tragedy. (A/N – I dare any of you to sit through a Noh play. Painful. Very, very painful.)

"You can't be serious?" Asuka's exclamation was made all the more poignant as she had an arm wrapped tightly around one Ryouji Kaji.

Misato covered her face with her hand in exasperation. She had convinced Asuka to come on the promise of free five star cuisine, something she was looking forward to herself. Asuka had naturally asked Hikari to join them.

Both Touji and Kensuke had needed no inducement. Wherever Misato offered to take them, they'd follow implicitly, no questions asked.

Rei had simply had no excuse to refuse, although the thought of asking Shinji about her recent thoughts concerning him was her primary reason for attending. 

And Ryouji was trying to act indifferent to the sight of numerous beautiful young women wandering around in various states of semi-undress as they prepared for their photo shoots. Something he was failing miserably at. Something that only further infuriated Asuka as she desperately vied for his full attention.

"Come on Asuka. Think of it as a follow up of the Synchronisation Training for the Seventh Angel." Misato had the sinking feeling that she was fighting a losing battle. The instincts that had her promoted to the post as Director of Tactical Operations were screaming this one simple fact at her.

Asuka pointed an accusatory finger at the Third Children. "That was bad enough. Find someone else to baby-sit the hentai. I'm not having him try to grope me in my sleep again. I absolutely refuse." To emphasise her refusal, she tightened her hold on Ryouji, eliciting a slight wince from the man.

Misato caught the glance the young red head sent in the direction of Ryouji, who was, in turn, grinning at the predicament that the Major now found herself with. Not good. She'll refuse just on the principle of the thing because he's here. Dammit Kaji, why'd you have to show up?

"Well I suppose I cou-" Misato's offer was interrupted by a soft, quiet voice from behind.

"I will perform the task Major Katsuragi." All eyes present, baring Touji and Kensuke as they struggled valiantly to impress any of the contestants, turned to stare at the young girl. Uncomfortable with the level of scrutiny that they were all directing at her, Rei managed to maintain her calm, stoic demeanour.

"Ayanami?" Shinji could barely conceal his surprise.

"Rei?" Misato's shock was similar. "Do you understand what we're discussing? What it would mean?" In Misato's opinion, Rei was the last possible candidate for this type of assignment.

"You have mentioned that Ikari-kun is in some form of peril." She moved to stand beside Shinji, who still hadn't regained his senses. "As a Pilot, his safety is a priority." I have promised to protect him. I will not betray myself in this. Rei considered her reasoning at offering her services. After observing Shinji's body language, the way he flinched whenever one of the young women brushed against him, something they were going out of their way to do, only served to confirm her course of action. The circumstances provided the perfect opportunity to further observe the Third Children. It is acceptable that Pilot Sohryu refused the assignment. While satisfied that the Second Children had vehemently refused her commanding officer's suggestion, it confused her. Orders are absolute. They must be obeyed. Yet I am pleased by her insubordination.

Still coming to terms with the First Children's voluntary offer, Misato began considering the implications. "I don't know Rei. I'm not your guardian. I can't just -"

"You are my commanding officer." Having established her objective, Rei was determined that nothing short of Commander Ikari's direct order would sway her.

"But Commander Ikari -"

"As long as NERV schedules are not interrupted, Commander Ikari will have no issue with the assignment. If you are in doubt, contact Headquarters to confirm this Major."

"I'll confirm it regardless." Seeing little use in continuing her argument with the Pilot of Unit 00, Misato called in to hear the Commander's decision.

***

**_Central Dogma – Evangelion Cages_**

"Ikari, you're going to allow this?" Kouzou found himself unable to mask his surprise.

"It will help resolve the issue of the emotional instability of the Dummy System." Gendou considered the possible ramifications of allowing Rei the freedom to associate to such a degree with the Third Children. "Regardless, it will be beneficial for the next phase." He knew it would complicate things if she adopted some of the boy's more unsatisfactory traits. But he had raised the girl to obey him in all things. Rei will not forsake me, I am her creator.

"The Compatibility Experiment?" They had previously discussed the possibility, not the implementation. "You intend to proceed with it?"

Noting his confidant's reluctance, he explained the necessity of the risk. "It is essential in verifying Rei's acceptance with Unit 01. Having her associate with the Third Children will assist in expediting things."

"Two thirds of our –" Kouzou found his argument cut short.

"Section 2 has operatives on site. In case of an emergency, they can extract the Pilots and have them delivered by VTOL." Pausing to regain his composure, Gendou turned to observe the maintenance technicians at work on the three EVA Unit's. "Besides, if I am correct, the next Messenger will herald the real beginning."

Recalling the recent report pertaining to the appearance of the Twelfth Messenger, Kouzou could only smile. "I know. It is not how SEELE have scripted things. What of the boy?"

"Results are all that ever matter. Chairman Keel will be satisfied as long as he believes his vision is still within his grasp." Gendou considered the razor's edge he was forced to walk. Everything I have done. It is for you. His eyes wandered over the imposing visage of Unit 01. "As for the boy. He is ultimately expendable. Unit 01 is far more important. If Rei is successful in attaining synchronisation, he will no longer be essential."

Noticing the expression on Gendou's face and the direction of his gaze, Kouzou considered the pivotal event that drove the man to commit atrocity after atrocity. "Once you remove all traces of you actions, you mean."

"Sensei, Keel understands that I'm attempting to subvert the Committee's ambitions. It's why Agent Kaji is amongst us. But he also realises that I am the only one willing to do all that is required to provide them with their opportunity." Having indulged his emotions for a brief moment, Gendou once again resumed his normal stance.

"Even if it meant abandoning the boy? You betrayed Yui-kun in that." Kouzou considered the strained relationship between father and son. Once Yui was lost to the Test Type EVA, the binding element between Gendou and Shinji had dissolved. I cannot blame him. To have Yui-kun by my side I would have done the same.

Grunting in amusement, Gendou slid his hands into his jacket pockets and began walking towards the nearest access hatch. "You underestimate her Sensei. Yui was a consummate professional willing to abandon herself to the project. As long as I can use the Third Children to further the scenario, to regain what was lost, I will."

"So the end justify the means." With Local Government meetings to attend, Kouzou began walking in the opposite direction, towards the Control Room. "And when you have finally broken him?"

"Useless things have no place here." Pausing to once again stare at the inactive form of Unit 01, he wondered, not for the first time, what Yui had experienced in allowing the fearsome beast to consume her.

***

Streets of Tokyo-3 

Pedestrians watched with awe and trepidation as the all too familiar form of an infamous blue alpine sedan roared down the streets at reckless speeds, it's two occupants inside engaged in a discussion oblivious to the chaos the vehicles passage created.

"So we're just leaving them there?" Asuka was still coming to terms with the fact that they had left the 'Them' in question back at the hotel.

Misato smiled as she nodded her head in confirmation. "Yep."

Asuka glared at the jubilant woman, her eyebrow twitching in barely suppressed rage. "Alone? Together!"

"Yep." Her smile widened. Shinji seemed a little better. Maybe he just needed someone he feels comfortable with. Although when did he become familiar with Rei?

"And you're okay with this? What if that idiot tries something?" Remembering how the boy had admitted to almost kissing her in her sleep, Asuka was sure he would undoubtedly try something perverted on the doll. And knowing her, she'll just let it happen. The veins in her forehead throbbed as each imagined encounter grew increasingly erotic.

Misato's smile changed to a devious grin as she glanced at the visibly upset young girl in the passenger seat. "Asuka, if you're that worried you should have taken the offer to stay."

A multitude of expressions washed over Asuka's face as she stared incredulously at the woman. "As if I'd ……. What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Misato continued to smile and began humming in tune with a song on the radio, only adding to Asuka's fury.

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

Having finished her vegetarian pasta, Rei placed her fork on the empty plate and looked thoughtfully at her dining partner. "Ikari-kun?"

Shinji blew gently over his steaming cup of green tea as he prepared to savour the slightly bitter beverage. It was nice not having to cook and clean for once. Maybe this won't be so bad.  "Yes Ayanami." He was doing everything in his power to remain calm and composed.

"Why do the female patrons keep directing hostile glances towards me?" Rei was accustomed to people staring at her. Her appearance was far from ordinary. But the overt stares from the women at the adjoining tables were filled with malice and it was starting to disturb her.

Shinji massaged the nape of his neck. "Uhh… Well……It's got to do with the plan of Misato-san's." A red hue tinged his cheeks as he stuttered his reply.

Shinji's apparent embarrassment only further confused her. "The deception whereby I assume the appearance of your…..female companion?"

His weak smile did nothing to conceal his distress at the direction their conversation was taking. "Uhhm…Yeah. I guess."

Tilting her head slightly to one side, Rei blinked as she interrogated her memories. "I have no prior experience in such an endeavour. Major Katsuragi's explanation of how I should act was less than helpful." She stared at Shinji who in turn did his best to look anywhere else but at her. "How am I to perform in such a role?"

Shinji watched the slowly cooling surface of the green liquid as he considered her words. "I don't really know Ayanami. I've never had a girlfriend before." He mumbled. "I don't even know how a boyfriend is supposed to act."

"Girl…..friend?" The word even sounded strange to her. "I was made to understand that the relationship was of a level of intimacy that was beyond that of mere friendship." She had observed couples expressing their emotional attachment to their respective partners. It all seemed extremely convoluted. Considering that it was superfluous to her true purpose, she had given it no more than a cursory examination. Commander Ikari has advised against becoming attached to anyone. Yet I find myself…..

Shinji chuckled nervously at Rei's  interesting observations. "That's just what it's called at our age. Boyfriend, Girlfriend. I guess it's a little misleading. I don't really know how…. "His voice choked slightly as he struggled with the next word."… intimate they're meant to be. I think it varies, depending on how long they've known each other and how they feel about one another." 

"Our association spans many months. You have seen me naked and I you," Rei stated clinically. "and we have sought to protect one another." Satisfied with her conclusions, she asked something else that had been bothering her. "Why did Pilot Sohryu accuse you of assaulting her in her sleep?"

Startled by her statement and blunt question, Shinji struggled for an answer. "It ….. was kind of a misunderstanding. Asuka climbed into my futon one night." Shinji began to sweat profusely remembering the tantalising sight of her breasts and her bud-like lips. "Things just …..sort of….. I didn't really mean for it to happen like that. But Asuka…….Well Asuka over reacted…..sort of."

"Circumstances resulted in a situation beyond your control. Similar to when you delivered my NERV ID Card to my residence?" Nodding her head, Rei looked at her companion for him to clarify her deduction.

"Not quite." Shinji was quite sure even his hair blushed at her reference. "But I guess you can draw the parallels like that."

There is much I must learn if I am to complete this assignment successfully. Perhaps then I will understand why Ikari-kun causes such unfamiliar reactions. Excusing herself, Rei motioned for Shinji to join her. "Nishijima-san is expecting you Ikari-kun."

Three Hours Later 

Shinji held his hand up to his mouth to stifle the yawn that threatened to escape. "I don't know about you Ayanami, but I'm exhausted." Glancing at the young girl, he noticed her nod her head slightly as she walked beside him. "I'm sorry that you had to go through with all this. You must be bored just watching everything." Occasionally he had caught glimpses of the girl, standing off to one side. He couldn't really tell if she was bored or completely disinterested in the goings on around her.

"It is most intriguing." Rei replayed the recent photo shoot in her mind "The contestants appeared to enjoy your presence. The interactions between the various people are difficult to comprehend." She added. "Perhaps it will assist me with certain problems I have encountered recently." Watching he contestants, dressed in various outfits, drape themselves over Shinji, dressed in his plug suit had unsettled her. She was determined to understand why.

Problems? Shinji had long considered Rei to be the last person to admit to having problems of any sort. She always seems so focused, so dedicated. "As long as you're getting something out of it Ayanami. I don't want you to put yourself out just on my behalf." He opened their door and allowed her to step across the threshold first. "You can have the bath Ayanami. I'll see what's on T.V." Shinji desperately needed any stimulus to take his thoughts off the fact he would be staying in a hotel room with a girl unsupervised.

Rei inclined her head in acceptance of his offer. As she entered further into the room she came to a sudden halt. Curious.

"Is there something……." Shinji could only stare at the object that now dominated his hotel room. When the manager had mentioned they were altering the room to accommodate the revised sleeping arrangements, he had simply thought they were going to add an extra single bed. Instead, dominating the room was a large double bed.

"Ikari-kun, which side of the bed do you prefer?"

***

**_End Third Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Trials and tribulations. Just how will the First and Third Children handle the perils of sharing a bed with the First Children? Just how will everyone else react to such a scandalous event? When will the contestants make their move to isolate the judge from his 'girlfriend'?

In the next chapter obviously. 

That's if the reading public (That's you!) haven't realised just how pathetic the story is. But a pathetic person pretending to be a pathetic fan fiction author can only produce substandard tripe. (I am working on the self-loathing, really, I am.)

Ja Ne


	4. Fourth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction 

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Okay, the drugs have kicked in and I'm wearing my 'I Hate Myself and Want to Die' T-Shirt. (Yes, I really do have one. It's good therapy .)

Actually, I wasn't intending to insult the owner/operators of EVAFics.org or Darkscribes or anyone else (I don't think those sort of arguments are all that constructive). I enjoy the works of some of the Lords/Ladies on Darkscribes (Some I could do without.). I personally feel my work is sub-standard. But I think it is gradually improving.

All That I Am Fourth Refrain – A Fragile Hearts' Decision Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV 

"……if that is so, then I can only consider her actions stupidity. Death cures that particular affliction. See to it that she receives a suitable ……. vaccination." Gendou deactivated the secure communications line and leaned back in his seat to contemplate just how simple it was to end the life of someone that had the audacity to oppose him.

Glancing up from the document that had held his attention until now, Kouzou observed his former student for any clue to his mood. "Some people would call you insane, Ikari."

Finished with idle thoughts of murder, Gendou returned to his more familiar position, elbows resting on the desk with his interlaced hands forming a barrier fronting his face. "Insanity is a line that anyone can cross and then recross. I discarded such fanciful pretensions years ago. There is no line for one such as myself." His voice took on a dangerous edge. "I decide my own reality."

Kouzou raised an eyebrow at the statement. "Reality or truth?"

The grin that briefly graced his stern features was hidden from sight. "Truth is too fragile Sensei. Far too intangible to be grasped by the hands of man. My reality was the all to brief time I spent with Yui. Yui was and still is my reality." His tinted glasses reflected the muted lighting as he shifted his head slightly. "I intend to recapture it and awaken from this nightmare and thereby surpass humanity."

Kouzou rose from his seat and walked over to the window. "There is still much that can go wrong. One mis-step and our enemies will feast on our corpses."

Gendou Ikari had long ago discarded the possibility of failure, just as he had the name Rokubungi. Success was the only viable outcome for his decade of suffering. He had thrown everything away to ensure he would emerge victorious. "Has a suitable trail been laid for Agent Kaji."

Kouzou laughed softly to himself. "The one that he will forward to Chairman Keel or to the Ministry of the Interior?" Shaking his head he turned to Gendou. "Do not concern yourself. The deceptions we have prepared should keep our erstwhile triple agent suitably entertained for a while yet."

"He skirts the fringes looking for any sign of weakness to exploit. The day is fast approaching when his annoying habits will require reprimand." Gendou knew he had to allow the insufferable wretch to continue his quest for the 'Truth'. But as the old adage implied. Curiosity was ever the slayer of inquisitive cats.

"His removal could affect the Major's ability when we need it most. The flow-on effect could also hamper the Second Children." Kouzou knew more than most just how tragic the past had been for both Misato Katsuragi and Asuka Langley Sohryu. His own family had died before Second Impact. Normal deaths that allowed a person to grieve and recover. Nothing like the trauma experienced by the Major and the volatile Pilot of Unit 02.

Gendou made it an issue to apprise himself of the current emotional and psychological status of all the important pieces on his shogi (Japanese Chess) board. "I believe the Major will fall in line. Her allegiance no longer lies with her former lover." In fact, while Doctor Akagi's assessment of her friends hinted that the relationship was indeed blossoming once more, he suspected that with proper incentive, Major Katsuragi would follow his orders. "As for the Second Children. She has always been more nuisance value than anything else. But every army has need of cannon fodder."

Kouzou shrugged his shoulders. Arguing with Gendou Ikari was a fruitless exercise. And often fatal. "The risks are too great. You gamble everything on them all performing as you direct. They're not puppets on strings Ikari. You even allow Rei to run unrestrained."

"Of all of them, Rei is the least of our worries Sensei." Gendou had spent most of his spare time devoted to ensuring the Pilot of Unit 00 did not deviate far from her profile. A profile he had constructed and nurtured.

You place too much faith in your little creation Ikari. Your doll is learning. The problems with the Dummy System are undeniable evidence. Yet you choose to ignore it. Such lapses will be your downfall.

***

Aida Residence 

"Man, did you see Yumi Hijiko? She looks even better in the flesh." Touji turned another page of the magazine he was 'reading', his adolescent eyes widened slightly at the tantalising sights it contained.

Kensuke checked that his image and video files continued to upload to his web page before he answered. "See her? I was standing next to Shinji when she practically threw herself at him." Removing his glasses, he wiped the tears of frustration away. "Why does he have all the luck? It must be because he's an EVA Pilot. It's not fair." He lamented.

Touji shook his head at his friends' ongoing obsession, his eyes never straying from the treasures on display in the magazine. "Everything comes back to that for you, doesn't it?"

"Well, have you got a better explanation?" He replaced his glasses and began editing the page layout to accommodate his latest additions.

"Not really." Shrugging his shoulders, Touji discarded his 'educational' material for the next one on the pile.

Kensuke spun around on his seat to face the young athlete. His eyes burning with an internal fire. "It has to be. I mean let's face it. Shinji's hardly anything special"

Rising to a sitting position, the tracksuit clad youth stared momentarily at the posters on the ceiling before he answered. "I dunno 'bout that. I overhead a few of the girls at school talking about him. Maybe they can see something we don't." He slowly rolled his head, popping his vertebrae back into place. "Girls don't think right when it comes to love"

"You mean like the Class Rep?" Kensuke fired the verbal barb, looking for a reaction.

"Huh? What are you talking about Ken?" His voice rose an octave or two, the panic in his voice self evident

The young military aficionado crossed his arms with a sense of smug superiority. "I've heard a few things." He replied smugly. "And the way she was staring at a certain someone tonight confirmed those rumours."

Touji moaned as a wave of nausea threatened to overcome him. "The Class Rep's got a thing for Shinji?" Touji immediately sorted through his memories, looking for any instance where the pretty, young brunette had made her intentions concerning Shinji Ikari known.

"Nope." Kensuke shook his head. "At least not that I know of."

Touji's relief was short lived as he carefully considered the alternatives. "Not that guy that the Demon was hanging all over?" He tried to recall his name, but failed. "You know, that old guy." He had heard Asuka carry on about how awesome the guy was. As far as Touji could tell, he was just some loser in need of a shave and a decent tailor.

"Try again." Kensuke's grin evolved into a leer.

"It couldn't be you." Touji murmured, much to Kensuke's chagrin. "Who then?"

Slightly upset at his supposed friends rather brutal critique, Kensuke decided that he had had enough of this particular game and opted to put the boy out of his misery. "You see his face every morning."

"Dad? Seriously?" Touji spluttered. Just where would his father find the time to hit on fourteen year old girls, especially since he could barely manage to visit his own daughter in hospital.

Kensuke fell out of his chair and landed heavily on the floor. "Just how dense are you? I'm talking about you, you moron."

"She was looking at……." Touji pointed his index finger at his own chin

"Yep." Kensuke sighed, as Touji finally understood things.

"You're kidding? The Class Rep was looking at me?" Touji's grasp of simple mathematics was tenuous at best. The equation Kensuke was explaining confounded him completely.

Ignoring Touji's baffled look of incomprehension, Kensuke considered one of the nights other strange occurrences. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was the same way Ayanami was looking at Shinji." While not as overt as the Demon's adolescent flirting or the Class Representative's immature glances, he had caught the quiet albino staring at his quiet friend. And it didn't look like the normal expressionless void that normally graced her features. It was something altogether different.

"Is that why Ayanami volunteered to stay with Shinji?" At the time Touji had been otherwise occupied with the attractive young women parading around to bother with the likes of the three fourteen year old girls. A guy had to have priorities.

Kensuke picked up his replica pistol and began shooting imaginary targets. "Don't know but did you catch the look on the Demon's face?" Seeing Touji shake his head, he continued. "I managed to record it on tape. She looked mildly upset didn't she?"

"That's one way of putting it. If looks could kill, Shinji would have just died right then and there." Touji got to his feet and prepared to head home. "Hey Ken, can you tell the Class Rep I won't be at school tomorrow."

Noting the sombre expression, he knew why. "Mari-chan?"

The smile Touji was trying for never made it. "Yeah. Dad's too busy with work to spend a lot of time with her, so if I'm not there she'll be all alone." Initially it had torn his heart watching his sister suffer so much. Seeing her smile every time he visited made him realise just how much his family meant.

Waving his hand, Kensuke smiled, hoping to lift his friend's spirits. "Sure thing. I'll let her know. How about we go see Shinji later on?"

The opportunity to see the Miss Japan Finalists did manage to revitalise his spirits. "Wouldn't miss it. Maybe he'll introduce us to all the babes."

***

Tokyo-3 International Hotel 

Shinji continued to stare at the digital display of the clock across the room. It had been two hours since both he and Rei had climbed into the bed. I can't believe she fell asleep so quickly. Isn't she the least bit embarrassed by all this?. Memories of how she had simply exited the bathroom once she was finished and had dressed in front of him caused a raging inferno of emotions to burn inside his adolescent frame. When she had finished he could only offer his apologies as he raced inside for his own shower, hoping that the water would somehow soothe the steadily increasing warmth he felt all over. Maybe I should have slept on the couch?

Resting on his side he swallowed nervously as he felt the young girl beside him shift slightly in her sleep. At least she wears clothes to bed. He thought, somewhat embarrassed by the fact that part of him had actually entertained the idea that she may sleep naked. Some of his more 'interesting' dreams were very similar in situation to his current predicament. Although his dream self was nowhere near as petrified as his real self presently was.

His body tensed as the steady warm breathing of his bedtime partner blew gently across the back of his neck. The sensation was nearly more than he could endure as certain parts of his anatomy began to respond almost automatically.

Not good, Not good. Turning his head slowly, he caught a glimpse of Rei's light blue hair behind his shoulder. "Uhmmm ….. Ayanami? Are you awa-" His softly spoken question lodged in his throat as a slender pale arm snaked it's way around his waist, grasping him firmly.

Shinji's mind suddenly lost all cohesion as he felt the young girls small frame press against him. Her body moving against his until it found equilibrium.

Kami-sama, help. Shinji pleaded to whatever deities were willing to listen as his own body further reacted to the embrace he know found himself ensnared in.

Unsure of just how to act in such a situation, he stayed as motionless as he could, waiting for the right opportunity to present itself.

Sensing Rei's hold on him _finally_ relax, he quickly extricated himself from her hold and slipped out of the bed. Gazing down at the quiet girl, he couldn't help but think she resembled something straight out of a fairytale. She looks like Sleeping Beauty. Or maybe a Fairy Princess. The muted light from the crescent moon in the night sky cast a gentle halo around her pale features.

Realising his eyes were wandering, as were his thoughts, he grabbed a hotel kimono and quietly left the room, hoping that a walk around the hotel would clear his mind.

***

Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence 

Misato sat down onto her futon and scratched her thigh as she vented her complaints and frustrations into the phone. "I still can't fathom the Commander. I really couldn't believe he'd just allow Rei to stay with Shinji-kun."

"Commander Ikari must have his reasons Misato." Ritsuko's voice had a faint trace of weariness as she spoke. "He doesn't allow things to happen spontaneously. In my experience he likes to have ……. complete control of a situation."

Checking a nearby beer can, Misato sighed as she discovered it was already empty. If Shinji-kun was here I could just call for him to get me another. "I don't know if I should be worried or not." She flopped backwards across the comforter and stared at the ceiling.

"What about? You don't think Shinji-kun is going to jump Rei, do you?" Ritsuko could barely contain her amusement at the lurid suggestion.

"No. That's not it." Misato tried to envisage her Shinji attempting something along the lines of what Asuka generally accused him of every day. She just couldn't picture her timid Shinji doing anything of the sort. "I think Shinji-kun was even more shocked than the rest of us. It's just…. Rei seemed almost…..well….eager." She struggled to convey her sense of just how surreal it had seemed. "I've never seen her offer to do anything before. She usually just stands there waiting to follow orders."

"I'll have to agree with you about Rei acting a little different." Ritsuko confirmed. "Her latest psychological evaluations indicate that she's changing."

"Things would have been so much easier if Asuka had just been slightly more amicable about the whole thing." She fumed as she recalled just why Asuka had been so adamant in her refusal. "It's all because Kaji was there."

"And just what was Kaji-kun doing there?" The mirth in her question only increased Misato's irritation.

"What else. I think he ended up leaving in the company of one of the contestants." Watching the fool wave as he walked off with some young floozy had pissed her off. Her hand had twitched very close to her holstered firearm. It had taken all her self restraint not to fire at the grinning idiot. "I thought Asuka was going to explode. She ended up taking it out on Shinji."

"And how do you feel about that Misa-chan? From what Maya told me, both you and Kaji-kun were quite friendly during our little power outage recently." Misato could literally hear Ritsuko grinning.

"Shut up Ritsuko. It wasn't like that!" Misato shouted.

"You called me!" The blonde scientist countered sharply.

"Doctor Akagi." A distinctly male voice interrupted on Ritsuko's end of the line.

"I have to go Misato. I'll see you tomorrow." Ritsuko's excitement was followed by the sudden disconnection of the line as she obviously hung up.

Misato gaped at the phone. "That was a man's voice? Ritsuko never told me she was seeing anyone." And why did it sound so familiar?

***

Tokyo-3 International Hotel 

"Not too many guests up at this time." Shinji mused to himself as he waited for the elevator. Once the lift arrived he stepped inside and pressed the button to take him to the lobby.

"Hold the lift. Please." Upon hearing the voice, Shinji pressed the hold button to allow the person to join him in the lift. His eyes widened slightly as he saw who it was.

"Thank you Shinji. I thought for a minute that I'd missed you." The light female voice held an amused tone as the women joined him in the elevator.

"Tanaka-san?" Shinji stared openly at the young woman. She was attired in the same hotel provided kimono as he was. But her finely toned body was practically on display as her garment was obviously at least a size or two too small for her. Blushing uncontrollably as he noticed that she had caught him gazing at her more salient features, he cast his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry, Tanaka-san." He mumbled apologetically, hoping that she wasn't too much stronger than Asuka as he waited for her to slap him.

"Shinji, please, call me Megumi." The lift slowly began its journey down as Megumi slowly closed in on the youth who in turn backed up against the wall. "We never did have the chance to ….. finish our conversation, did we? Perhaps we can pick up where we left off?"

At some point during her speech, Megumi had attached herself to the young boy and proceeded to nuzzle at his neck. A low moan escaped her lips as her breasts rubbed into her captive. "Mmmmm….Shinji."

A soft chime filled the air as the lift doors opened. "Oh excuse us, we didn't realise the lift was occup……Shinji-kun?"

"Kaji-san!?" Looking over the shoulder of his overly amorous assailant, Shinji caught the rakish grin of the man that treated him more like a son than his own father ever had.

Ryouji used his free hand to give the boy a thumbs up, his other arm being wrapped around the waist of young woman. A woman Shinji recognised. Seeing his young friend stare openly at his companion, Kaji decided introductions where in order. "Ohh, allow me to introduce my …….. associate. Mayu Seijiro, meet-"

"Yes, I know. Shinji Ikari right? We've met at the dinner earlier. I'm Mayu Seijiro, journalist for 'New Look' and contestant number Seven." Mayu smiled at the obviously distraught boy. "My photo shoot's tomorrow." Her gaze then hardened as her eyes met those of the young woman attached to him. "Tanaka!" Venom literally dripped from the word.

"Ahh, Seijiro. I see your taste in men hasn't improved any." Megumi's eyes narrowed playfully. "Or is it his bank account that you find is his most attractive feature?"

Having been released from Megumi's grasp, Shinji slowly made his way around the two women as they continued to glare at one another and spar verbally. Ryouji motioned the boy outside. "Well Shinji-kun, it looks like I didn't have to worry about you too much." He said as he slipped a computer disk into his jacket pocket.

"What do you mean Kaji-san?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice.

Ryouji laughed. "I thought maybe I could offer a few words of advice. A few pointers on how to ….. make the most of your situation." He slapped the boy on the back in congratulation at his escapade. "But it seems your doing fine on your own."

"But…. I ……. She……… we ……… not.." Kaji chuckled at the boy's stammering.

"Katsuragi, Asuka, Ayanami. Is there any woman capable of resisting your charms?" He pursed his lips as he considered the options. "Ritsuko perhaps? Maybe young Miss Ibuki?" Ryouji's wolfish grin only further embarrassed him. "Or have you had them as well?"

"Misato-san? We haven't…..Asuka?" He shivered slightly at the thought of just how Asuka would react if he even so much as looked at her the wrong way. He found all the women that Kaji mentioned attractive in their own right and not just physically. But he knew that he could never hope to approach them in the same casual manner that the man before him would.

"Settle down Shinji-kun. It's a joke. Take it easy." Ryouji tried his best to soothe the boy's nerves as two voices from inside the elevator suddenly stopped their arguing.

"Ryo-chan! You told me that Shinji Ikari was a close personal friend of yours and that you'd introduce me to him."

Ryouji covered his face with a hand as he sighed. "I didn't lie about that. Tell her Shinji-kun."

The voice of Megumi Tanaka interjected violently. "Keep your hands off Seijiro. I've already laid claim. And you can tell that to all those other tramps."

Shinji considered the options available to him and selected an old personal favourite.

He ran.

***

Watching the stars shimmer, Shinji could only wonder why things always went horribly wrong. His wandering thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a silhouette suddenly obscuring his vision. Kami-sama, no. Megumi-san found me!

"Why are you here, Ikari-kun?"

"Ayanami?" Shinji blinked. "I thought you were asleep?"

Stepping out of the shadows, Rei's familiar pale features, azure hair and crimson eyes created a picturesque contrast with the night sky. "I was." Taking a seat, she glanced briefly at the sullen youth before staring off into the distance. "When I awoke, you were no longer in the room."

"How did you manage to find me?" Shinji wasn't absolutely certain but he thought he could hear an undertone to her voice that he had never heard before. Is she upset?

"Section 2." She turned towards him, her face angled at the ground. "I contacted them to discover your location." There it was again, he thought, sure that he had heard her voice waver slightly. "With that information, I made my way here to ensure your safety."

"Because I'm a Pilot." His voice dropped to a whisper.

"No." Rei shook her head briefly. "Not entirely."

"Why else, Ayanami? I'm just a fellow Pilot. And I'm not even good at that." His hand began clenching into a fist and releasing as he endeavoured to control himself. "I'm not good at anything."

"I….." Her gentle voice forced him to raise his head and make eye contact. "I …am unsure of why." A small frown furrowed her brow. "It is…..confusing."

Rising to his feet, Shinji moved over to stand beside the young girl. He watched her struggle with whatever uncertainty it was that assailed her. "Ayanami." Slowly, his trembling hand reached out, his intention to comfort her somehow. Instead he retracted his hand, frightened that it would be misinterpreted, that he would only suffer for his actions. "Maybe we should go back." Hanging his head in shame, he began walking back towards the hotel.

"Agreed." Matching his stride, Rei watched the disconsolate youth slowly come to a halt.

"I'm sorry Ayanami." The warm breeze caused his hair to fall across his forehead. The resulting shadows obscured his dark blue eyes.

Rei felt her breath catch in her gradually constricting throat as a glistening trickle of water ran down his cheeks. "You have nothing to apologise for Ikari-kun."

"Yes I do. I'm your friend, Ayanami. And the first time you actually need my support, I failed you." Closing the distance between the two of them, he nervously reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. Squeezing it gently, he looked into her eyes, the distress and confusion that he felt dissolved as he lost himself in the depths of the twin red orbs.

Before he could remove his hand, Rei reached up and covered it with her own, returning the soft caress. When I am with Commander Ikari, there are no doubts. He lays the path that I am to follow. Why is it that Ikari-kun's presence creates such turbulence and indecision inside me? It only interferes with my ability to perform my duties adequately. And yet……I want…..to be…..here with him……….With Him 

"You are mistaken Ikari-kun. I am not your friend." Rei's eyes widened as she finally attained a level of understanding that had eluded her until now. "I am your girlfriend."

***

**_End Fourth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Why have Rei grab Shinji in bed. I happened to catch a documentary on sleeping habits and patterns and it explained how sometimes when people shift and move in their sleep, the tendency is to latch onto the nearest available body. So don't read too much into it. It was simply a bit of fluff to ease the story along.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	5. Fifth Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

The previous chapters have set the scene. Hopefully things will pick up a little now. Not too much though. Just enough to keep the readers interested. You are interested, aren't you? Hello? Anybody there? (Author envisages numerous readers all going to the other stories. You know the ones. The ones that actually compel the reader to continue reading.)

**_All That I Am_**

**_Fifth Refrain – Change of Style_**

**_Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence_**

"Morning Shinji, Morning Asuka." The half asleep, half naked form of Misato Katsuragi stumbled across the kitchen floor to her beer fridge to indulge in her first early morning pick-me-up. "WAICHAA! That's the stuff." Closing her eyes, Misato inhaled the fresh aroma of the now empty can. "Nothing says 'Good Morning World' like Yebisu." Sighing wistfully now that one of her daily requirements was met, Misato smiled in satisfaction. "What's for breakfast Shinji-kun?" Not hearing her Shinji's usual response to her state of undress or her continued early morning drinking, Misato opened her eyes. She suddenly realised something was very wrong with the picture in front of her. "Asuka, what did you do with Shinji-kun?" Unable to conceal the panic in her voice, Misato quickly looked around the kitchen for telltale signs of the boy's gruesome demise.

The knuckles of the young girl's hands cracked as she clenched her hands into tight fists. "**_What I Did_**!" Asuka enunciated every syllable. "You're the one that decided to leave the little pervert with the doll." Having had little to no sleep all night, Asuka's frustration was at an all time high. "What's for breakfast? And before you say it, leftovers are not an option." Her temper continued to simmer, images of her beloved Kaji flirting with other women flashing annoyingly in the back of her mind interspersed with the occasional image of the Third Children enjoying his time with the First Children.

Pen-Pen managed a feeble wark in agreement as he continued to heave into a basin. The unopened beer can beside him a sure sign that he was very, very ill indeed.

Misato's expression darkened slightly as she thought, not for the first time, just what had convinced her to offer to take the unruly red head in. It all disappeared quickly as she was struck by a bolt of inspiration. Striding over to the cupboards, she pulled out three Styrofoam containers. "Tada. The breakfast of champions." Pleased with her decision she decided to celebrate with another can of amber life.

"You can't be serious." Asuka's growl was complemented by the grating of her teeth, glaring at the lavender haired woman. "I am not eating cup ramen for breakfast."

Misato's eyes narrowed answering the girl's glare with her own. "And what do you suggest Asuka?"

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

The hotel manager blinked nervously at the two women beside him. "This is highly irregular. I don't thi-"

Asuka waved the man's pathetic concerns away with her hand. "Shut up and open the door. Who knows what sort of horrible things Baka Shinji is committing." Her eyebrow twitched slightly, her imagination conjuring all sorts of depraved, unspeakable acts that only further spurred her on. Kaji's betrayal was distressing for the fourteen year old girl to accept. For some inexplicable reason the mere thought of the Third Children and First Children being romantically or even physically involved was only exacerbating the situation. Unwilling and unable to confront the man that for all intents and purposes held her heart, she decided that she would convey her dissatisfaction to the other elements of emotional disturbance.

"Asuka, is this really necessary?" Misato checked her watch, noting the time. "You've got school soon and I've got to get to work." And track that bastard Kaji down. He's got some explaining to do.

Barging into the room now that it was unlocked, Asuka flicked her hair back as she stormed purposely onwards. "Of course it is. Your precious Shinji is probably doing all sorts of things with his doll. The sick little hentai."

Sighing in defeat, Misato thanked the shaken manager and followed the highly agitated Second Children. "Morning Shinji-kun." Misato smiled at the boy, assuming his look of fear and shock was something to do with the angry German girl standing in front of him with a scowl on her face. "Oh breakfast." Misato said, looking at the generous portions heaped on the serving tray. "Mind if I join you?"

Misato's words broke the boy from his fear-imposed trance like state. "Good morning Misato-san. Sure, help yourself. Guten Morgen Asuka." He stuttered. "Do you want some to?"

Swiping a sausage from his plate, Asuka looked around the room thoughtfully munching on the spicy morsel. "Morning Baka. Where's Wonde…….."

Having seated herself beside Shinji, Misato began helping herself to the savoury foods heaped on his plate. Her attention was partially distracted by the sudden absence of Asuka's voice. Reluctantly, she looked up to see a slightly damp and very nude First Children wander into the room and finish drying herself. "Rei?"

"Yes Major." Without batting an eyelid at the presence of her commanding officer or the Pilot of Unit 02, Rei made her way over to the dresser and selected a matching set of white cotton panties and bra.

Misato swallowed her food before proceeding. "Do you normally parade around naked? Or are we interrupting something special between you and Shinji-kun?""

With her underwear now on, Rei retrieved a school uniform from the wardrobe. "I have just finished my morning hygiene requirements. I am getting dressed now."

Baffled by the girl's casual indifference to her audience, Misato could only nod her head as she savaged a piece of French toast. "Is that so. Oh well, considering I practically do the same thing, Shinji-kun should be used to this sort of thing. Right Shinji-kun?" Misato nudged the boy, hoping for his familiar response to such an interesting display. Much to her dismay the youth was completely immobile. The fork he had been using clattered to his plate as it slipped from his grasp. "Shinji-kun?" He still did not respond as she waved her hand in front of his eyes. "Perhaps not."

Misato considered what to do as a musical voice called from the hallway. "Morning Shinji, mind if I join you for ……. "The smiling face of Megumi Tanaka popped around the corner. "Oh you have guests." The mischievous smile faltered slightly as she quickly examined the newest interlopers, determining the potential nuisance level they were to her plans.

Her voice broke both Shinji and Asuka from their states of shock. "Of Tana………..Megumi-san. Good morning." Shinji blushed, noticing her morning attire was even more inappropriate than Misato's had ever been. Even having become slightly desensitised to Misato's habit of wearing skimpy clothing around the apartment, he was decidedly unprepared for both Rei's nakedness or Megumi's revealing appearance.

His wandering eyes were distracted by Misato's clicking fingers. "Shinji-kun, mind introducing us."

Stuttering with embarrassment at being caught ogling both Rei, as she prepared to eat the contents of her fruit platter, and Megumi. Shinji looked at the floor as he mumbled his reply. "Misato-san, Megumi-san is one of the finalists in the contest. Megumi-san, Misato-san is my guardian and Commanding Officer. Asuka is an EVA Pilot, like myself and Ayanami."

Megumi smiled, moving over to stand in front of Rei. "I remember The little foreign girl was the one all over that guy that Seijiro ended up spending the night with." The wicked smile that Megumi fired in Asuka's general direction was returned by a look Shinji knew only too well. "And you're Shinji's girlfriend." Megumi looked the girl from head to toe and laughed slightly. "My, my but Shinji does have rather ……..unique taste."

Rei raised her eyes to stare at the woman. "As a contestant Tanaka-san, it is improper for you to be in the judge's room. Remove yourself. Or I will be forced to have Hotel Security do so." Having spoken, she returned to finish eating her food.

Megumi smiled at the girl. A smile that held no warmth or compassion. She continued to smile as she turned and walked slowly from the room. "Shinji."

"Yes Megumi-san?"

"I'll catch up with you later. Bye for now." Megumi winked and blew him a kiss before disappearing.

"That was something else. Care to explain Shinji-kun?" Misato's smile provided every indication that she was definitely going to use this little drama to torment the poor boy for the foreseeable future.

"Well ……. You see……..It's …… Uhmmm." Unable to construct a reply that would sound even remotely believable, Shinji hung his head, accepting his fate.

"BAKA SHINJI!" The shout from the now fully enraged Asuka informed him that Misato's teasing was the least of his worries.

***

**_Tokyo-3 Municipal High School_**

"I see. Thank you Aida-kun. I'll pass it on to Sensei." Hikari's eye's wandered over to Touji's regular seat. She was unable to hide the concern in her eyes as she tried to contemplate just how hard it was for him to watch over his younger sibling. Masking his own pain in the hopes of cheering up the bed ridden girl.

Not catching the young brunette's meaningful glance, Kensuke turned to take his own seat. "No problem Class Rep."

"How……. How is Suzuhara-kun's little sister doing?" Her question, catching him off guard, brought him to a halt.

"Mari-chan's getting better every day." Kensuke smiled as he thought of how cheerful the little girl was considering how long she had been hospitalised. "Touji just worries about her, that's all." His words prompted a shy smile from the girl. "I don't have any siblings, it's just me and Dad. So I don't really know what Touji's going through, but," Kensuke stared at the empty seat of the boy in question. "he's my friend. Besides, we guys have to stick together."

"He's very caring." Hikari idly fidgeted with the hem of her skirt as she struggled to control the heat burning her cheeks. "It's….. I mean……..He, Suzuhara-kun."

Kensuke's short burst of laughter drew a few stray looks from his fellow students. "Well that's not what the Devil has to say. According to that one, me, Touji and Shinji are just about the lowest forms of life in existence." He occasionally wondered why the red head even bothered to speak to any of them at all. If she hated them as much as she did, surely she'd just ignore them.

Hikari had long since given up trying to heal the rift that existed between her friend and the so-called 'Three Stooges'. It was a waste of time and energy. "Asuka? Asuka just hasn't known him long enough. She can't see his gentle side. How kind he can be."

Shrugging his shoulders, Kensuke turned his eyes to another suspiciously empty seat. "Speaking of Satan's daughter. Where is she? I haven't heard her constant complainng at all this morning." While not quiet, the absence of the outspoken German girl created a noticeable void in the classroom.

"NERV maybe?" Asuka's absence had her worried. Something may have happened. That was usually the case when the Pilot's were absent.

"Nah. Shinji said they didn't have any tests until tonight." Kensuke checked his pocket computer to confirm the Pilot's schedule. "Maybe the top brass finally deported her back to Germany." He smiled, imagining just how good life would be without the red haired Demon ruining life for the general populace of Tokyo-3.

"Aida-kun!" Standing up, Hikari planted both hands on her hips, glaring at the impertinence of his statement.

Holding his hands up, Kensuke pleaded for clemency, sort of. "Yeah, you're right. We couldn't be that fortunate. Evil of that magnitude never goes away that easily. Have to seal her away first. Maybe in concrete"

With an exasperated sigh, Hikari sat back down. "It's no wonder Asuka treats you guys the way she does. You're terrible."

Kensuke' suddenly looked serious as he stared at the Class Representative for 2-A "No. Just honest. We don't particularly like her and she feels the same way about us. Just look at the way she treats Shinji." It's like she seeks him out just to vent her anger. Then she accuses him of being a boring little boy when he just backs down.

Hikari had a few thoughts about that particular situation. "You guys don't know anything. You don't understand how a girl's heart works." Her intuition told her that there was something else to Asuka's continual verbal battering of the shy Pilot of Unit 01.

"Class Rep, nothing you can say will ever convince me that one even has a heart."

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

"Jealous?."

Rei took her eyes from the television production shoot that was underway to answer the elderly woman standing beside her. "Not at all. I am learning many things." For a large part of the morning she had stood by and observed the shy Pilot of Unit 01 who was subjected to numerous advances by the contestants as they continued with the filming of the televised event and associated magazine photo shoots.

"I'm Kaede by the way. Kaede Mishima. I'm the clothing coordinator." She watched how the young girl's expression changed from indifferent to almost disapproving every now and then, especially when one of the contestants went a little too far with the young boy. "Well, while we're waiting for your cute little boyfriend to finish up, how about we prepare a little surprise for him." While her face was a mask of wrinkles, her smile and the sparkle in her eyes spoke of youthful exuberance. 

"Surprise?" Rei's head tilted slightly to the side, trying to ascertain the woman's intent.

Peering in close to the young girl, the woman eyed her speculatively. "Hmm. With your complexion I'd suggest a little eye shadow to emphasise your eyes. And maybe a light shade of lipstick." Taking a step back, she crossed her arms and ran her eyes over her petite frame "Now what sort of dress. Definitely one with spaghetti straps. Have to show off that figure, you know." Satisfied with her conclusions, she began ushering Rei towards the area set up as a change room for the contestants.

Surveying the vast arrangement of clothes racks and vanity mirrors, Rei tried to fathom the reason for it all. "What purpose will this serve Mishima-san?"

Ignoring the girl's confused question, Kaede began sorting through the clothes, appraising them into potentials, possibles and not a chance. "Purpose? It's just another facet of a woman's combat training."

"Combat? Training? I do not understand." The sound of excited giggling drew her attention back to where Shinji was. A small group of the beauty contestants were presently making a fuss over the young boy, who was changing into his plug suit.

Taking note of the object of fascination that drew the young girls' eyes, Kaede nodded her head. "When a women has her eyes set on a certain someone, she needs to enhance her best qualities. Not all battles are fought with weapons of mass destruction."

Not quite understanding why she found herself observing the predicament of the Third Children, Rei simply nodded her head. "It is confusing. But I will try."

Slapping her on the back, Kaede held up a set of suggestive underwear. "That's the spirit. Now, with this style of dress you'll need to wear a strapless bra and G-string panties. You can leave your clothes here, I'll have them sent up to your room."

"I dislike the colour red." Rei's eyes narrowed in distaste as she stared at the dress.

"What are talking about Wonder Girl, Red's simply the best colour there is."

Both Rei and Kaede turned to face the source of interruption. "Pilot Sohryu, should you not be at school?"

Asuka walked past both people to watch the event unfold with detached interest. "I just had to see what all the fuss is about." Sneering at the antics, she looked on in disgust. "Schiesse, is it just me or are all these old hags absolutely shameless? Gott, their taste is severely lacking if they can throw themselves at Baka Shinji like that."

Ignoring the feigned attitude of the newest spectator, Kaede began sorting through the remaining outfits for something more suitable for the young blue haired girl. "It's all part of the contest. Don't worry about it. Well, perhaps a dark shade of lavender."

"That colour is acceptable." Rei began removing her clothes in preparation of her fitting.

Smiling at the reserved attitude the girl displayed, she began handing over the new clothes for her to wear. "Then let's give those girls something to worry about."

"Hah! Wonder Girl all 'Dolled' up. This I just have to see."

***

**_NERV Headquarters – Terminal Dogma_**

"Are all the preparations for the Compatibility experiment complete?" Gendou had been standing in the one spot for nearly three quarters of an hour. His gaze all but consumed by skeletal structures that filled the gigantic cavern-like room.

Kouzou looked out over the Evangelion graveyard. Humanities failures at reproducing their enemy littered the floor below. "Almost. The respective Pilot's data has been uploaded into the other's Unit's. Doctor Akagi is preparing the test facility for tonight. What of Unit 02 and it's Pilot?" He wondered just how many lives would have been spared had the funding been re-allocated to those impoverished nations. He shook his head. Without the creation of the Evangelions, humanity would not even be here.

Clasping his hands behind his back, Gendou smiled faintly. "The Second Children will participate. She will undergo a standard harmonics and activation test. That should satisfy her ego."

Leaning against the gantry railing, Kouzou allowed himself to chuckle. "My my. Concern for one of the superfluous pawns. How unlike you Ikari." The dry humour seemed very out of place in such a sombre location.

Scoffing at his subordinate's ridiculous statement, he returned his attention to the things that were both a monument to mankind's folly and a testament to their ingenuity. "She may be expendable but we still need her to play her part. It would not do for her to break before her appointed time."

"Your arrogance never ceases to amaze me Ikari." Kouzou shook his head. I should have known. "Hopefully if all else fails your own pride will be enough to bring us victory."

"It is her own arrogance that will be her downfall, I only seek to aid the natural process. Her destiny was decided long before her mother decided to participate in Project E." Memories of how the foolish woman had attempted to follow in Yui's footsteps had confounded him. She didn't realise the intrinsic differences between Adam and Lillith. Kyouko Zeppelin Sohryu's own stupidity condemned not only herself but also her own daughter.

"And what of your destiny Ikari?" As he asked the question, he was certain what response he would receive.

"I am one who writes his own." Gendou stared at his gloved hands, watching them grip the railing so tight, he expected the soft material to tear.

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

"Sooooo, what does the cute boyfriend think?" Kaede grinned at the flustered young boy as he stared in awe at the sight before him.

"Ayanami? Is that really you?" Blinking in amazement at the transformation that a simple change in wardrobe could create, Shinji ran his eyes over Rei, absorbing every last detail. Is she wearing lipstick? Her hair's been styled to. It looks really nice like that.

Rei found herself slightly uncomfortable under Shinji's scrutiny. "I am myself Ikari-kun."

Finding himself bereft of rational thought, Shinji uttered the words that he was thinking. "You…..You're beautiful."

Blushing at his open praise of her appearance, Rei nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Thank you Ikari-kun." The words, still unfamiliar, felt even more appropriate than the first time she had ever used them.

"You think she's beautiful?" Asuka exclaimed. "Just because she finally wears something other than her school uniform? You have got weird taste Third Children." She could barely believe the boy's statement. He's never called **_me_ beautiful before! Jerk!**

Kaede's grin widened. "Well, her boyfriend appreciates it so that's all that really matters." She clapped her hands as she thought of something. "Why don't you keep it for the party Saturday night? There'll be dancing and I think that outfit is perfect for the festivities. The way young Ikari is looking at you he'll like it all the more when it's lying on the bedroom floor." She winked suggestively at the boy, causing his already red features to change to a bright crimson.

"Party? Dancing?" Asuka pushed her way past a shocked Third Children. "I've got to get started. See you two at NERV later."

Finally regaining his senses, Shinji watched the young German girl with a mixture of confusion and wonderment. "Where are you going Asuka?"

"I need a new dress for when Kaji-san takes me to the party, idiot." She called from across the auditorium.

"Ikari-kun?" The soft voice behind him recaptured his attention.

"What is it Ayanami?" He turned to gaze once again at the reborn figure of the First Children.

Rei found herself unable to hold Shinji's almost unrelenting gaze. Her chest constricted and the familiar warmth returned even stronger than before. "Am I………..Do you really think ……..I ….am"

Shinji swallowed nervously as he confirmed his earlier statement. "I do. Not just because of the new dress either." His mind wandered back to the many instances where he had found himself thinking about the Pilot of Unit 01. "I've always thought you were very pretty."

"Ooooh, he's quite the charmer, dearie. You'll have to keep an eye on this one."

***

**_NERV Headquarters – Central Dogma_**

"So what do you say Katsuragi, want to join me?" Kaji sat down on table where the reluctant object of his affection was doing her best to ignore him.

"Why don't you just go with that floozy you slept with?" Misato snapped as her eyes shot icy daggers at the all too relaxed man.

"So you heard about that?" Ryouji's smile faltered slightly.

Misato's eyes narrowed dangerously as she very slowly nodded her head once. "Asuka managed to convince poor Shinji-kun to tell her everything." Her teeth grated, never once taking her eyes off the now visibly sweating man. "You may want to avoid Asuka for a while Kaji. She was really upset about the whole thing. Who knows what sort of damage a jealous fourteen year old piloting a biomechanical fighting machine could do? I hope your medical insurance is paid up. How would it look if NERV's Special Inspector was squashed flat by Unit 02's boot?"

Recovering from his initial surprise at the woman's acidic words, Kaji trialed his latest 'Lady Killer' smile. "Unforgiving as usual Katsuragi? You really need to work on your compassion."

Ignoring the toothy grin, Misato countered with a devious smile of her own. "Maybe I should start thinking about settling down with someone? Like Shinji-kun for instance?" Crossing her legs, Misato rested her index finger against her cheek. "What would you have to say about that Kaji? Maybe I could show him, how'd you put it? Ah yes, I remember." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "How wild I am in bed!" She spoke, her voice low and dripping with venom.

Realising his own poor choice of words were now returning to haunt him, Kaji decided he had lost a lot of ground in his battle to win the heart of the lavender haired Major. "I'd have to pass my condolences on to the Commander. Shinji-kun would never survive a relationship with you, Katsuragi. You'd be too much for him I think."

Sensing she now had NERV's Special Inspector against the ropes, Misato lunged in, going for the kill. "You'd be surprised what Shinji-kun is capable of. And we have been living together for a while now. Trust me Kaji, there's more to that young man than meets the eye"

"Misato, you promised you wouldn't seduce Shinji-kun." Both adults jumped slightly at the unexpected interruption.

Misato's face flushed a deep scarlet, realising how unseemly her previous statement must have sounded. "Ritsu-chan? I thought you were down in the EVA Cages."

"Maya-kun is finishing up down there." Smiling evilly at her friend, Ritsuko took a seat beside the flustered Major. "I've got a few things to finalise with the MAGI uplinks before the test later this evening."

Knowing that she was going to be explaining this one for a long time to come, Misato decided to change the topic of conversation to something more relevant. "Just why did the Commander decide this compatibility thing was so important? And why only Shinji and Rei? Shinji's been inside Unit 02 before, remember."

Humouring her friend, Ritsuko let her off the hook for now. "We've analysed the battle that Shinji-kun assisted Asuka with during the Sixth Angel. While they both broke they're average maximum's, the psychograph patterns of each Pilot indicated a significant amount of mental instability." Seeing the somewhat blank look on Misato's face, Ritsuko sighed. "Simply put, Unit 02 is configured specifically for Asuka. We'd have to rebuild the interface program from scratch to run this sort of experiment." Ritsuko paused and directed her none too friendly smirk at her other old college friend. "Oh and before I forget. Kaji-kun, you had a call from some young woman. Something about seeing you later tonight."

Kaji's shoulders dropped under the combined gazes of both women. "Thanks Ritsuko. You have no idea just how opportune that little bit of information is."

 "I've told you before Kaji-kun." Her eyebrow arched slightly as her green eyes flashed with wry amusement. "You need to be more discrete."

***

**_End Fifth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Hopefully things are still moving at a reasonable pace.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	6. Sixth Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Just finished a week long sabbatical (Really had to get away from work, humanity and life.). I don't think it will reflect in my writing though. I tend to agonise too much on the negative things when I have free time. Some of you may have picked up on that.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Sixth Refrain – Tentative Steps Forward and Back_**

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

"Are you sure you're okay Shinji-kun? Ritsuko said she wanted you to stay overnight for observation." Misato chewed nervously on her lip as she glanced at Shinji's reflection in the rear vision mirror. "She was worried that there might have been some mental contamination from Unit 00." The accident during the Compatibility Experiment was still being investigated by the blonde scientist and a host of NERV technicians when Shinji had woken up and declared himself well enough to leave. Ritsuko had advised her to keep an eye on him, just in case. In case of what exactly? Misato worried.

His weak smile did nothing to ease her concern. "I'm fine Misato-san, really. Just a bit of a headache." The thought of staying overnight at NERV Medical, yet again, didn't exactly thrill him. It wasn't that he disliked the people that worked there. It was simply the less time spent at NERV fullstop, the better. "Besides, there's only a couple of days to go and Nishijima-san said that this was when the production schedule would be stepped up. I agreed to see this through. I can't let them down." He looked out the window, feeling uncomfortable under Misato's knowing smile.

"Put Baka Shinji in an EVA and watch it go berserk." Asuka turned to smirk at the young boy sitting in the back seat. "You must have some serious problems in that perverted brain of yours." It was her first time seeing an out of control EVA. She had heard the rumours, read the reports, but second hand gossip and clinical battle analysis were no match for the real thing. And if half of what the bridge crew had told her was true, tonight's performance was nothing compared to Unit 01 during its inaugural battle. Asuka wondered why the EVA reacted to Shinji in that fashion. Baka Shinji the wimp. Baka Shinji the coward. Her eyes widened slightly as she took in his profile. His dark, tranquil eyes. The serious, melancholy expression. Shinji Ikari, the slayer of Angels.

Ignoring Asuka's snide remark, Misato changed the topic of conversation to something a little more important. "So, have you decided who's going to win? I could place a bet for us if you let me know in advance." She offered eagerly.

"Hmmph. As long as it's not that tramp Tanaka or that whore Seijiro……" the rest of Asuka's statement was lost amidst a turbulent ocean of German cursing. Shinji was quite certain that he had heard most of the words before. Usually in conjunction with his own name. He considered himself something of an expert when it came to Asuka and her German swear words.

Able to sympathise with her volatile young charge, Misato smiled despite her personal feelings about Ryouji's latest escapade. "Well, as soon as you know Shinji-kun, tell me. Aoba and Hyouga-kun are running a sweepstakes at work, I…… we could clean up."

It had been weighing on his mind since the beginning. I'm surprised it took her this long to ask. "It's not just me that makes the final decision, Misato-san. There's last years winner and the sponsor's have a representative on the panel as well." Both women seemed pleasant enough, if a little waspish in their criticisms of the contestants.

"If you ask me, none of them are all that great." Asuka pointed her thumb at the young girl seated beside Shinji. "Even Wonder Girl here could win."

"Speaking of that. Rei, I really like your new hairstyle. It suits you." The subtle change in the quiet girls appearance and attitude had shocked those who were more accustomed to her regular self. Misato had downplayed Ritsuko's thoughts that maybe it wasn't for the best. The fact that Shinji was slightly more upbeat than usual, something nearly unheard of, especially when he was at NERV, was more than enough for her to consider Rei's slight shift in personality a very positive change.

Up until this point, Rei had sat quietly in her seat, staring out the window. Or so it seemed. Essentially she had been observing the Pilot of Unit 01's reflection, feeling slightly unsettled as he occasionally glanced in her direction. "It is part of my latest training regime."

"What did Shinji-kun have to say about it?" Misato smiled openly. For the first time, she actually understood what the girl's obscure reference meant

That one moment. That one phrase, was etched into Rei's memory. She could recall every nuance of his face as he had uttered the words she had never heard before. Words she wanted to hear him say again. "He said I was beaut-"

"Who cares what Baka Shinji thinks?" Asuka cut in. "I'm hungry. What are we having for dinner?" She fumed, Shinji's spontaneous remark had upset her immensely. None of them are any match for me. Wonder Girl, Misato. Even those hags that have tricked my Kaji-san. None of them can match Asuka Langley Sohryu.

"There aren't many decent places open at this time of night Asuka." Misato suppressed the hunger pangs she had been feeling since Shinji had temporarily moved out. "There's still the Cup Ra-"

"Absolutely not!" The quiet fire that eternally burned within her eyes flared brighter than the stars combined.

Knowing that Asuka could only be pushed so far, Misato turned to her last resort. "Shin-chan, could you order some room service for us?"

The last resort in question, having a fine grasp of the people he was dealing with, responded as only he could. "Sure, no problem Misato-san."

"See Asuka. Problem solved. They didn't put me in charge of the three most powerful weapons on the planet because of my stunning good looks."

***

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV_**

"The experiment was a success." Ritsuko placed the final report on the Compatibility Experiment on the Commanders Desk. "Rei was able to synchronise with Unit 01 without any problems." She carefully omitted any reference to the psychological trauma experienced by his son. She knew full well that Gendou considered both the Prototype Evangelion and the Third Children useful only to a certain degree to his overall plan. And now the crucial juncture had arrived. Rei's successful activation of the Test Type Unit provided Gendou Ikari the catalyst to truly implement his own scenario.

Kouzou had watched the footage of the experiment. Somehow watching the blue giant react as it had was not his definition of success. "It appears allowing her to familiarise herself with the Third Children was productive, Ikari."

"Correlation between her psychograph readings and the Dummy System indicate that the emotional characteristics have stabilised significantly." Gendou pushed the report to one side. "Begin fast tracking the completion of the Dummy System." He would devour and digest the contents of the report later. "Its application will be necessary sooner rather than later."

Ritsuko threw a nervous glance at the brooding man. "Understood Commander. There were one or two other things that I needed to discuss with you…." She swallowed nervously.

He recognised the pleading look in Doctor Akagi's green eyes. He had witnessed the self same look of desperate need in her mother, Naoko. "Fuyutsuki, while Doctor Akagi and I discuss things, check on the status of the Evangelions."

The elderly professor masked his smile at the obscure pretence of both individuals "Of course Ikari." His mask slipped once he was outside. Noting the time, Kouzou Fuyutsuki offered the discrete suggestion to the bridge crew that the Commander would be otherwise unavailable for the next half hour or so.

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

Placing a coaster under yet another beer can, Shinji wondered just how sober a person had to be to legally operate a motor vehicle. "It's starting to get pretty late Misato-san. Shouldn't you be thinking about heading home?"

Misato drained the can as she washed her braised fillet steak down. "In a little while." Her eyes gleamed dangerously. "Why the sudden need to kick us out? Just what sort of games do you and Rei have planned Shinji-kun?" Misato's not so subtle innuendo left Shinji unable to formulate a coherent reply.

Asuka commenced ravaging her second dessert. "I told you Misato. You can't trust this pervert at all."

Rei left the pondering of her own dessert to watch the interaction between the Major and the Second Children while they both continued verbally tormenting the Third Children. "Ikari-kun has not assaulted me Pilot Sohryu. He has even offered to sleep on the couch." At the time she had questioned his desire to not sleep on the bed when it clearly had enough room to comfortably accommodate both of them at the same time. It still puzzled her. Yet I am glad he decided to sleep in the bed.

"So you mean you two……" Misato found herself unable to finish the question. Not really sure if she was ready for the answer she knew was coming.

"We share the bed while we sleep." Rei saw nothing untoward with the situation while a petrified Shinji slowly backed away from the now twitching Asuka.

"Together? At the same time?" Asuka's hand lashed out to grasp Shinji where he had been standing just moments before. Her hand continued to clutch at thin air as shock finally set in.

The reactions of all three only further increased Rei's confusion. "Is that not what I have stated?" Tilting her head slightly to one side, she waited for someone to explain what the perceived problem was.

Leaning in, Misato waited eagerly to hear all the juicy details. "Ohhh what next? Moving in together? Marriage? Wait, that's probably taking things too fast. Calling each other by first names?"

Rei turned her attention from Asuka to Misato. "Is that permitted Major Katsuragi?"

Recovering from her shock, Asuka walked over to a cringing Shinji. "Yeesh Wonder Girl. Look." She grabbed Shinji's jaw and forcibly dragged him over in front of the blue haired girl, ignoring his ineffective reluctance. "His name's Shinji. Or Baka Shinji. Or Hentai Shinji. Or -"

"Shinji-kun." Rei looked at the boy who had stopped his futile struggling at her using his first name. "Is this acceptable………Shinji-kun?" Her eyes carefully scrutinised his face, looking for any hint of disapproval or disappointment.

"Very much so……..Rei-cha….san." Shinji's smile caused the girl to blush uncontrollably, although nowhere near a match for his own.

"Rei-chan is acceptable Shinji-kun." She offered, liking how it sounded when said by him. The goose bumps she felt tingling across her flesh as he spoke her name was just one more new experience that she could only classify as agreeable.

"You Japanese and your anal retentive need for formality. What's wrong with just using someone's name?" Asuka released her hold on the boy at his words while Misato grinned, proud of the children as they made their first tentative steps into a brighter world.

***

Shinji carefully draped a blanket over his guardian's sleeping body as she lay sprawled on the couch. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her. Experience had taught him that a drunk, sleepy Misato was a very unpredictable Misato. He smiled faintly at how Touji and Kensuke would literally kill to see her like this. "Or any other guy for that matter." He whispered, having to agree with their assessment that she was a spectacular looking woman. But Misato's appearance held little sway with how he felt about the woman he considered the closest thing he had to family. "Pleasant dreams Misato-san." Her mumbled reply was mostly lost as he made his way to his own makeshift bed for the night.

He stared at the pillow and blanket with some resignation. Oh well, it's not like it's the first time I've had to sleep on the floor. He frowned slightly at the surfacing unpleasant memories of his drab, meagre existence before coming to Tokyo-3. "It could be worse. At least there's carpet here, like Misato-san's apartment." Shaking his head to clear the images of a past best forgotten, he crawled under the blanket, hoping that his dreams would be free of the nightmares that normally plagued his sleep.

His thoughts drifted back to his activation test inside Unit 00, what little he could recall. Was that Rei-chan I felt? The stark cold presence had terrified him. Silent, worthless, meaningless. Is that how she truly perceives herself? It had filled the entry plug. Shinji had found himself lost within the emptiness that sought to invade his mind. He wanted to express his admiration of her achievements. How in awe of her he was. Perhaps someday Rei-chan will know better. He could only hope.

***

A subtle movement broke him from his slumber. Shinji held his breath, waiting for whatever it was that had disturbed him, to make the first move. Seconds ticked by before he felt the night air brush briefly against his skin as the blanket was lifted then lowered once again. He knew it wasn't Misato. He could hear her light snoring across the room. Images of Asuka walking in her sleep had him sweating. She had a tendency to blame him for her nocturnal movements. Especially the few times when she ended up sleeping in his room.

"Shinji-kun?" A soft whisper accompanied the gentle warm breath that tickled the nape of his neck.

"Rei-chan?" He stammered. The panic slowly subsided as he rolled over to find her somewhat exhausted crimson eyes watching him. "Is something wrong?" He wondered if she was ill. She misses so many days of school, I hope it's nothing too serious.

"I was unable to sleep." Her eyes closed, hugging the blanket tightly around herself, inadvertently drawing him in closer. "Pilot Sohryu moves too much while she sleeps." Asuka had voiced her displeasure at having to share the bed with Rei, but had declared that it had to be safer than sleeping with a pervert. The words had upset Rei. Especially when Misato had done nothing to prevent the verbal tirade. Her false accusations are annoying. I do not understand why Shinji-kun accepts her abuse.

"I have to agree with you there." Shinji covered his mouth to muffle his laughter, remembering the synchronisation training for the battle against the Seventh Angel.

"Her crying is distracting also." She shifted slightly, her legs rubbing against his.

Shinji blinked at the feel of her soft, supple calf. "Asuka cried again? I wonder why?" His embarrassment and arousal was muted by his concern for Asuka. He didn't enjoy seeing people suffer. Least of all those he knew and considered friends.

Not realising her simple desire to find a comfortable position was driving the boy next to her to distraction, Rei snuggled in closer to the warmth his body was producing. "You were not briefed on her past."

He marvelled at how delicate her features were. Having been in a somewhat similar position with Asuka during their synchronisation training, he knew just how naturally attractive the redhead girl was. But Rei's face held a classic beauty that captured the eye. "And you were?"

Her eyes opened briefly before closing again. "I have sufficient clearance to access the personnel files."

"You do?" He found himself entranced by the way her mouth moved as she spoke while only marginally awake.

"Commander Ikari has deemed it necessary." Rei thought about how much classified information she was privy to. And how she was at the centre of the web of lies, deceit and intrigue that surrounded it.

The spell he had surrendered himself to was shattered. "Father………" 

Hearing how harsh his voice sounded she quickly opened her eyes only to watch him roll over, facing away from her. "I do not mean to upset you Shinji-kun."

"No, it's not your fault." He almost believed his own statement. Almost.

Rei's relationship with his father was always nagging at the back of his mind. It was times like this that only reinforced how wide and deep the gulf between his father and himself actually was. That the man had chosen to raise Rei over himself. How he used Rei's name where he was nothing more than the Third Children or the Pilot of Unit 01.

Realising her error, her hand moved out to comfort the distraught youth, in much the same way he had done so the night before. Hoping to convey the same feeling that his simple gesture had done for her.

Before her hand even reached its target, Shinji shifted even further away, leaving her exclusive use of the blanket. "I'm going to sleep now Ayanami. I guess I'm still a little exhausted from the accident earlier."

Rei flinched hearing how his words lacked their normal gentle tone, his use of her family name. She dropped her hand as she tried to fathom how to repair the damage. Her inexperience with other people and emotions in general left her lost and confused, uncertain of how to proceed.

***

Asuka looked across the table at Misato, who in turn returned the unspoken question. Both of them watched with a mixture of interest and concern at how the remaining two people acted as they ate their breakfast.

Rei would occasionally glance at Shinji. Each time she tried to say something the words never formed. Not that it would have mattered. Not with the young boy focusing his attention on everything but the First Children.

Shinji pushed his still mostly full plate away as he stood up. "Excuse me. I'm going for my shower. Nishijima-san was hoping to get an early start today."

Rei moved to her feet as he passed her. "I will join you after I shower Shinji-kun. We ca-"

Without pausing in his stride, Shinji grabbed his clothes. "Don't worry about it Ayanami. I'm sure you have better things to do." The bathroom door slid closed, the soft 'click' of the lock sounding ominous in the quiet hotel room.

Misato waited until she was certain that the shower was running before she turned back to the First Children. "Rei? Care to tell us what's going on?" The last she could remember was both Shinji and Rei agreeing to refer to each other by their first names. Somewhere between the sweet embrace of sleep and breakfast, things had changed dramatically.

Rei slowly shook her head. "There is nothing wrong Major Katsuragi." While her face remained mostly impassive, her hands were fidgeting. Something Misato could not recall ever seeing.

Asuka slammed her hands on the table. "That's a crock Wonder Girl. Normally Baka Shinji does nothing **_BUT_** stare at you." She leaned over the table. "And this morning he wouldn't even look at you once. Something's seriously screwed up, even more so than usual. Tell us what happened." She demanded.

"We can't help if you don't tell us what happened Rei." Misato had to agree with Asuka. For Shinji to not react to her standard morning teasing was a sure sign that he was upset about something. Although he's normally stressing over so many things. What could affect him so badly?

"It's okay Misato. I'll just force the answer out of him." Asuka cracked her knuckles and grinned menacingly at the bathroom

"Please, do not." Clasping her hands together, Rei continued to stare at the bathroom door.

Asuka threw her hands in the air, disgusted by how meek the girl was. "Whatever. Misato lets head home. I need to get some clothes."

Misato eyed the blue haired girl speculatively. She knew it was unlikely that Rei would divulge what had occurred to cause such a rift with Shinji. "Sure Asuka. Let's go."

***

"I need to return this to you Mishima-san." Rei reluctantly placed the parcel she had been clutching to her chest on a vacant chair. The emptiness that had once consumed her, returned full force.

Kaede looked at the contents, then at the Rei. "Why? The party isn't until tomorrow night. And in all honesty, they won't miss one outfit." She offered the parcel back to Rei.

Rei found herself unable to take her eyes off the parcel. She managed to restrain the compulsion that was screaming at her to take it back, to reclaim the warmth that chased the harsh, cold void away. "I will not be attending."

Kaede found herself unable to comprehend the change that had taken over the young girl. "But your boyfriend's one of the main guests, that means you-"

"Shinji-kun is no longer my boyfriend." Rei corrected the elderly woman. "We are no longer friends." Her stomach churned at the simple statement.

Glancing over to where the young boy in question was, Kaede smiled. "So that explains it."

"Explains what?" Rei followed her gaze. Her eyes instantly locking on Shinji.

Kaede inclined her head in Shinji's general direction. "Why your boyfriend out there's acting like it's the end of the world." She watched Rei carefully as she spoke. "Is this your first fight?"

Confused by the woman's insistence that Shinji was her boyfriend, Rei felt obligated to once again correct her, regardless of the pain it caused to utter the words. "I do not understand. I have stated we are-."

Ignoring her objections, Kaede motioned for the young girl to lean in. "Do you know what the most important part about a lovers quarrel is?" She smiled mirthfully as Rei shook her head. "It's not who said what or even who was in the wrong. It's about knowing when to set it all aside and make up." Her smile spoke of experience and encouragement.

"Make up?" The phrase only further confused her. I fail to see how cosmetics will solve the problem between myself and Shinji-kun.

Kaede's eyes stared off into the distance. "Hmmm, some of my most treasured memories are making up with my husband after a disagreement. All the energy we put into arguing with each other would be redirected to more….. "She blushed slightly, "….interesting use."

"How do people normally restore friendship?" Rei was surprised at the eagerness in her own voice. I have never sought something as frivolous as friendship before. Am I correct in pursuing this? Commander Ikari would not approve. Before she could further investigate her own thoughts and feelings, a voice interrupted things.

"Who'd want that Baka's friendship?" Both Rei and Kaede turned to find Asuka casually sorting through the clothes. It appeared she had been there a while as she approvingly added another dress to a large pile beside her.

Kaede watched the young red head admire herself in a full-length mirror with a measure of amusement. Shaking her head, she returned her attention to Rei. "Since it's your first lover's quarrel, you'll need to make up pretty quickly. It's too early to let this go on too long."

"So why is this so important to you?" Asuka began searching through a shoe rack for a suitable pair to match one of the outfits that she liked. "Why are you still here Wonder Girl? No one ordered you to be his friend." Asuka remembered her own experience in attempting to convince the quiet girl into being friends. "It's not like you've ever wanted friends."

"It is difficult to express." Rei collected her thoughts before she answered. "Shinji-kun warms me." The statement was simple and direct. Yet Rei felt it encapsulated her feelings. 

"Warms……..you?" Asuka s jaw dropped slightly, as did the jacket she was inspecting. "Just how does Baka Shinji……..warm you?" She inquired. Just what have those two been getting up to?

Rei placed a hand over her chest as she closed her eyes. "When he looks at me, smiles at me. When he is beside me, I feel a comfortable warmth in here." Her crimson eyes sparkled as she recalled each and every instance. "It spreads throughout my entire body. It is pleasant."

"Your boyfriend looks like he's the sort that won't make the first move." Kaede appraised the boy who was being subjected to further ignominy at the hands of the beauty pageant finalists.

"Got that right. Baka Shinji just doesn't know how to take a hint from a woman. The other week I….."Asuka's face managed a reasonable impression of her plug suit's colour, her words trailing off. "That's not important." Asuka coughed, hoping to cover her indiscretion.

Wondering why the Second Children was all flustered, Rei stole a quick glance at Shinji. "It is already too late." Perhaps the Commander is correct. Friendship is a weakness.

"I don't know about that." Humming to herself, Kaede selected a range of outfits and began handing them to Rei. "Let's see what we can do to change his mind."

Unsure of what the woman meant, she simply followed along, listening intently to the old woman's instructions.

***

"Hmmm. I have to agree." Ryouji Kaji sat naked on the edge of the hotel room's bed, whispering into his cell phone. "Commander Ikari is definitely preparing something." He paused, listening to the person on the other end. "Of course he suspects me." He chuckled. "Ikari suspects everyone."

The woman in the bed shifted slightly in her sleep, exposing her naked torso to the night air. Ryouji lifted the blanket up to cover her again, smiling as she murmured something unintelligible in her sleep.

"Yes, I'll indulge myself a little longer." Drawing on his cigarette, he considered the consequences of his actions. What a certain Major might think, how she would interpret what he was doing. "Let them suspect I've fallen for their diversions. It should make things easier if they see me as some sort of hormonally charged Casanova."

Deactivating the phone, Ryouji threw it on the bed. Lying back, his head resting on the comfortable behind of Mayu Seijiro, he looked at his reflection in the mirrored ceiling. "Will you understand what I'm trying to do Katsuragi?" He whispered to himself.

"Hmmm, ready to go again Ryo-chan?" Mayu giggled huskily, running her fingers threw his unkempt hair.

"I'm always ready." Ryouji laughed. Will you forgive me for being selfish Katsuragi?

***

Dragging himself back to his hotel room, Shinji paused at each corner, ensuring that the corridor ahead was clear of any potential stalkers. He idly rubbed his rear, wincing slightly. He hadn't considered how painful it would be to have several women pinching it during the course of the day. Although a sore behind was the least of his worries as they had steadily became more brazen in their attempts to seduce him. The sad smile on his face only prompting them to try harder.

"Made it!" While not a major accomplishment, making it in one piece to his room was about the only thing that had gone right the whole day.

After entering the room he quietly closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it. "I'm home." All that greeted him was a room shrouded in darkness. "I guess it's not surprising." Making his way across to the bedroom, his attention was caught by the subtle movement within the shadows.

"Who is it?" He managed to stutter. Did Megumi-san manage to sneak in here? He thought as he prepared to make a dash for the door.

"Shinji-kun."

Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could finally confirm his suspicion about the identity of his guest. "Why are you here Ayanami?" His voice held a mixture of hope and resignation as he watched the young girl step forward. Once again he couldn't contain his surprise and admiration at how resplendent she looked. The dark cocktail dress hugged her body, drawing his eyes, almost forcing him to stare.

"I….." Rei struggled to voice her thoughts. All the things she desperately wanted to tell him suddenly abandoning her as she felt his eyes on her. Why is it so difficult to express what I want?

Interpreting her silence as confirmation of her attachment, her loyalty to his father, Shinji clenched his hand into a fist. His knuckles paling as his fingers dug mercilessly into his palms. "Ayanami, I know you were only doing this because the Commander, my father allowed you to. But you-"

"Rei." Her soft voice pleaded.

"What?" Shinji's eyes opened slightly at the obvious desperation in her voice.

"My name. I want you to call me Rei." She moved forward to stand directly in front of him, her eyes unsure yet also defiant. "Like you did before. I want you to look at me like you did before. To smile at me." Her hand grasped the sleeve of his shirt as she voiced her thoughts. "To call me beautiful. To be my friend again." Her voice became a ragged whisper. "To be mine."

"I'm sorry." He could feel her trembling as her hand shook slightly, tugging at his shirt. "I can't be your friend."

Her hand froze and then released it's hold to fall limply at her side. "I……….understand." Staggering past the stationary boy, she felt something warm and damp streaming down her face. I am crying? The desire to run, to be as far away from the boy and the painful reactions he caused was all she wanted.

The sharp intake of breath she heard was her own as she felt his hand gently grab her arm.

"Because I'm your boyfriend Rei-chan." Hearing him admit as much filled her heart and soul beyond imagining. The tears that had initially expressed her pain and loss now poured forth, announcing her joy and elation.

***

**_End Sixth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

I was actually a little uncertain just how to handle the emergence of a minor disagreement between S/R. Seems a bit WAFFy, I know. But this is a specific romantic pairing. And since this is Evangelion and it is Shinji and Rei, let's see how Gendou reacts to these developments.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	7. Seventh Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Just because the end of the contest is here (insert author's flimsy plot device.) doesn't mean the end of A.T.I.A. I've already drafted the outline up to and including the Seventeenth Angel So unless the Fanfic Yakuza (I recall TR saying they were dead.) put a hit out on me, Fanfiction.net ban me (There's always Mediaminer) or I simply get hit by a truck jogging to and from work (Nearly happened the other day – twice), you'll have to put up with me for a while yet. Gomen.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Seventh Refrain – Waiting For You_**

**_Tokyo-3 _****_Municipal_****__****_High School_****__**

"Man, they're holding the finals tonight." Kensuke lifted the lid on his bento and not for the first time, wondered what had possessed him to even attempt preparing his own food. What the hell is that? I don't remember making something like that? Staring at the ghastly creation he could see a correlation between it and some of the scenes from the movie he had watched the night before. "And Shinji's got a front row seat. Lucky bastard." He grumbled, more to himself than the boy beside him.

Not again! Give it a rest Ken. Touji placed his own lunch, resembling an array of items straight out of snack vending machines, on the desk. "Yeah. You wanna come round my place to watch it?" He sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose in distaste. Glancing at the source of the peculiar odour, Touji blanched at the contents of his friend's lunch box. "Here 'suke, that looks toxic." He handed his friend a collection of store bought snacks from his own lunch.

Tearing into the junk food, he offered his gratitude. "Thanks Touji." Sealing the lid, he placed his own offensive lunch out of harms way, vowing never to attempt the preparation of food again. Maybe it's time to get a girlfriend? One who can cook. Definitely with big bo-

"Hey stooges!" The pleasant atmosphere that lunch time usually bestowed on the two boys was ruined. Images of dark, swirling clouds and jagged bolts of blood red lightning filled the sky.

Touji hoped beyond hope that he was mistaken about the origin of the voice. "Crap!" He was sorely mistaken. "What do you want Devil Girl?" He exclaimed loudly.

Looking for all the world as if she would rather be anywhere else, Asuka flicked a slim envelope at two of her least favourite people. "Catch!"

Grasping the paper out of the air, Kensuke stared in disbelief at its contents. "What the……Tickets?! But Why? How?" He asked, confused by this odd turn of events.

Shrugging her shoulders, the young German girl smirked at the two boys as they capered about. "Baka said to pass them on. As sad as it is, he actually thinks you perverts are the only friends he has."

Halting their impromptu little celebration, Touji levelled a finger at his most hated foe. "Wait a minute. This means you're gonna be there?"

Planting her hands on her hips, Asuka rolled her eyes. "Don't burn out your only brain cell, Monkey Boy. Of course I'll be there." She gestured to the quiet girl behind her. "Hikari's coming as well."

Touji looked past Asuka to the young brunette. "Class Rep? You goin' too?" The conversation with Kensuke about the possibility that she might like him causing him to gape unknowingly.

Having Touji stare unabashedly filled the girl with a mixture of jubilation and trepidation. "Yes. Ikari-kun was kind enough to invite us all." She replied, her eyes flitting to Touji's then back at the ground.

Unable to take any more, Asuka grabbed Hikari's wrist and dragged her away. "Come on Hikari, if we hang around these two perverts, people will start spreading rumours."

"Uhmm…. Rep." Touji's hesitant words causing Hikari to turn back towards him.

Asuka relented and allowed her friend a moment to talk to the jock. "Yes Suzuhara-kun?"

Massaging the back of his neck Touji looked off to the side. "I'll uhhh see you there, I guess?"

Smiling at the half promise, Hikari clasped her hands together and bowed slightly. "Yes, I'll see you there."

As the two girls walked away, Asuka took the time to examine the joyous countenance of her friend. "You're hopeless Hikari." Seeing how her words had little effect, Asuka saw it as her responsibility to help Hikari see the truth. "You don't have to scrape the bottom of the gene pool to find a boyfriend you know. You're intelligent and pretty. There're plenty of decent guys out there better than jock-itch." She smirked as she spoke. "Although, at least your taste isn't as bad as Wonder Girl."

Hikari was unable to hide her surprise. "Ayanami has a boyfriend?" She had heard that a few of the more adventurous boys had approached the blue haired girl to ask her out only to be sent away bewildered and confused.

Asuka laughed. "You should have seen how upset she was when Baka Shinji started ignoring her." Watching an offended, sulking Shinji had been something of an eye opener. Having witnessed the boy continually back away from conflict, it surprised her that he would take offence to anything that the First Children would say or do. Watching the placid girl react also seemed remarkably out of place. "It was like she actually had emotions." For all intents and purposes, Asuka had categorised the quiet First Children as nothing more than the Commanders Doll. Only doing as he ordered her to. Unable and unwilling to think for herself.

Hikari frowned. "Ikari-kun is her boyfriend?" She glanced at Asuka. "And you don't mind?" She wondered how Asuka could be so calm. Her woman's intuition kept telling her that Asuka felt more than just hatred towards Shinji Ikari.

Shaking her head at Hikari's mistaken inference, Asuka looked out over the school. "Why should I? I told you before Hikari, I don't have any interest in little boys like Shinji." Her muscles tensed as she said his name. "Kaji-san's the only one for me."

Then why don't you look happy about it? Hikari wondered.

***

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV_**

Sipping his tea, Gendou turned the page of the latest 'Pilot Observation' report. Casually pushing his tinted glasses back into position, he pondered the contents. "Fuyutsuki, Arrange for Rei to be brought to Dogma."

"The Dummy Plug?" Standing behind the commander, Kouzou stepped forward.

Gendou closed the report and handed it to his subordinate. "Yes. It is time to verify whether she has stabilised." He stated.

Taking the report, Kouzou hastily perused the contents, his eyebrow lifting slightly. "And if she hasn't?" He asked, genuinely interested in the possible response.

Activating his computer terminal, Gendou opened a highly classified file. "There is always alternate options available to us."

Kouzou glanced at the display screen, instantly recognising the information. "I still cannot condone that particular course of action, Ikari." He frowned in disgust.

Gendou closed the file. "Even though you yourself determined the possibility and helped developed the primary components?"

"It was pure conjecture." He countered. "It was based on his suffering injuries during battle that rendered the body useless. It was only meant as a backup system."

"Accidents do happen." Gendou's eye's peered out from behind his glasses. The remorseless gaze hinted that any such accidents would be extremely well orchestrated.

***

**_Tokyo-3 International Hotel_**

Hikari brushed her hands nervously over her skirt for the umpteenth time, straightening the material more from habit than any real need to do so. "Asuka, what's wrong? You've been on edge all night?" She felt slightly self-conscious at a party with so many well-to-do and people.

Tapping her foot impatiently, Asuka's eyes once again wandered over to the source of her irritation. "I get all dressed up and Kaji-san hasn't even noticed me." She growled.

"I think he's too busy seeking forgiveness from Katsuragi-san." Hikari looked over to the small group of adults. The man that Asuka frequently referred to as her one and only true love was busy trying to salvage his relationship with a certain lavender haired beauty. Not for the first time Hikari felt completely outclassed. On their best day, not even the winner of Miss Japan 2015 could hold a candle to the woman. I bet she looks stunning just getting up in the morning. Hikari lamented, wondering just how was she supposed to catch the eye of a certain Fourteen year old athlete when someone like Misato Katsuragi was around.

Watching Misato's poor treatment of the man only increased Asuka's unease. "I don't know why Misato's getting all upset about it. It's not Kaji-sans fault. He was tricked by that whore Seijiro." Her voice grated the woman's name. "I'm glad she didn't win." Asuka smiled at how the woman had reacted after the camera's were no longer focused on her.

Nodding absently in agreement with Asuka's tirade, Hikari's own eyes wandered over the room, finally coming to rest on something that caught her interest. "Did you want something to drink Asuka? I was thinking of getting something." That something being one Touji Suzuhara, who happened to be standing by the refreshments table. Chance! He's alone!

"Nah. Go ahead. I'll catch up with you later." Sparing one last glare at Ryouji Kaji, hoping beyond hope he would see the errors of his ways and come running to her with his arms wide open, Asuka began walking away. "I want to see where Baka Shinji and Wonder Girl have gotten to."

Hikari smiled. "Worried?" She teased.

"Hikari, please." Asuka stalked away to locate her prey, leaving Hikari to implement the first stage of her own plan.

Standing behind the Touji Suzuhara, Hikari stifled a giggle listening to him complain to himself about how the collar of his shirt was too tight. "Good evening Suzuhara-kun."

Jumping at the unexpected greeting, Touji turned and offered the girl a nervous smile. "Oh, hey Class Rep."

Hikari frowned. She had hoped he would be slightly less formal. "We're not at school Suzuhara-kun, you don't have to use my title."

"Oh, if you're sure Clas….Horaki." Touji replied, stammering her name.

Hikari sighed. It was better than nothing, but she hoped it wouldn't take too much gentle persuasion to finally be able to refer to each other by their first names. I should just call him Touji. Maybe I could just say it's Asuka's influence. The redhead hardly ever used anyone's family name when she spoke to them. If she didn't use your given name, she usually used a derogatory nickname. She made a show of looking around him. "Where's your partner in crime?" Referring to the other half of the inseparable 'Idiot Duo'.

As nervous as he felt, talking casually to a girl he sort of kind of liked, Touji suddenly felt the cold hand of fear grab his entrails. Coughing uncomfortably, he looked off to the side. "Uhh, Ken said he had some stuff to do. He'll be back soon." He hoped Hikari would believe the outright lie. "What about the Demon? Where'd she get to?"

***

As they spoke, the young boy in question was sitting in a chair. The two gentlemen opposite him were clearly unhappy. Then again, Kensuke was far from pleased to be here as well.

The larger man loosened his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. "So can you tell us just why you happened to be crawling through the ventilation shaft over the female toilets?" He picked up a damaged digital video camera from the desk. "With a video camera no less?"

Kensuke felt a cold sweat trickle down his back as the smaller man smiled. It was the sort of smile that said, we've got you, you know it and we know you know. "Well you see, it's a long story and I'd hate to bore you with the insignificant details……"

The smaller man finally spoke. "Oh, I like long and uninteresting stories." He leaned forward, his grin falling away to reveal a menacing scowl. "They're my favourites. And the outraged women we have waiting outside would also like to hear it. But somehow I don't think they'll give you the same opportunity to explain yourself before they tore you apart. That one woman was terribly upset when you fell through the ceiling into the cubicle she was occupying at the time."

"I'm not sure where to begin." Kensuke shrugged.

"How about we watch some of your movie, maybe that'll jog your memory."

***

Ritsuko wrinkled her nose slightly at the overly cloying smell of her drink.. "Just hurry up and forgive him Misato. I didn't come here to listen to him whine all night." For the last half hour her nerves had slowly been ground down by the constant lame excuses that Ryouji offered.

"It's not like we're going out any more Ritsu-chan." Closing her eyes, Misato took a deep breath before continuing. "It's not anything to me if Kaji decides to run around with other women." While she managed to maintain an outward appearance of calm indifference, her mind was shrieking bloody, murderous revenge at the man's betrayal.

Ryouji cringed slightly. He knew Misato well enough to spot the subtle signs. If his hunch was right, she was extremely upset. "Katsuragi. I tried to explain. She was only using me to get closer to Shinji-kun." His eyes widened in surprise as her composure broke and she glared furiously at him. Oh shit, she's going to shoot me.

Misato poked the unshaven rogue in the chest hard enough to elicit a small wince from the recipient. "Don't you dare try and drag my Shinji-kun into this." Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she whispered. "I told you to keep away from him."

Rapidly losing ground, he opted to enlist the aid of their mutual friend. "Akagi, can you try and tal-"

Ritsuko cut him off. "Don't even think about it Kaji-kun." The last thing she wanted was an over-protective Misato lashing out at her as well. Besides, she enjoyed watching the fireworks between the couple.

***

"You are pensive Shinji-kun." Rei sipped her sweet tasting beverage, unsure if she enjoyed it or not. She had spent most of the evening at his side, watching his mood slowly deteriorate. Not knowing how to lighten his mood, she simply stated her concerns directly. "Is there something wrong?"

"It's just that it's all over." He replied morosely. Back to school. Back to NERV.

"This upsets you?" She asked.

"Not really. But….." his thoughts drifted back to the previous night. Finding Rei waiting in his room. Her tears at his presumed rejection. Her tears of joy at his acceptance. Words were largely unnecessary. They had spent most of the night just happy to be with one another. 

"Pilot Ayanami." A low voice cut in.

"Yes?" Rei turned to find a dark suited man standing behind her. His dark glasses and general bearing indicating his occupation as an agent for NERV Intelligence.

"Commander Ikari has ordered you to report to NERV Headquarters immediately. Transportation is waiting outside." The tall man began walking away.

Shinji grabbed Rei's hand. "But the dance?" While he had admitted to not being the most graceful of dancers, he had promised to teach her what little he did know. It was something he was looking forward to.

Understanding the reason for his crestfallen look, Rei gently squeezed his hand. "Shinji-kun. It is part of our duties." Her sense of responsibility and obligation compelled her to obey.

"I guess." Unable to disguise his disappointment, Shinji returned the soft touch and offered a small smile. "Bye."

His eyes followed her until she disappeared from sight. Staring at the floor, he wondered what was worth staying for. As a result of the contest, eight of the nine young women now despised him. People hating him was something he had grown accustomed to. After all, he didn't particularly like himself. A voice at his side, rescued him from the darkness of his thoughts.

"Hey Shinji, where's Wonder Girl going?" Asuka said as she joined him.

Surprised to find Asuka standing next to him, he quickly averted his eyes. The last thing he needed was Asuka accusing him of leering at her. "She got called in by the Commander."

"Why would he want to see her this late at night? You don't suppose…." Her voice trailed off, leaving the words unsaid.

"That's sick Asuka." Disgusted with her vile innuendo, he excused himself, having to put as much distance between himself and her as possible.

"What's his problem? I was only joking?" Asuka watched the young boy depart, wondering why it felt so hollow allowing him to just walk away.

***

**_Terminal Dogma_**

After dismissing the Section 2 agent, Gendou ushered his young charge into the room where Doctor Akagi waited somewhat impatiently. "Rei. We have managed to isolate the anomalies in the Dummy Plug." Gesturing towards the tube, he informed her of what was required. "You will verify this. Prepare to synchronise with the System."

"How long will be required sir?" Rei's simple question left the Commander momentarily stunned. It was the first time she had ever questioned his orders.

He expected her to obey without question. Blindly obey his orders. Willingly defer to his decisions. Just as she always had. "That is irrelevant." His hand balled into a fist. "It will take as long as is necessary."

Sensing that she was treading on dangerous ground, Rei began disrobing. "Understood Commander."

"Those clothes?" Gendou watched the girl carefully fold the clothes and place them on a table.

She gazed at the extravagant material, fondly recalling the look on Shinji's face when she had first worn them. "Yes Sir?"

"Discard them. Your regular school uniform is more than adequate." It disturbed him that she appeared to care for something as commonplace as clothing. Ordinarily she would leave them where they fell, retrieving them when she was finished. Perhaps Fuyutsuki was correct. Rei is acting outside her defined parameters. Is she no longer useful?

"I……." Realising her error, Rei was unable to hide her shame. The Commander is disappointed with my performance. Have I failed him?

"We are waiting." Gendou turned his back on the naked young girl, ignoring her confusion and embarrassment.

"Understood Commander." Upset with her perceived failure, she hastily climbed into the system, waiting patiently for Doctor Akagi to commence the uplink.

Floating in the warm liquid, Rei closed her eyes and concentrated on synchronising with the Dummy System. Her sense of self was slowly eroded as the computer began the painstaking process of translating her thoughts and memories into digital information. At a subconscious level, she could feel her duplicates on the fringes of her awareness. They readily assimilated the information passed to them.

I Am Myself………….I Am Myself………..I Am Myself………. Throughout the transfer, she constantly reminded herself, ensuring she did not lose herself within the sea of multiple selves.

"Well Doctor?" Without taking his eyes from Rei's floating form, Gendou waited for Ritsuko's progress update.

Watching the collected data, the blonde scientist quickly ran a series of cross comparisons with older data. "The fluctuations have subsided significantly. With a little more work the system will be-" She stopped as Gendou strode past her.

"Very well Doctor. I leave it in your hands. Do not disappoint me." The small sense of relief Gendou felt quickly fell back into the dark chasm of his mind.

"Of course Commander." Ritsuko watched the man she loved pick up the extravagant dress from the bench.

He sneered before tossing the garments onto the floor. "And dispose of these."

After Ritsuko finally released her from the tube, Rei paused to look at her new clothes, lying crumpled on the floor.

"There's a spare school uniform in the change room Rei." Ritsuko watched the young girl's reactions carefully. "Commander Ikari has asked me to take care of those."

Staring at the clothing for a few seconds more, Rei simply nodded her head and left to take her shower.

Ritsuko watched her leave. For the first time ever she felt a grudging sympathy for the quiet blue haired Pilot. Misato mentioned Shinji and Rei have become close recently. Picking up the outfit, she marvelled at the texture of the soft, silky material. I wonder what prompted her to where something like this? Maybe she is changing, like Misato said. Gathering the remaining garments, Ritsuko walked out the door wondering what to do with them.

Exiting the shower, Rei stared down at the clothes that Commander Ikari had told her to discard.. Why are they here? The only other person was Doctor Akagi. And she was ordered to dispose of them. Unsure of what to do, Rei stroked the fabric of the evening gown. Commander Ikari has stated it is unnecessary. But……. Shinji-kun…. said I was … A single tear slid down her cheek. He said I was beautiful.

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

"Shinji-kun? Why are you here this late?" Rei had left NERV and decided to return to her apartment to sleep. Most sessions with the Dummy System left her exhausted, but finding the young Pilot of Unit 01 sitting on a railing under a streetlight refreshed her slightly.

Shinji watched the night sky a few moments longer before turning to smile at her. "I was admiring the stars on my way home."

"Major Katsuragi's apartment is located approximately ten kilometres from our current position." Rei moved to stand beside him. Her eyes felt lost as she gazed up into his.

His smile broadened. "I was taking a shortcut."

She felt her blood warm her cheeks, something that was happening more and more often in his presence. "You are lying Shinji-kun. Why are you here?"

"I was waiting for you." He jumped off the fence to stand in front of her. "Misato-san said a gentleman always escorts his date home after a night out." His face grew hot as he mentioned the word date.

Her heart skipped a beat. "It is unexpected." His carefree smile, something of a rarity, caused her blush to deepen with excitement and embarrassment. "But it is agreeable."

Pushing his hands into his pockets, he slowly began walking beside the girl. "I didn't feel like sticking around at the party. It's not something I really enjoy. Crowds tend to make me nervous."

Rei agreed. Large gatherings always made her feel uncomfortable. Even amongst those she knew and occasionally associated with, she had always felt alone and isolated. "The festivities would most likely be finished. We can return to our normal duties." I am alone no longer.

"Yeah. Now that it's all over, Misato-san said I could come back home." He chuckled. "She said that Pen-Pen threatened her with a knife because she offered to make his dinner." He could easily imagine the flightless bird resorting to drastic measures. While he was always polite and ate everything Misato cooked, on the rare occasions she did, he would much rather eat food that wouldn't try and claw it's way through the walls of his stomach.

"So we will no longer be staying together." Rei stopped walking and watched her shadow shift as the streetlight above her flickered. The thought of parting upset her. Angered her.

Noticing that Rei was no longer beside him, Shinji turned around to find her standing looking at the ground. "Rei-chan?"

Stirred from her introspective thoughts, Rei looked up to find a concerned Shinji looking at her. The worry in his eyes pierced her soul. "What is the matter Shinji-kun?" He worries? About me?

Wanting to voice the same question, he knew she would be less than forthcoming. Just like me. Instead he opted to change the direction of the conversation. "We never did get to dance."

"I have never danced before." She replied.

"Would you like to?" Shinji bowed formally and held his hand out for Rei.

Taking his hand, Rei shivered slightly at the now familiar contact. "There is no music Shinji-kun." The entirety of her focus and attention was riveted to her hand in his. The connection was beyond mere physical sensation. Every fibre of her being soared at the subtle texture of his fingers as they shifted across and around her hand.

"Yes there is Rei-chan. Listen." Slowly at first, Shinji hesitantly began humming a soft melody his mother had sung to him when he was an infant. He couldn't remember the words, just the tune.

Stepping forward, Shinji gingerly placed his other arm around her slender waist and pulled her in even closer, hoping the soft glow of the street lights masked some of his embarrassment.

Draping her remaining arm onto his shoulder, Rei looked up. Her crimson eyes found his midnight blue eyes gazing at her. Had she been capable of conscious thought, she might have noticed her own reflection there, how his vision was entirely consumed by her presence.

The world faded away, leaving just the two of them embracing one another.

Taking the lead, something he was unaccustomed to, Shinji slowly lead his partner through a simple series of steps. All the while not taking his eyes from her face, her eyes never leaving his.

Rei allowed herself to glide along, her natural grace easily following the simple rhythm. Closing her eyes her other senses bloomed to life, overloading from his intoxicating aroma and his delicate touch.

Leaning her head against his chest, she listened to his heart beating rapidly. "Thank you Shinji-kun." She was quite certain her own heart was pumping at a similar furious rate. While the dance was far from rigorous or intensive, she found herself breathing hard, her chest burning  hot and constricting.

He stopped humming the tune, to look down at her. "What for?"

Content to stay where she was, Rei kept her eyes closed, enjoying the moment for all that it was. "For waiting for me." The warmth spread throughout her body. "For dancing with me." The sense of belonging intensified. "For being with me." For the first time in her life, Rei wanted nothing more than to remain where she was. For being mine.

"I like spending time with you Rei-chan." He wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. "I only wish we could be together more often, not just at school or NERV." He whispered, knowing that like most of the good things in his life, this brief moment of happiness had come to an end.

Rei returned the embrace. "Then we will be." Contentment. Fulfilment. These are just two of the many things he gives me unknowingly.

Shinji pulled back slightly to stare in astonishment at her declaration. "But -"

Frowning at his withdrawal, Rei once again pressed herself against him, unwillingly to relinquish him just yet. "You are surprised?"

"Well, to be honest." He wondered why she wanted to stay near him. "Yeah, kind of."

"Why would you be apprehensive? I enjoy your company as well." For Rei this was simply a statement of fact. 

"I just accepted the fact that I was worthless." He whispered. "Simply living. No expectations. No hopes. Nothing. It made life easier." Years spent alone had allowed him ample opportunity to hone this one particular skill.

"Shinji-kun. You are not worthless." Her hands cupped his face as she leaned up, brushing her lips against his.

***

**_End Seventh Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Yes I did consider fleshing out the final of the beauty pageant but it really served no purpose to the story overall (I think I'll do it as a side story. Maybe a little more adult in theme. Lime not Lemon. Comments?). Let's face it, if you're still reading the story (you really need help, but that's okay, that's a given.), it's for the whole Shinji/Rei thing.

Why else would you be here? (Considering the number of people that decry FFN in various forums, it's amazing anyone turns up at all.)

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	8. Eighth Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Just something I should do more often. Thank you to those that find my work worthwhile enough to read and perhaps comment on. Sadly (Madly, Gladly?), I'm not a fan of my own work, but it appears my second effort is being even better received than my first.

Inconceivable! (The Princess Bride still rates as one of my all time fave's! You'd almost suspect I'm a hopeless romantic.)

**_All That I Am_**

**_Eighth Refrain – Unscheduled Works_**

**__**

**_Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence_**

Miss Japan 2015 is over and the collateral damage control teams have repaired most of the chaos that was the result. Life now returns to some level of normalcy for the residents of Tokyo-3. 

Scary, unfortunate normalcy.

Or so you'd think.

"Baka! Time to get up. I'm hungry." Most mornings in the apartment, Asuka found herself greeted by the smell of food cooking. Real food. Not the noxious death sentence Misato could effortlessly create. How that woman manages to take perfectly decent food and create a level 5 bio-hazardous organism is beyond me. The presence of these aromas was a sure sign that the only human male resident was alive and well, or at the very least, alive.

This particular morning though was devoid of pleasant aromas. Yes it was Sunday. A rare day without school or NERV to interfere in the glorious spectacle that was the life of Asuka Langley Sohryu.

But as everyone knows, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. How was NERV's resident Number One Pilot meant to survive if those around her didn't play their role properly?

And so she found herself standing outside the room of one Shinji Ikari. Resident cook and maid and general, all-purpose slave to the other residents of the apartment for the present and foreseeable future.

Tapping her finger on her bicep with increasing impatience, Asuka threw the door open to berate the boy for not motivating himself enough to have her food ready on time. "Baka Shin…..ji." What started as a verbal explosion died rapidly, resembling something more akin to a damp firecracker fizzing out.

"Good Morning Pilot Sohryu." The sight was kind of similar Asuka's slightly frazzled brain tried to inform her. She had often opened this self same door to capture its regular occupant in the process of getting dressed. However, if her memory served her correctly, Shinji did not have blue hair or red eyes and he was definitely not female.

Originally she had had some doubts about the boy and his apparent lack of testicular fortitude. But she had caught a peek during the naked activation test and occasional glimpses of him around the apartment, in the bathroom and in his bedroom. These episodes had confirmed he was very male indeed. Not that she tried to notice too much. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

"Wonder Girl?" Asuka closed the door and checked that the plaque was still there. Shinji's Lovely Suite. That's his room. Something didn't quite add up. "Hang on….."

Before she could tear the door from its guide rail, a voice called from the kitchen. "I'm getting breakfast ready now Asuka. There wasn't much left besides some cup ramen, so I had to go to the store first. Sorry about that." He added, almost as an afterthought.

Dismissing the pale apparition inside the room, Asuka turned towards the kitchen. Wait a minute! Swiftly spinning around she opened the door to Shinji's room once more. The image of a near naked First Children getting dressed was not a hallucination as she had tried to convince herself of.

"I cannot leave until you move Pilot Sohryu." Rei said waiting patiently for the Second Children to allow her clear passage.

Asuka stepped back allowing the blue haired girl to walk by. The first thing that her slowly recovering mind noticed was the clothes Rei was wearing. She's wearing Shinji's clothes.

***

Misato knew she was sometimes not as observant around the apartment as she should be. But occasionally things were just too obvious to miss. Like the dark, ominous atmosphere lingering over the kitchen table as they all sat down to eat.

Asuka being in an unpleasant mood wasn't too much of a deviation from the norm. Misato suspected the girl was simply obnoxious on purpose.

The look Pen-Pen directed at her told her that she was **_still_**_ forbidden to prepare his food, if at all ever again. She considered this something of a betrayal. She had rescued him from certain death back in college. But then again, dry retching for half a day would do that to anyone._

Shinji being quiet was just a symbiotic reaction to Asuka's mood, so nothing too out of place there either.

The presence of Rei Ayanami at the breakfast table was slightly different. It also answered why Asuka was slightly more annoyed than usual and trying to incinerate Shinji with her eyes.

"Rei?" Misato looked at the placid young girl over her beer can. There's definitely something different about her. She concluded. It was a subtle change. The sort of thing you'd miss if you didn't know the person all that well.

Rei finished her miso soup and turned to regard the residing adult at the table. "Yes Major Katsuragi?"

Is she…….smiling? Misato recovered from the initial shock quickly. "Did Shinji invite you over for breakfast?" Misato asked, wondering why Rei was here this early. Why is Rei here at all?

Rei shook her head. "No."

"He didn't?" Misato's eyebrow arched. "Are you just visiting or something?"

"No. I am staying with Shinji-kun." Rei's not-so-subtle glance at the heavily sweating youth was not missed by anyone. Least of all Asuka.

Misato was certain that Asuka's teeth would shatter from the pressure if she clenched her jaw any harder. "Staying ……….with……Shinji-kun?" Her eyes moved over to encompass the predominately crimson youth, who, to his credit, managed to look her in the eye once before returning to contemplate the mysteries of his fork. Seeing no forthcoming answer from him, Misato once again looked back to Rei. "You slept over?"

"Yes Major." Rei was not the sort of person who became impatient or intolerant when questioned. She expected Major Katsuragi to require answers to her unexpected presence. She did not expect her commanding officer to react as she was. Major Katsuragi endorsed my request to stay at Shinji-kun's side during the contest. Why is she having difficulty comprehending the situation? All that has changed is the location.

Misato began slowly massaging her temples, hoping to ease the tension. "I guess that explains why you're wearing Shinji's clothes." Still not completely sure of things, she began dissecting things in her mind, not liking where her thoughts were leading her. 

1 - Rei slept over last night.   
2 - In Shinji's room.   
3 - With Shinji-kun.   
4 - Alone.   
5 – Rei is wearing his clothes.   
6 – Ritsuko is going to be pissed.   
7 – Commander Ikari is going to be extremely pissed.   
8 – ShitShitShitShit!   
9 – We are all so very, very dead!   
10 – I need another beer.

To her credit, Misato did not break down and begin bawling incoherently, although it was looking more and more appealing as the seconds ticked by.

"My dress was not suitable sleeping attire." Noticing Misato's furrowed brow and look of panic, Rei felt obligated to explain things. "Shinji-kun insisted I wear something of his as he felt it unwise to disturb either yourself or Pilot Sohryu. He provided me with these clothes after I bathed this morning." She added, plucking the sleeve of the T-Shirt for emphasis.

"I see." During the conversation, Misato's eyes had again drifted over to gaze at a visibly uncomfortable Shinji Ikari. "Shinji-kun?"

Catching Misato's look, he panicked. "I slept on the floor Misato-san. Rei-chan had the bed. Nothing happened, I swear." Even though he knew nothing untoward had happened, Shinji found himself unable to maintain even minimal eye contact with his guardian as he babbled.

"It's okay Shinji-kun. I believe you." Misato was still coming to terms with everything. But she still couldn't pass up on the opportunity to tease her Shinji a little. "It was very nice of you to offer Rei the bed." She directed her sweetest smile at the boy. "Shinji-kun is such a nice boy, isn't he Rei?"

Where most members of the human male species would melt under the intensity of Misato's smile, Shinji began planning his relocation to a small isolated outpost somewhere in the fringes of Outback Australia.

"I still do not understand why he refused to sleep in the bed." Rei paused to consider how she felt about the whole affair, wanting to express herself properly. "It was a pleasant experience sleeping with Shinji-kun. One I wish to attempt again." Rei carefully decided to omit .._and again and again… _It was possible that it would be mistaken as slightly over-eager.__

Unable to remain silent any longer, Asuka slammed the palm of her hand down hard on the kitchen table. "That's disgusting!" Misato's eyes flickered across to watch just what Asuka would do. Rei sat impassively, virtually ignoring the German girl's outburst while Shinji pondered what painful fate he was about to suffer. "You want to sleep with him?" During the course of the conversation, she had kept quiet, listening to the feeble excuses being presented. The rosy hue highlighting Rei's pale features was all the proof she required. 

Someone had to pay. Asuka's only confusion was who to start with.

Keeping her cool, Misato decided to intervene before blood was spilt. "Asuka, settle down. It's far too early to begin yelling." And murdering Shinji. At least wait until he does the laundry.

Not believing what she was hearing, Asuka turned on the older woman. "You're telling me that you see nothing wrong with this?" Her eyes blazed furiously.

"I'm not saying that at all." Misato replied. "It's just a little much to deal with all at once." Knowing that this particular conversation was far from over, Misato decided to change the topic to something more mundane. "So what do you intend to do today Shinji-kun?"

Breathing a sigh of relief that Misato had decided to play the mediator instead of inquisitor, Shinji considered his options before answering. "I think I'm going to have to spend most of it cleaning the apartment. It looks like it did when I first moved in." When he and Rei had arrived home, it had been late and he had been high on the euphoria of the night's events. But looking around this morning, he knew it would take practically all day to restore the apartment to a more habitable condition.

Rei also looked around the apartment. "It is functional enough Shinji-kun. It is tidier than my own apartment."

Misato laughed at what she considered to be a joke. "What about you Rei, what are your plans today?"

"I will assist Shinji-kun." Rei confirmed resolutely.

"You're going to waste your one day off to clean the apartment with Baka Shinji?" Asuka couldn't believe what she was hearing. While she didn't particularly like the Pilot of Unit 00, she felt obligated to point a few things out. "There's more to life than staring at ceilings or out windows, you know." She also didn't like the idea of Shinji and Rei spending any more time together than absolutely necessary. And absolutely necessary was perhaps 2.73 seconds per day. Less was even better.

"I intend to remain by his side." Rei re-affirmed, unphased by the seething Second Children. Why does she persist with her refusal to acknowledge our relationship?

Seeing another potential argument brewing, Misato stepped in again, hoping to defuse it before she had to start replacing furniture. "Rei, I don't really have a problem with you staying over every now and then," Although we'll have to do something about this sleeping together business. She thought. "but I'm not your guardian. What will Commander Ikari have to say about this?" Her own thoughts tended to have the Commander smiling briefly before shooting each and every one of them.

Rei faltered slightly. "I……do not know. I only know …..I wish to be with Shinji-kun."

"Misato-san?" Shinji tentatively placed his hand over Rei's, hoping to soothe and calm the young girl. He felt her grip his hand as if she would never let go ever again. Knowing that someone actually wanted to be with him, regardless of all his faults, was a comforting feeling..

Misato grabbed another beer from her near endless supply. "I tell you what, Rei. How about I drive you back to your place so you can grab a few things for your stay here." She sculled the contents in one hit. "When I go to work tomorrow I'll talk with Ritsu-chan and see if she can help me come up with something." Shinji-kun, you are going to owe me big time for this. Misato smiled, wondering just what she should ask from the boy.

Rei nodded her head and moved to assist Shinji in clearing the table. "That is acceptable Major Katsuragi."

Deciding it was time for a long, hot bath, Misato grabbed another can of Yebisu. "And one more thing. If you're going to be staying here you have to stop calling me that. When we're not at NERV, just Misato is fine." Misato had long ago established her policy of separating her work and personal life.

"Understood Misato-san." She agreed.

***

**_Ayanami Residence – Apartment 402_**

"Rei, I never realised you're apartment was this……" Gazing around the small, squalid apartment, Misato wondered how anyone, let alone a young girl, could subject themselves to living in such poor accommodation. "…..awful. Who arranged for you to live here?" She cringed at the size of a large, extremely nasty looking spider crouched imperiously over the entry.

"Commander Ikari." Rei replied as she continued gathering her few personal items. The duffel bag Shinji had loaned her was large enough to easily accommodate her school uniforms, underwear, swimsuits and toiletries.

Misato stared in disgust at the accumulation of mildew and grime in the bathroom. "I thought maybe you were joking about my place being clean compared to yours." She walked gingerly across the floor, hoping that it was only water seeping in through her shoes. "What's he thinking placing a young girl in a hole like this?" She frowned at the sight of damp, mouldy towels littering the stained floor. "Do you have any neighbours?"

Rei quickly examined her dresser drawers and closet, ensuring she had left nothing behind. Satisfied that nothing remained she turned to pack the last two items of importance. "No. I am the only tenant in the complex." She carefully placed the case containing Commander Ikari's old glasses and the now empty glass beaker on top of her panties, wrapped in paper for added protection.

"Kami-sama, who knows where Shinji-kun would have ended up if I had let him live on his own?" Sliding the large curtain across, she looked out the window. "Makes me glad I decided to take him with me." She has a washing machine?

Zipping the duffel bag up, Rei joined Misato as she searched through the kitchen area. "You decided to take guardianship over Shinji-kun?"

"Amazing isn't it? I just signed the piece of paper and they gave him to me." She waved her hands with a flourish. "I had more trouble opening a bank account." Misato mumbled something about bureaucrats, overdrafts and murderous revenge.

The concept of simply signing a piece of paper to own Shinji caught her interest. "Did you request Pilot Sohryu to live with you as well?" Perhaps Misato-san will relinquish her ownership of Shinji-kun to me. I a responsible enough to live unsupervised, as she is. Logic dictates I am a suitable candidate to be Shinji-kun's guardian. The thought of having guardianship over Shinji pleased her immensely, although she was still relatively uncertain what she would do with him.

While her upbringing had been far from normal, the education she had been provided with was first rate. She was well aware of the physical interactions between men and women. Initially she had discarded the notion of indulging in such trivial pastimes, the Commander had encouraged her to avoid such intimate contact. However now that she had Shinji, certain elements of those interpersonal relationships were beginning to appear extremely tempting.

"No, after the Seventh - What the hell is that sound?" Misato was startled by a loud booming noise originating outside. Her first instinct to have her firearm drawn and ready, preparing for an assault by unknown forces.

Still contemplating various potentially agreeable encounters with Shinji, Rei blithely ignored Misato's reactions. "It is the demolition and reconstruction of the adjacent areas."

Reholstering her weapon, Misato sighed with relief, her thoughts once again returning to the issue at hand. "This can't be safe." Watching the dust fall from the ceiling, Misato envisaged the building collapsing down on her. Dying in a hovel was not in the top four thousand things she wanted to accomplish with her life.

Having decided on a course of action and the desired outcomes, Rei inspected her home for perhaps the final time. "The structural integrity is sound." While not overly comfortable, it was functional and served it's purpose well. Memories of a room, similar in appearance flashed in her mind. Unpleasant memories, but they were hers and hers alone.

Misato shook her head. "No. I mean you living here on your own." Misato looked carefully at the young girl, seeing past the features that set her apart from others, to see her for what she was. An attractive young girl, blossoming into a beautiful young woman. "There're a lot of unsavoury predators out there Rei. Pretty young girls are just the sort of thing they go for."

"I am under the supervision of NERV Intelligence. I am in no danger." Rei was confident in the security forces employed by NERV. Commander Ikari had stressed that all important personnel were under almost constant surveillance.

"Section 2? They monitor Shinji and Asuka as well." Misato smiled as she was struck by a bolt of inspiration. "Hang on. I've got it."

"Have what Misato-san?" The excited countenance of the older woman was somewhat unsettling. Perhaps Shinji-kun is correct in his assumptions.

"Just the thing that may swing the deal." Misato declared confidently.

"Deal?" The slight concern she felt began growing.

"Trust me Rei." Misato said, dragging the confused young girl with her. "If everything goes to plan, you'll be living with us in no time."

***

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV_**

Sometimes the best-laid plans invariably go wrong. Standing before Commander Ikari, Misato felt her confidence waver.

"Major, I fail to see the relevance." Gendou stared implacably at the woman. The hastily cobbled together submission she had placed on his desk lay unopened. Instead he had insisted she explain her request in person.

"NERV is expending valuable resources in monitoring the Children, Sir." Misato had briefly discussed how to best present her case with Ritsuko. The blonde scientist had suggested using the bottom line. Money. "At present we have two teams at any one time simply because our forces are split."

"So you intend to consolidate the Children under one roof and thereby reduce the security requirement necessary to ensure their safety?" Gendou barely moved as his monotone voice cut straight to the heart of the issue.

"Yes Sir." Misato confirmed. "It should also educate them in developing their teamwork. As you may have heard, the First and Second Children do not associate well with each other." This was a well-known fact. "Perhaps living together will allow them to develop, at the very least, an amicable working relationship." She offered hopefully.

Gendou's eyes appeared briefly from behind his tinted glasses. "You've given this some thought Major."

A cheering squad suddenly erupted into full chorus in Misato's mind. "As Director of Tactical Operations, it's my duty to ensure the Children are able to perform their duties to the best of their abilities. Our main priority is defeating the threat of the Angels Sir" Unable to control her delight, Misato smiled, believing she had pulled off a miracle.

"While I encourage bonding and teamwork amongst the Pilots, I will not tolerate anything more……. distracting. "Gendou replied. "Trust and camaraderie will be necessary if they are to overcome what is yet to come. See to it that they understand that anything more…….. intimate will be discouraged………With prejudice if necessary." Not one to threaten needlessly, Gendou knew the Major understood just how swift and deadly his retribution would be.

Shrugging off the cold sweat that chilled her, Misato attempted to convince him. "I'm sure the Children understand implicitly, Rei has-"

Gendou's voice developed an ominous resonance. "Have you discussed this with the First Children, Major?"

Misato swallowed before responding. "Rei has mentioned her preference to relocate, Sir."

"Has she?" Gendou activated the desk's communicator. "Escort the First Children to my office immediately." Returning to his previous position, he continued to stare at Misato.

***

"Pilot Ayanami. Major Katsuragi has informed me you have requested relocation to her apartment." Gendou observed Rei's reactions to his statement. He had to give her credit for recovering as fast as she did. Anyone other than himself, Kouzou or Ritsuko would have missed the initial reaction of uncertainty.

"Yes Sir." Smothering her emotions beneath an impenetrable façade, Rei forced herself to return the Commanders grim look with her own normal dispassionate one.

Gendou stayed silent for a number of seconds before asking his question. "Why?" 

She knew he would expect nothing but a simple, direct response. Something that she was unable to provide at this time. "I ………to ………with-"

With his patience long since vanished, Gendou prompted her, his voice probably harsher than he intended. "I am waiting Pilot Ayanami."

Unable to comply satisfactorily, Rei resigned herself to once again returning to the only life he would allow her to have. "……It is not important Sir. My present accommodation is acceptable."

"Rei but-" Misato tried to help the girl but was cut off by the Commander.

"I am glad we understand one another. That is all Major. Dismissed." He watched both the Major and the subdued First Children leave, satisfied that everything was still proceeding as he required.

***

Kouzou moved up to stand beside Gendou before voicing his thoughts of the discussion that had just taken place. "You're a hard man Ikari."

Gendou snorted. "You would allow her to move?"

"I see nothing detrimental in moving Rei in with Major Katsuragi." Kouzou reflected. "Perhaps it will keep the Major and the other two Pilots occupied." He had given the matter some serious thought. There were far too many unpredictable elements for his liking.

"You now endorse a relationship between Rei and the Third Children?" Gendou inquired, interested by his one-time mentor's change of heart.

Kouzou considered the pros and cons of the proposal. "You're allowing your personal feelings to narrow your vision my friend. Their growing attachment to each other will provide a convenient tool to use against them. To leverage complete control over their actions. Especially those of the boy. We can ill afford either of them to rebel at this juncture."

"Blind and compliant is it?" Gendou laughed softly. "Sensei, You misjudge me harshly." Activating his data terminal, he opened a recent security report. "The agents assigned to monitor Rei have reported that for all intents and purposes, she has already moved in with the Major."

"You play a dangerous game Ikari." Kouzou observed.

"The risks are great, I agree. But to win the game, the consummate player must know when to sacrifice his lesser pieces to ensure his Emperor is victorious."

***

"Rei? Are you okay?" The young girl was even more withdrawn than usual. Having watched her become slightly more open around Shinji, Misato found the change disturbing.

"I appreciate your efforts to assist me Major." She replied quietly. "I will have my clothing and personal items moved bac-"

Misato interrupted before she could finish her statement. "Wait a minute Rei. Who said anything about that?"

"Commander Ikari has stated-"

Misato finished for her. "That you won't be officially living with us, yes I was there. But I do have one more idea. Actually it was something Asuka mentioned a while back." She muttered.

Rei's eyes widened slightly at the inference. "Commander Ikari's orders are absolute Major Katsuragi. I cannot disobey him." While it distressed her to relinquish her chance to remain with Shinji, years of conditioning were forcing her hand.

Misato tapped a finger against her jaw thoughtfully. "But where will you stay while that hovel you call home is being renovated and redecorated."

"There are no works scheduled for my apartment?" Rei replied.

"There is now." Misato began ticking items off on her fingers. "My guess is it could take at least six to eight weeks to organise the contractors. Another few weeks for them to purchase materials. Months to actually improve it to an acceptable standard."

"Are you certain Major?" Rei saw what Misato was intending.

"Well with one contractor working at a time and with yours truly making sure they do everything just right it could take even longer." Misato smiled evilly. "What do you say Rei?"

"I will leave everything in your capable hands Major Katsuragi." Rei offered a small smile of gratitude for what this woman, essentially a stranger was doing to assist her. Major Katsuragi is more devious than I originally anticipated.

Misato clapped the girl on the shoulder. "We're going to get along just fine Rei."

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

Rei sat quietly in the passenger seat of Misato's vehicle attempting to justify the logic behind the sequence of events that had just transpired. "How did you accomplish that Majo-"

Flooring the accelerator, Misato gunned the car through an intersection as the traffic signals began changing. "Rei, we're not at NERV." She chided.

Bracing herself as the car took a corner at high speed, Rei corrected her question. "How did you accomplish that Misato-san?"

Misato closed her eyes and laughed, blissfully oblivious to the cries of panic from the foolhardy pedestrians daring to walk on the footpath. "You'd be surprised at how easy it is to get requisition forms signed by the Accounts Department."

"Doctor Akagi has mentioned that they are notorious for complicating simple expenditure procedures with 'Bureaucratic Red Tape'." Rei replied, recalling many instances where NERV's Chief Scientist had complained about funding restrictions.

Misato shrugged nonchalantly. "Ritsu-chan just doesn't ask properly, that's all."

"Is that why you acted in such a peculiar fashion?" Rei had committed Misato's actions to memory, realising that the predominantly male Accounting Staff had all but climbed over each other to assist the lavender haired woman.

"Just using the feminine arsenal Kami-sama blessed me with Rei. And if offering a little incentive gets me what I want, then where's the harm?" Misato smiled. She had recognised that her appearance was well above normal. Besides, she enjoyed flirting. It was always good practice for when she teased Shinji.

Weighing the facts now available to her, Rei reached a satisfactory, logical conclusion. "So if I am provocative, will Shinji-kun react in a similar fashion?" Her cheeks warmed at the thought of draping herself over the shy, young boy. The blush steadily deepened as her thoughts slowly evolved beyond mere flirting.

"I don't think you need to worry about that just yet Rei." Misato eyed the embarrassed young girl speculatively. So if Rei's going to be staying with us, just where will she stay. Misato knew without a doubt that trying to convince Asuka to share her sanctum was tantamount to suicide. Can I really just let her and Shinji-kun share a room? She knew that so much could go wrong. It's not like they'll start having wild, passionate sex at every possible moment.  At least she hoped not.

Misato's process of elimination on how to solve the new sleeping arrangements finally reached a suitable conclusion. Activating her cell phone, she placed a call to her sometime assistant. "Makoto-kun, it's me. I need a favour."

***

**_Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu/(Ayanami) Residence_**

Entering the apartment, Misato couldn't help but smile at the antics of the young girl beside her. "Looking for your boyfriend Rei?"

Rei began her systematic search for Shinji. Unable to locate him in either the living room or kitchen, she concluded he was either taking a bath, using the toilet or in his room. "Yes Majo-….Misato-san." Perhaps he is with his friends? It is unlikely he is with Pilot Sohryu. Although she was relatively certain of this, the nagging doubt was still there, constantly reminding her of certain rumours she had heard concerning the Second Children and Shinji.

Shaking her head in exasperation, Misato headed for the kitchen and a well deserved drink before dinner. "Rei, it's no fun for me if you don't react properly when I tease you." At least Shinji-kun has the decency to get all flustered.

"I was unaware that I was required to react in a predetermined fashion. I will endeavour to –"

Waving the girl's concerns away, Misato pointed in the general direction of the bedrooms. "Don't worry about it Rei. Shin-chan's probably in his room. Just go in for your make-out session." She winked. "But try to keep the noise down."

Inclining her head at Misato's suggestion, Rei left the woman to her drinking to seek the object of her fascination. Make out session? Another unfamiliar term. Perhaps Shinji-kun will be able to explain it to me. He appears to understand most of the odd statements that Misato-san alludes to.

Just as Rei was about to open the door to 'Shinji's Lovely Suite', a voice behind her whispered low and menacingly. "What are you doing First?"

"I am here to 'Make out with Shin-chan'." Rei replied, using the strange terminology that Misato had employed. Shin-chan. It is pleasant sounding. Perhaps I will use it more often. With that, she entered the room, closing the door behind her.

"Oh okay." Asuka began walking back towards her room. "………………..……..Wait a minute." She rushed back towards Shinji's room. "Just what the he-" Her voice dropped away at the sight that greeted her.

Rei sat on the bed beside Shinji who was obviously asleep. "Please remain quiet Pilot Sohryu. Shinji-kun is asleep." She whispered, staring in wonderment at how relaxed his features were as he slept. I have never seen Shinji-kun so……..at peace. She decided she liked seeing him like that. I would like to see him smile again. To smile at me.

Amazed at what she was seeing, Asuka moved over beside the couple to watch the subtle interaction being played out. "What do you see in him Wonder Girl?"

Never taking her eyes from his face, she tried to formulate the ever growing feelings into words. "He is ……considerate…… and gentle …………..and I ………." Simply unable to explain what she felt for the young boy, Rei instead kept quiet.

Asuka folded her arms. "You mean he's a wimp and a coward."

Gently shaking her head, Rei defended him from the German girl's harsh criticisms. "You are mistaken to interpret his gentle nature as a weakness. It is his strength." She ran her fingers slowly through his hair, relishing the sensation as her fingertips ran across his scalp. "It is why I wish to remain at his side."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Shinji sat bolt upright, his scream surprising his two guests.

Asuka clutched a hand to her chest. "Gott in Himmel Third Children. Why can't you just wake up normally like everyone else?" Catching her breath, she composed herself. "I think you just took a decade off my life."

Rei gathered Shinji's nearest available hand in her own, squeezing gently. "Shinji-kun, are you all right?" His cry had caught her off guard and had her wondering if he had injured himself somehow.

Scratching his head, Shinji blushed. "Sorry Asuka, I just had a bad dream." Smiling to hopefully reassure Rei, he returned the gentle grip as she seemingly refused to release his hand. "I'll be fine Rei-chan."

Asuka stalked out of the room. "Whatever. I'm going shopping with Hikari." Her head reappeared in the open doorway. "Make sure dinner is ready by the time I get back."

"Okay Asuka. Bye." Watching Asuka leave both relieved and bothered him. Asuka seemed a little strange. I wonder if something's wrong?

"Shinji-kun, are you sure everything is fine? You are still trembling." Her concern was slightly mollified by his responding smile.

"It's okay, really. Strangely enough I wake up like that more often than not." He chuckled, pushing the unpleasant nightmare into the further reaches of his mind.

"You did not do so when I was sleeping beside you." She shifted closer, resting her head on his shoulder. "Perhaps I should do so more often." Closing her eyes, Rei felt that this was something she truly enjoyed. Perhaps there is more than just EVA and loneliness.

"Uhmm…. I don't think Misato-san would allow it Rei-chan." Shinji could feel his heart gradually making it's way up through his throat. Swallowing nervously he glanced at Rei's face, marvelling at her delicate features.

"I don't mind Rei. If it means I can sleep in more often and if it shuts Asuka up about Shinji screaming in his sleep, I don't care if you sleep in the same bed." Shinji's jaw unhinged as he stared to find a deliriously happy Misato Katsuragi sitting in a chair watching them.

"MISATO-SAN!" Shinji exclaimed, outraged that Misato could even suggest something so indecent. His cheeks burned as his imagination extrapolated the scenario even further.

"I will accept your offer Misato-san." Rei had not reacted to the presence of the woman at all. Her thoughts were focused entirely on the sensation that her closeness to Shinji produced.

"Rei-chan, Misato-san was just teasing us." He threw his guardian a panic stricken look, pleading for her to relent this one time. "Weren't you Misato-san?" Kami-sama, please tell her you were joking Misato-san.

Misato grinned. "Hmmm, I don't know Shin-chan. Are you REALLLLLY that much against having your girlfriend sleep with you?"

"Misato-san, remember what you told us. Nothing intimate." Shinji countered seriously.

"How is sleeping together intimate Shin-chan?" Rei moved her head slightly, so her forehead was resting against the join of Shinji's neck and shoulder. "When we have intercourse it could be considered intimacy. Sleeping together is not the same as engaging in sexual activity." Her eyes opened briefly to look at Misato. "Is that not correct Misato-san?" She asked.

"Oh don't mind me." Misato waved her hand. "Just act like I wasn't even her." She leaned back in the seat to enjoy the show.

"Understood." Rei simply nodded, closing her eyes once again.

Shinji felt what little control he had over his life was diminishing rapidly. Shin-chan?!? 'WHEN' we have intercourse?! Just what has Misato-san been telling Rei?

"Hello, Katsuragi-san? Anyone home?" A familiar voice called out.

"Come on in Makoto-kun, I'm in Shinji's room." Misato said. "Did you get what I wanted?" She asked eagerly.

The spectacled face of Makoto Hyouga appeared in the doorway. "They're bringing it up now. Hi Shinji-kun, Ayanami." He waved bashfully, his eyes occasionally flickering over to Misato then back to the floor.

"Who is bringing what Misato-san?" Shinji asked, wondering what Misato was up to and just how it was going to further complicate his life.

Pinching his cheek, Misato smiled playfully. "Just wait and see my little Shinji-kun, just wait and see."

***

**_End Eighth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

I was originally going to have Gendou agree to Misato's ploy, but felt he wouldn't readily agree to something so easily. He knew what was going on, and like all consummate masterminds, he already has something planned. And like a spider, he'll watch the flies struggle in his web until he's ready to pounce. Don't worry, the WAFF (This is meant to be something resembling a romantic story, I think?) can only last so long before the author decides to implement his scenario. One more chapter, I think.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	9. Ninth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

#Medical Warning#

Those with diabetes should avoid this episode. The WAFF and saccharine content is fairly high. You have been warned. (This means you, Sake Girl Duellist Miko. Although she may have OD'd during the last chapter)

But there is a reason. (Mainly the author just rambling, but that's a given) This is just fleshing out the relationship stuff. With the bland sort of things actual kids do. (It's been a number of years since I was a 14 year old, so bear with me. And remember this is rated PG!)

The real stuff starts with the Tenth Refrain. (Angst/Pain/Gendou etc)

**_All That I Am_**

**_Ninth Refrain – Expressions of Interest_**

**_NERV Headquarters - Cafeteria_**

Closing her eyes in frustration, Ritsuko suppressed the urge to inject her colleague and best friend with one of the many deadly toxins she had at her disposal. "Misato, just what the hell have you done? Commander Ikari is furious." Her eyebrow twitched furiously at the memory of her most recent conversation with the frightening individual known as Gendou Ikari.

Oblivious to the very real, palpable aura of rage surrounding the blonde scientist, Misato affected her best, '_Kami I'm Good and Don't I Know It'_, smile. "Not much. I just convinced the people holding the purse strings to spend some of it on upgrading Rei's apartment. I mean, have you seen that dump she was living in?"

Realising even direct interrogation was fruitless, Ritsuko slumped down into the cafeteria chair moaning dejectedly. "Misato, I would like to consider myself one of the few people willing to endure your periodic bouts of spontaneous insanity for the sake of our friendship." Continuing to frown, Ritsuko twirled her hand in the air. "But at some point you're going to cross the line and I won't be there to help you." She warned.

Misato simply chose to ignore her friend's concern. "It's not like they're having sex Ritsuko. Shinji and Rei are just sharing the same room." Looking back on it, Misato still couldn't fathom how two teenagers could share such a small, cramped room and **_still_ have spare closet space. It's just not natural.**

Groaning at the obscene imagery her mind decided to provide, Ritsuko immediately began thinking of the possible ramifications to Pilot Synch scores and a certain Commanders reaction to the significant drop in performance. "Please tell me they're not sleeping together, please?"

"Jealousy's a terrible thing Ritsu-chan." Misato's frown was ruined by the sparkle of amusement twinkling in her eyes.

Ritsuko's eye's narrowed. "What are you implying Misato?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." Misato replied a little too quickly. "Look, I solved that particular problem. Makoto-kun delivered the bunk beds yesterday." Her eyes glazed over slightly as she reminisced. "It was so cute. You should have seen how Shinji offered Rei the first pick of which bed she wanted. Didn't think she was the type that liked to be on top?" Misato stifled a laugh at her own double entendre.

Trying to change the subject, especially as their conversation was attracting a crowd of eavesdroppers, Ritsuko steered the conversation towards something that did interest her more than which sexual positions the Children enjoyed. "Just how did you manage to convince those tight-fisted, anal retentive bastards to cough up the cash? I have to fight tooth and nail to get what I want."

"I know." Leaning back, Misato looked off to the side. "I heard all about how the guys rejected your request for increased funding. How you went down there personally to," She tapped her chin." now how did he put it," Leaning over the table, Misato grinned. " see what arrangements could be made."

Ritsuko's face shifted through the colour spectrum, settling firmly in the scarlet section. "Lies! All lies I tell you!" She cried furiously.

Misato's index finger waved slowly in front of Ritsuko's emerald eyes. "That's not how I heard it. And apparently there are quite a number of witnesses that can verify it."

"Shut up Misato." She muttered, hoping that perhaps something rather unfortunate and painful would befall the rather smug Major.

"If you keep frowning like that, you'll get even more wrinkles." Misato cautioned. "And at your age you need to take care of yourself."

Ritsuko made a grab for her coffee mug, needing the reassuring flavour to settle her frazzled nerves. "What are you insinuating? I'm only a year older than you."

"Exactly." Misato replied, clinically inspecting her fingernails.

Misato's casual manner only further infuriated Ritsuko. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Older is older and unlike a fine wine, some things don't improve with age." Misato paused and reached out to touch Ritsuko's blonde hair. "Is that a grey hair?"

Slapping her hand away, Ritsuko stomped back towards her office. "Don't you have any real work to do?"

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

Asuka shook her head as she watched her two companions. "So explain to me just what we're doing again?"

"Teaching Rei-chan to ride a bike." Concentrating on keeping the bike steady, Shinji missed the wistful expression on Asuka's face while she watched him holding the bike that Rei was sitting on. "We've been over this a few times already Asuka." He said, gently guiding Rei along.

Having witnessed others utilising similar devices to journey from location to location, Rei had originally thought it a simple matter to master. "Shinji-kun and I have agreed to share new experiences together, Pilot Sohryu." While she was naturally gifted athletically, the infernal contraption, as she was now referred to it, appeared to have a mind of its own.

"And just why am I here?" Asuka asked no one in particular, her face turned to the sky.

"You wanted to come." Shinji replied. "In fact, you insisted."

"Gott, what was I thinking. Next time, tell me to reconsider." Asuka complained, remonstrating her decision to keep an eye on the young couple.

"Bored already?" Shinji absently wondered. Asuka had been spending a great deal of her free time with both himself and Rei. She must still be upset with how Kaji-san is avoiding her. He couldn't really blame the man. Having experienced Asuka's temper first hand, he suspected it was just one of the reasons he hadn't seen Ryouji loitering around the apartment lately. Misato-san's still annoyed with him to. He wondered what would be worse. Having to deal with an angry Asuka or a vengeful Misato. I suppose once they killed you, it wouldn't really matter. He mused, knowing full well that both women were capable of inflicting serious collateral damage.

"Watching you and Wonder Girl mooning over each other isn't my idea of a great time, you know." Looking out over the parkland, Asuka watched some of the other citizens of Tokyo-3 enjoying their precious free time. Seeing young couples wandering around, enjoying themselves only heightened the empty feeling inside.

Releasing his hold on the bike now that he was confidant that Rei was stable enough, Shinji turned to talk to Asuka. "Riding a bike's pretty exhilarating. You could always give it a try."

"Shinji-kun?" Rei said as she fought to maintain both her own balance and control over the handlebars.

"Why should I need to learn how to ride a bike?" Asuka flicked her hair back and then rested her hands on her hips. "It won't be long before I have a drivers licence." Then she'd have true freedom. Real independence.

"Shinji-kun?!" Rei repeated, a slight sense of urgency in her voice as the front wheel began wobbling.

Shinji recalled some of the tracks and trails he had encountered the first time he had run away after coming to Tokyo-3. "There're places you can go on a bike that you can't get to in a car." He smiled. "Besides, it's something fun to share with others. We could all go out for a day, you, me and Rei-chan, Ken, Touji and the Class Rep." He offered, hoping she'd take the opportunity to see something of the city they lived in. Maybe it'll help take her mind off Kaji-san.

"SHINJI-KUN!!" Rei called, her voice significantly louder than either Shinji or Asuka could ever recall hearing before.

Spinning around, Shinji looked for his girlfriend. "Yes Rei-chan. Rei-chan? Rei-chan!" Spotting the blue haired young girl gradually disappearing over an embankment, Shinji ran as fast as he could to catch up to her.

Running was something of a specialty for Shinji. In no time at all, he caught up to the wobbly, out of control bike and managed to catch Rei as she fell. Wrapping his arms protectively around her, he braced for the impact.

Opening her eyes, Rei found herself lying on top of Shinji, firmly embraced in his arms. She decided that she enjoyed this experience far more than attempting to ride a bicycle. "You did not have to that Shinji-kun. I nearly had it under control." Instead of extricating herself from the rather indiscrete position, she shifted to maximise their mutual contact. Yes. Much more enjoyable than riding.

Wincing as the resulting pain from his actions kicked in Shinji waited for Rei to move. "Nearly and actually are worlds apart Rei-chan." Shinji responded, praying his body didn't respond as well. "I just didn't want you to get injured." He whispered, eliciting a small smile from her as she rested comfortably against him.

"Thank you Shinji-kun." Thank you for caring about me. For someone who is only a replaceable shell.

Walking over to where the pair lay, Asuka nudged Shinji with her foot. "Jeez Baka, look at yourself. You're all messed up. Just think how Misato's going to react when we bring you back all bruised and cut up." Asuka thought back to each and every instance where their irresponsible guardian had practically groped the boy whenever he was even slightly injured or upset. Who knows how she'll react if he ever actually died? The thought of Shinji no longer being there, actually being gone for good, disturbed her. Why should I care? Why do I care?

"Misato-san will think you have simply taken offence when he has spoken out of turn." Rei opened her eyes to gaze up at German Pilot. "Again." She added with a tiny smirk.

Asuka's jaw dropped slightly. "Was that a joke First Children?"

**_Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu/(Ayanami) Residence_**

Standing in the bath anteroom, Shinji peeled off his clothes and threw them into the laundry basket. Nothing like a hot bath to wash away the general aches and pains. Just as he was about to grab his towel the sliding door to the bathroom flew open causing him to freeze in place.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Asuka screamed hysterically. "HENTAI! ECCHI! GET OUT, GET OUT!" Storming in, clad in her familiar red towel, she grabbed the poor boy and began ejecting him forcibly from the room.

Realising that he was completely bereft of clothing, Shinji struggled, albeit in vain, to somehow remedy the situation. "But Asu-. Hey watch where you're-"

"OUTOUTOUTOUTOUT!!!" Without realising she was doing so, Asuka gave Shinji a cursory once over, twice in some places. A warm sensation slowly began tickling her chest and began spreading throughout her body.

"Okay, I'm leaving already. Can I at least get dress-" Knowing Asuka had both the size and strength advantage, Shinji tried to reason with the now heavily blushing girl. Why's she getting all flustered? I'm the one that's naked.

Not believing him, regardless of the circumstances, Asuka shoved Shinji, none too gently, through the open doorway into the kitchen. "And stay out you pervert!"

Stumbling backwards, Shinji bumped into the table. Glancing up he found Asuka staring at him, her expression unreadable. As soon as she became aware that he was watching her she stuck her tongue out at him and closed the door. The lock clicking audibly.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" Shinji turned around, absently rubbing his rear where it had struck the edge of the table. He came to a complete standstill finding that he was not alone.

Misato had been sitting at the table going over her latest reports concerning the emotional and mental stability of her young wards when her train of thought was derailed by Asuka manhandling a very naked Shinji. "Shinji-kun, haven't we had this discussion before?" Her eyes dipped down, Shinji's eye's followed. "I thought you were going to start wearing a towel when you came out of the bathroom?" A broad smile lit her face as Shinji tried to preserve his remaining dignity by covering himself as best he could.

"But Asuk-" Shinji struggled to explain his predicament. Unfortunately, being naked in the kitchen with Misato wasn't helping his situation.

Misato simply continued, not allowing him to defend himself. "I wonder what Rei would say if I told her that her boyfriend likes to run around the apartment buck naked." Her eyes eventually lifted to look Shinji straight in the face. A face that was burning an almost incandescent crimson.

"Misato-san!" Embarrassed beyond imagining, Shinji stalked back to his room muttering about crazed redheads and lecherous old women.

Misato's eyes followed the firm posterior until it disappeared around the corner. "Maybe I should have told him that Rei is waiting in his bedroom." Shaking her head, Misato lifted her beer to polish it off. "Nah!"

Moments later a piercing shriek ruptured the silence. "AAAHHH!! Rei-chan!"

Misato raised an eyebrow as a flushed Rei stumbled into the kitchen, her eyes wide in amazement and her chest heaving. "What's the matter Rei? You look a bit out of sorts."

I have witnessed Shinji-kun's naked body before. Why does it produce this tingling sensation? Fighting to regather herself, Rei waited, catching her breath before replying. "That was most………….interesting." Pausing for a few seconds, she turned around and headed back towards hers and Shinji's room.

"Where are you going Rei?" Misato asked, interested in the girl's actions.

Without stopping, Rei answered. "I wish to confirm that reaction."

"Poor Shinji-kun." Misato shook her head, sympathising with a Fourteen Year old boy that was, for all intents and purposes, forced to live with three women, one of whom was his girlfriend.

"REI-CHAN!?" Shinji's voice reverberated through the apartment.

"A girlfriend who sees nothing wrong with sleeping with him and walking around the apartment naked." Misato chuckled, imagining just how Shinji was reacting to Rei's inquisitive nature.

"You do not have to get dressed for my benefit Shinji-kun, you are pleasing to look at." Rei's voice, while muted was still discernable through the walls.

"And now she finds she enjoys seeing him in the raw." Misato scribbled a few more comments down before closing the report. Leaning back, she spied Pen-Pen staring expectantly at his food dish then in the direction of Shinj's room. "You might want to give him a while Pen-Pen. Besides, Rei might take offence if you interrupt her fun."

Pen-Pen lowered his head, resigning himself to the fact that the Timid Food Provider was no longer exclusively his. Grabbing a beer and his towel, he decided a leisurely soak would help pass the time until the food was ready.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Perverted bird! How did you get in here?" Asuka's cry shook the walls.

"Waaarkk?"

***

**_TOKYO-3 _****_Municipal_****__****_High School_****__**

Taking a seat next to Shinji, Rei opened her bento, one that he had prepared for her, and posed a question that had been weighing on her mind. "Shinji-kun, what is considered an acceptable time frame for a relationship to develop fully?"

The question caught him a little unprepared. Ordinarily Rei rarely spoke, much less initiated conversation. Although that had changed to a degree now that they were kind of an official couple.

Sort of.

Shinji was just beginning to learn that the politics of teenage relationships was fraught with peril. "I'm not sure I understand Rei-chan." He admitted to himself that this was a major understatement. Considering this was his first actual relationship, everything he was doing was not too far removed from his normal behaviour.

Although if anyone happened to believe a certain red head, his normal behaviour was grossly perverted. Shinji briefly wondered whether he should ask Asuka why she thought he was a pervert. 

He shivered at the consequences of pursuing that line of thought. All in all, Shinji was quite sure he could devise much simpler and less painful forms of suicide.

Chewing thoughtfully, Rei swallowed the food before continuing. "The material I am presently reading mentions that a certain amount of time is necessary to develop a relationship properly." Having accepted the role as Shinji's pretend girlfriend, Rei felt obligated to research the subject thoroughly. Now that she **_WAS_** his girlfriend, it was essential to better understand what Shinji desired from their newly formed partnership.

All things considered, Rei felt certain she knew what she expected from their partnership.

So those were her magazines! Shinji struggled with the revelation. Initially he had thought that perhaps Asuka had bought the rather gaudy teenage orientated magazines. He had been too afraid to even mention the subject to the highly volatile girl. "I guess so." He said. "Is it something important?"

"At what stage do we progress from being Boyfriend and Girlfriend to becoming Lovers?" Rei asked, genuinely interested in his response.

"LOVERS?!?" Shinji's outburst drew the unwelcome attention of every single person within the confines of the classroom. He quickly noted, with some relief, that Asuka and Hikari had both opted to eat lunch outside, while Touji was playing basketball and Kensuke was Kami knows where, most likely doing things that could get him expelled or worse.

To date, Asuka's reaction had been considerably more positive than he could have possibly ever imagined, although he felt a nagging sense of discontentment about her attitude. As of yet, both Touji and Kensuke were completely unaware of his newly acquired status of no longer being single. At some point he was going to have to tell them. They are my friends. They probably have a right to know that Rei-chan and I are now an item.

Unconcerned by the viewing audience their discussion had generated, Rei pressed her case, wanting, needing clarification on how and when things would proceed. "Yes. At what point do we progress from the emotional connection we have developed and establish a physical component to our relationship? The manual," She removed a magazine from her school satchel and held it up, pointing to a highlighted article for Shinji to read. "stresses that both people concerned should be willing to commit to such a level of shared intimacy." Waiting until she felt sufficient time had elapsed for Shinji to have read the article, Rei returned the magazine to her bag and waited patiently for his thoughts on the information the article contained.

Unfortunately Shinji had not been able to read more than a few lines. The explicit nature was more than his mind was able to process. "Physical?!? Intimacy?!?"

Delving into her satchel once again, Rei withdrew yet another magazine, similarly highlighted. "Other texts state that certain couples wait until formalising their bond in marriage." She said, offering the magazine to Shinji to peruse. "Although I have heard this is actually an outdated concept." Certain gossip spoken with hushed voices in the girl's toilets had confirmed this.

"Marriage?!?" Shinji squeaked amidst an ocean of catcalls, whistles and off-colour remarks. His world view began to blur until everything went a hazy grey.

"Shinji-kun? Are you unwell? Shinji-kun?" Rei placed her arms around the boy, concerned with the unusual hue his skin colour had adopted. Is it normal for someone to turn such a pallid shade of blue?

***

**_NERV Headquarters_**

"Hello Ritsuko-san. You wanted to see me?" Shinji's hesitant voice murmured from the office entrance.

Ritsuko stopped her source code verification check to smile at her young guest. "Come in Shinji-kun. Take a seat, I'll be with you in a moment." She quickly initiated a service routine for the security system.

Taking a seat nearest the door, more from habit than any real sense of fear, Shinji waited for Ritsuko to finish whatever it was she was working on. "Misato-san said the next harmonics test wasn't until tomorrow?" He fidgeted slightly watching Ritsuko examine a very disturbing probe-type device. "Did she get it wrong? Or am I here for another physical?" With the image of the probe still vividly fresh in his mind, he was prepared to run for all he was worth if that was the case.

NERV security would have to drag him back kicking and screaming, or at the very least sedated.

Ritsuko dropped the medical device, letting it clatter on the floor tiles. "Misato actually remembered?" She blinked twice before regaining her composure. "Wonders will never cease." Shaking her head, Ritsuko glanced over at her young guest.. She resisted the urge to laugh at how nervous he was. "No Shinji-kun, I didn't ask you in today for any surprise tests or check ups." Her smile became slightly less benign. "Unless you suddenly feel the need to strip and lie down on the examining table. I'm more than willing to oblige."

Watching her reach to retrieve the implement she had previously dropped, Shinji graciously decided to decline the _'oh so tempting'_ offer to lay naked on a cold metal bench for hours on end while Ritsuko poked, prodded and examined every inch of his frame. "Uhhmm ……. no …….. thank you Ritsuko-san." He breathed a quiet sigh of relief while she put the object away. "But if I'm not here for medical reasons," He made sure to remember to thank each and every divine being he had ever heard of or read about for this particular piece of good fortune. "why am I here?" He asked, knowing it couldn't be worse than NERV's idea of a medical examination.

"It's about you and Rei." Ritsuko answered. Strangely enough, her abject loathing of Rei had decreased of late, almost to the point where she could tolerate the albino girl. She surmised that Rei's increased interaction with Shinji was allowing the girl to develop something of a personality. A personality that freed her from the clutches of Commander Ikari. If only I could free myself.

"Rei-chan? Is there something wrong?" Shinji's expression suddenly grew concerned. His worry for Rei over-riding his own sense of self preservation.

Ritsuko felt a small pang of envy at his reaction. "No, nothing like that. It's more to do with how close the two of you have become. You've never been especially close to other people have you Shinji-kun?" While Gendou had abdicated his responsibility as a parent, regular updates on the whereabouts and psychological profile of his son had been regularly submitted to NERV. Even if Ritsuko was the only one that had taken time to review them.

"No Ma'am." With a will of it's own, his hand slowly began curling into a fist and then releasing.

Noticing the subconscious movement, Ritsuko felt a sense of deja-vu wash over her. She had witnessed the exact same action many times before. I wonder how Shinji-kun would react if I told him that his father has the same idiosyncrasy? "In a way, you're very similar to Rei. Her childhood was ……" Ritsuko searched for the appropriate term."…….. slightly different. She doesn't understand some of the more complex issues that can arise in a relationship. Considering that you're both teenagers living under the same roof, certain urges-"

Without meaning to, Shinji cut Ritsuko off. "Are you giving me '_The Talk_' Ritsuko-san?" He blurted out.

Ritsuko offered the best understanding smile she could. "Not exactly. Why? Do you want me to expl-"

Once again Shinji cut her off, trying to salvage the impromptu conversation. "No! No thank you. Misato-san decided that it was part of her duty as my guardian. Her explanations were a little…….. confusing, but I managed to piece most of it together." Without really wanting to, he recalled the incident that led to the conversation taking place.

Having fallen asleep in the bath, Misato had naturally thought he had been _'entertaining'_ himself in a very typical teenage boy fashion. His red faced denial had only encouraged her.

"She was drunk wasn't she?" Ritsuko guessed, suspecting that her college friend was perhaps taking her guardianship a little too casually.

"Only a bit." Shinji admitted, not entirely comfortable snitching on Misato.

Suddenly Ritsuko's face became very serious. "She didn't mention anything about me, did she?" Kami-sama! Who knows what she's told him?

Shinji sifted through his memories of that night. He had desperately tried to forget most of what Misato had spoken of. Simply to preserve his own sanity. "There was something about eating carpet, but at the time I was still getting over the whole '_Learning how to control the gag reflex' _demonstration." He shuddered at _'that'_ particular memory.

Sympathising with Shinji to a degree, Ritsuko moved to take a seat beside him. "Look Shinji-kun. I'm not going to tell you the facts of life." She rested a hand on his knee, ignoring his startled reaction. "I'm confidant that Misato has left enough educational material around the apartment to give you the general idea. Television and Schoolyard gossip should fill in any remaining blanks. I just wanted to let you know that ……. I'm on your side." She squeezed his knee gently, hoping to convey a sense of understanding.

"My side?" He stared slack jawed at the blonde woman who was acting almost friendly compared to her normal demeanour.

Nodding to confirm her earlier declaration, Ritsuko leaned in closer. "Rei, yourself and Asuka carry a heavy burden. We sit back and send the three of you out to save the world." Her emerald eyes felt a slight sense of disconcertion, losing themselves in his midnight blue ones. "You know better than most that each time you head out could be your last."

"What are you getting at Ritsuko-san?" Shinji shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable with Ritsuko's close proximity.

Not willing to let him escape so easily, Ritsuko leaned even further across, until her nose was almost touching his. "If you can find a little piece of happiness, something that makes all the pain worthwhile, don't let it go." She could feel his sweet, warm breath across her lips. "You should do everything in your power to hold on to it. Do you understand?" Seeing how distressed he was with her presence, Ritsuko released her hold, allowing him some breathing room.

With his heart still pounding fiercely in his chest, Shinji stood to leave. "I think so."

"Now I know Misato bought bunk beds for your room, but Shinji-kun……."

"Yes?" He inwardly cringed. Ritsuko's smile was starting to resemble Misato's. This couldn't be good, he just knew it.

"Please try **_NOT_ to get her pregnant." Ritsuko added idly, knowing full well that it was impossible for Rei to fall pregnant.**

"Ritsuko-san?!" Shinji exclaimed. How could she think I would treat Rei-chan like that?

Waving the boy's frantic cries and denials away, Ritsuko returned to her workstation and the mountain of work she still had to complete before she could retire for the night. "I'll see you tomorrow Shinji-kun."

"Yeah ……….. tomorrow." He muttered, wondering whether both Misato and Ritsuko regularly got together to discuss just how to make his life a living misery.

Ritsuko waited until she was absolutely certain that Shinji was gone, checking his passage through NERV via the security cameras. Satisfied that no one would interfere, she reached for the phone. Just as she was about to pick it up it began ringing. "Are you happy now?" She said, knowing full well who was on the other end.

"Your performance was satisfactory, Doctor Akagi." The ruthless voice of Gendou Ikari spoke. "Perhaps you missed your true calling?" 

"What do you hope to gain from this Gendou?" She inquired, not really expecting an answer.

"The means to an end." And then the line was silent, leaving Ritsuko alone with her thoughts of the man she loved. A man who would never love her back, his capacity to love lost to a tragedy a decade earlier.

***

**_End Ninth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Well, that's enough sugar I think. It's time for the Twelfth Angel to arrive. Remembering the TV series, this is when the darkness kicked itself into gear. While the WAFF element will still be there (This a romance story after all.) the level of angst becomes slightly more noticeable. As always, I'll skip most of the Battle scenes (watch the series again to fill in the blanks.) and concentrate more on the after effects and people type stuff.

Just to clear things up – 

- The Bike scene was inspired by an image I saw of Rei and Shinji in one of my recent Japanese Newtype 'zines. I'll have to scan it one of these days.

- Rei reading teen magazines? At her age, what better source of (Mis)information.

- No. Ritsuko is not going to suddenly develop an insatiable Shinji-fetish. (In this story, that's Rei's job.) Essentially, she sees something special in Shinji that she wishes was part of Gendou.

Although the idea of a Shinji / Ritsuko love story does sound intriguing. I'll have to think about that one. It would take a fair bit of manipulation of Evangelion Canon to pull it off properly. (Maybe for something to do when I get a few spare minutes in my 37 hour days!)

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	10. Tenth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

The Twelfth Messenger Leliel has appeared. Unit 01 has fallen to its deception. Just how will those who have been left behind react?

**_All That I Am_**

**_Tenth Refrain – Waiting_**

**_NERV Temporary Encampment_**

**Gott I hate this.**

Asuka was not ideally suited to waiting. Her thought process, her synaptic activity, even her physical metabolism, all worked at a dramatically increased rate in comparison to that of an average human being. It was hard wired into every fibre of her being at a genetic level. It provided the ideal fuel for her ambition and desire to always be the best. To always hold the spotlight. To be Number One.

It was the core element that defined the person known as Asuka Langley Sohryu.

To a degree, it help explained her impatience and intolerance with those that failed to meet her extraordinarily high standards. And to this day, Asuka had not found a single person as capable or as worthy as she knew she herself was. Occasionally someone would come along and perhaps match her for a while, but only in one particular area of her many and varied fields of expertise and never for very long. No one could compare to the magnificence that was Asuka Langley Sohryu.

**He beat me.**

Asuka had not even celebrated her seventh birthday when she was informed that she had been selected as the Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, chosen as the candidate to be known as the Second Children by the Marduk Report. She would pilot her mama's creation. It was just one more accolade to add to an already phenomenal list of achievements for someone so young. It justified her beliefs that she was special. She was chosen to save the world. She had reached the pinnacle. She would win back her mama's attention.

**Baka Shinji beat me.**

With her eyes watching nothing, staring at the ceiling, Asuka continued to digest and regurgitate the same sequence of thoughts over and over again seeking absolution amidst the turbulent oceans of her mind. But defeating the enemy within is never easy.

**That wimpy, cowardly pervert beat me.**

No matter how hard she tried to fathom the reasons, no answer presented itself. No profound insight enlightened Asuka as to how or why it had happened. It simply happened. Shinji Ikari had surpassed her. What had taken her over half of her life to date to accomplish, he had eclipsed in less than a year.

**How?******

Asuka's superior intellect offered no solace to the crushing defeat she imagined she had suffered. For Asuka, there were no excuses for losing.

**How could I lose? I'm better than either of them. I'm the best.**

Again and again, Misato's voice sounded in her mind. Each syllable battering her mercilessly as the woman proudly proclaimed Shinji's elevation to 'Number One' heralding his ascension to the coveted position as the best EVA Pilot.

**There must be some sort of mistake. There's no way that pathetic loser could beat my Synchronisation Ratio.**

Again and again, Shinji's smile, his look of elation, of unbridled joy and delight assaulted her, tore at her. Never before had she witnessed the sullen youth express himself so positively. It would have been refreshing if only it hadn't been at her expense. 

**I won't accept it. It's just some trick that Misato and Ritsuko dreamed up.**

All week long this one irrefutable fact had burned in her mind. As a result she had treated Shinji even worse than she normally would have. The simple taunts she normally utilised now bordered on abuse. Asuka lashed out at every opportunity, ensuring Shinji understood he was definitely not the Number One EVA Pilot that Misato had dared call him. She made sure he knew his place in the hierarchy of NERV and that he never was and never would be better than Asuka Langley Sohryu.

**He didn't even try.**

Of course, the more she confronted Shinji, the more he had simply retreated behind his damnable apologies mumbling about how he didn't want the recognition. How he hadn't tried to surpass her on purpose. His refusal to openly flaunt his supposed superiority had only infuriated Asuka further.

**I want to hate him.**

And that damnable doll. Always there. Always at his side. Misato even allowed them to sleep together. Of course they both denied it. Hiding their perversion behind a feeble excuse, bunk beds. Asuka couldn't believe the sheer audacity of their commanding officer. By allowing Shinji and Rei's relationship to continue, she was, by default, encouraging them.

**They disgust me.**

Now she waited. Over Fifteen hours and counting since 'Baka Shinji' had taken the initiative, launching his pre-emptive assault against the black, spherical Angel floating above the city. There, outside, was the result of his presumption. His unit had fallen into the darkness that Ritsuko had labelled a Sea of Dirac. Asuka was a genius, she knew this without a doubt. She had graduated University before she had even turned fourteen. But the theoretical mathematics that Ritsuko had used to describe the dimension inside the Angel was beyond even her. Asuka would rather die before ever admitting it but she now knew that no matter how good you were, there was always room for improvement.

**And when that idiot returns.**** I'll show him just how much I've improved.**

No one could tell whether Shinji was alive or dead. All communication with Unit 01 had been severed the moment it had disappeared into the murky darkness that was the Twelfth Angel's true form. Everything was hypothetical, based on the idiot knowing enough to switch over to the most minimal of life support while he waited for outside assistance. Of course doing so would leave him completely and utterly vulnerable to attack. No matter how you looked at it, Shinji Ikari, the Third Children as designated by the Marduk Report, would be nothing more than a memory. A bittersweet memory.

**Then it doesn't matter. Nothing else will matter. As long as I'm the best.**

And still she waited, continually telling herself that she only wanted him back to prove once and for all that she was the better Pilot and that Asuka Langley Sohryu was superior to Shinji Ikari. Contradiction and confusion ravaged her fragile heart. Yet through it all she remained resolute, never wavering, continuing to lie to herself.

***

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV_**

Safely ensconced within the silent, ominous confines of his office, Gendou Ikari sat virtually immobile at his desk. His only discernable movement for the last five hours was to occasionally reposition his glasses. Other than that, he simply waited for the inevitable conclusion to the day's events.

"They won't hold back forever Ikari. We must act and soon, or else they will take matters into their own hands." Standing beside the younger man, Kouzou watched the live feed from site of the latest Angel attack. Unlike its siblings, the Twelfth appeared content to sit there, waiting. Perhaps it's digesting its _'meal'_? He discarded the fanciful notion almost immediately. Angels had little use for such superfluous things like sustenance. Their Super Solenoid engine provided an unlimited supply of energy.

Gendou blinked impassively as his watch beeped twice, alerting him to a landmark in a timetable that was established long before Tokyo-3 was even dreamt of. "It will not be much longer Fuyutsuki. Everything is still proceeding as planned." His low, soft voice betrayed little of his true thoughts. So much potential for error. Like a carefully constructed house of cards, one misstep could bring all his work tumbling down around him.

"And if things do not proceed as planned?" Having read the translations of the Dead Sea Scrolls himself, Kouzou knew without a doubt what was transpiring, or at least, what was meant to transpire. "What then," he asked. "discard his corpse in a ditch by the road, continuing on as if nothing ever happened?" Kouzou knew that in all likelihood, this is exactly what would happen.

"We can no longer afford such petty sentimentality." Gendou knew it wouldn't be long but today's eventual victory was only one more step along an arduous path he was destined to travel. A path that had only one destination. A path that did not allow for any mistakes. "If the Third Children is deceased, Rei will assume control of Unit 01. As was always intended." While his scenario allowed for the Pilot of Unit 01 to survive beyond this juncture, it was not critical that he would.

As a fellow traveller, Kouzou knew that their journey would require certain sacrifices be made. "As long as we can retrieve Unit 01 intact."

Gendou smiled behind his folded hands. "Leliel is not strong enough to hold her Sensei. Even if the shell is just a pale imitation of the original, Yui resides within the core." Yui Ikari. The catalyst that drove Gendou to commit any atrocity necessary. He had cast aside his humanity to ensure the success of the project. He would discard humanity itself to have her back.

"Regardless of the circumstances, you should never underestimate the enemy Ikari." Kouzou cautioned, frowning at Gendou's perceived lack of forethought.

Ever the cautious individual, Gendou assuaged his former mentor's concerns. "That is why both Rei and Sohryu are on standby. The combined AT Fields generated by 00 and 02 will prevent 01 from incurring any permanent damage." That was all that mattered. The preservation of Unit 01. It was the one component that was not replaceable.

"So the Committee has authorised the deployment of the remaining N2 Mines?" Kouzou asked. "What of the-"

Gendou's statement silenced the former lecturers words. "Unit 01 is all that matters."

***

**_NERV Temporary Command Centre_**

Approaching NERV's Tactical Director of Operations, Ritsuko paused briefly to rub her cheek before thrusting herself into the lion's den. "Have you decided to calm down Misato? Or should I –"

The lion pounced.

Misato glared at the bottle blonde scientist, her eyes glowing with barely concealed rage. "I won't apologise Ritsuko." She declared. "If that's what you came looking for, you're going to go away empty handed." Having said her piece, Misato ignored Ritsuko's presence to once again concentrate on formulating a plan to rescue Shinji, not just Unit 01.

Unhappy with how things were rapidly spiralling out of her control, Ritsuko tried logic, hoping that Misato would realise the seriousness of their situation. "You have to think about this objectively Misato. Don't let your emotions affect your battlefield decisions."

"Or what? I might make a mistake that could lead to the possible death of one of my team. No wait. That's your department isn't it? How does it feel to kill a child Ritsuko?" Misato demanded, gripping Ritsuko by her lab coat lapels. "To participate in the execution of someone who doesn't even want to be here?" As much as she tried not to, Misato couldn't stop the tears from coming. "Who has been kicked in the teeth each time he tries to help someone?" She moaned, thinking how her last memory was of Shinji's pained expression as he boarded Unit 01's entry plug.

"Stop being foolish Misato." Fearing that Misato was about to unleash more than just a slap, Ritsuko grabbed her wrists. "Shinji-kun knew the risks." She stared the distraught woman in the face. Trying to make her see reason and make her understand that there was more at stake than the life of one boy.

Misato felt her strength draining. "Did he?" She released her hold on Ritsuko, barely managing to stay on her feet as her knees threatened to give way. "He made no secret of just how much he hates Piloting." Staggering backwards, Misato covered her face with her hands. "We've kept pushing him and using him, and just when he needs us the most we're going to throw him away? Leave him to die all alone?" She fell to her knees and stared listlessly at the ground.

"Do you honestly believe that's what I truly want?" Ritsuko moved to support her friend. "To see Shinji-kun's lifeless body when they open the entry plug hatch?" Her hands reached out.

"I don't even know who you are any more Doctor Akagi." Misato whispered, slapping the hands away. "Let alone what you really want from all this. I thought perhaps we were friends. But it appears I was mistaken." Straightening herself, Misato took a deep, steadying breath before walking away.

Disappointed by the conclusion Ritsuko called out to Misato, to the one person she considered a friend. "We don't know that he's dead yet Misato." The words, she knew, were hollow.

Misato stopped, but didn't turn around to face her. "But you and Commander Ikari are going to try your darnedest to see to that." Walking back to her command post, Misato offered her own bit of sage advice. "I suggest you leave now Doctor before I do something I _'might'_ regret later."

"Very well Misato, I'm leaving." Ritsuko replied despondently, wondering if this was a sign of things to come. "I just want you to know that we're all still doing everything we can to get him back. Alive." What hurt the most was that Doctor Ritsuko Akagi almost believed her own lie.

***

**_Tokyo-3 Civilian Shelter_**

Touji Suzuhara was having fun. It wasn't the big type of fun that rocked your world, but it was fun nonetheless. And these days in Tokyo-3, you had to take whatever little pleasures you could manage to get your hands on.

The little girl caught the basketball that he had gently passed to her, the delight at achieving such a feat evident by the huge grin plastering her face. Touji sighed wistfully, it was almost like playing with Mari. "Hey Kensuke, what da you think's takin' em so long? We've been holed up for more than half a day." With almost radar-like skill, he caught the ball without even looking, nonchalantly spinning it on his index finger. The casual display eliciting a squeal of amazement from the girl.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! I can't take it anymore. I need to know what's going on." Sitting against the shelter wall, Kensuke clutched his head and wailed loudly. His diatribe drawing the concerned eyes of the people around him. It wouldn't be the first time someone had cracked from the life and death pressure of living in Tokyo-3.

"Whoa, settle down 'suke." Touji's concern was heightened by the terrified expression on his young playmate's face.

"How can I? One of the greatest battles ever is taking place right now and I'm stuck in here waiting to die." The words created a miasma of depression and despair that rolled out, blanketing some of the younger members of his audience.

Noticing that some of the children were now sniffling and crying, Touji grabbed his spectacled friend and dragged him away to a less heavily populated corner. "Dude, you're scaring the kids."

Leaning back against the wall, Kensuke slumped to the floor, hanging his head in weary frustration. "Man, I'm sorry. But it's just……..I really want to be out there. I know it sounds insane, but -"

"Aida, just what do you think you're doing?" Both boys turned to find Hikari Horaki glaring at them.

Kensuke removed his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. "Shit, what now?"

His response only agitated Hikari further. "Don't use such vulgar language in front of these children. I've a good mind to report you for-"

Touji quickly stepped  between his distraught friend and the young girl, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Can ya take it easy on 'im, Horaki? Ken's just worried about Shinji."

Blushing at having Touji act so forward, Hikari lowered her face, trying to hide her flushed cheeks. "I – I'll …… overlook it just this once, Suzuhara-kun." She stammered.

Releasing the girl, Touji smiled and thanked her. "Great. Thanks Horaki, I owe you one." 

Touji's goofy smile and the way he winked at her sent her heart racing. Bowing slightly, Hikari walked giddily back to re-join her sisters. 

Yes, you definitely had to take whatever little pleasures you could manage to get your hands on. Even something as simple as a flirtatious smile from the boy you really liked.

"Thanks Touji." Kensuke muttered.

Waving it away, Touji took a seat next to him. "No problem. It's what friends are for, right?"

"Yeah." Kensuke grinned maliciously, the light reflecting ominously from his glasses. "So, when are you going to ask her out?"

"I ……… It just not ……… I don't know." Touji sputtered. "I mean, how do you ask a girl out? Jeez, look who I'm asking." He slapped a palm against his forehead, unwittingly knocking his head back against the reinforced shelter wall.

Kensuke laughed and shook his head, as he watched Touji rub the back of his scalp. "Hey, I may not have a girlfriend, but I'll have you know I've eavesdropped on quite a few chatroom conversations on The Wired."

"So you watched a bunch of words appear on a monitor typed by some old perverts." Touji looked sceptical. "How is this meant to help me?" He asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the sort of advice Kensuke managed to find posted on an adult chat site.

"Listen and learn my young Padawan." Kensuke assumed an extremely sage and wise expression, well as close as a Fourteen year old boy could. "Women adore honesty. Well, that and chocolate." He shrugged his shoulders, not really understanding the female fascination with sweets. "Just be yourself. If you try to impress her by being something you're not, you'll regret it. If she likes you, it's because of who you are normally. That's the person she wants to know more about. The Touji she wants to spend time with." He finished his sermon by poking Touji in the ribs.

"Where did you hear this?" Touji found Kensuke's speech almost too good to be true.

"Shinji." Kensuke shrugged.

Touji stared in disbelief. "Shinji?"

Kensuke found it somewhat surreal, recalling the conversation with the young Pilot. "Yeah, he says some really weird things every now and then."

Closing his eyes, Touji sighed. "I wonder how he's doing?"

"Come on." Kensuke punched Touji playfully on the arm. "This is Shinji we're talking about. You remember how he took down that Angel while we we're inside his EVA? He's an unstoppable killing machine." He declared, believing every word implicitly.

Touji opened his eyes and stared off into the distance. "That's what worries me."

"Huh?" Kensuke's glasses slipped a little.

"Remember how queasy we felt after that Angel stabbed the EVA with those tendrils?" Touji murmured. "Well think how it felt for Shinji. I mean, he was connected to it more than us and he just kept charging at it to kill it, ignoring the pain and danger. To be honest, when Shinji gets like that, he frightens the hell out of me." Kensuke could see a range of emotions pass over Touji's face as he spoke. Fear. Sorrow. Concern. "It's like he's someone else. It makes me realise how lucky I am." Touji finished.

"Lucky? You wouldn't Pilot if you got the chance?" The concept astounded Kensuke. To Pilot EVA easily ranked as his number one fantasy. It even ranked higher than sleeping with Misato. Although that was a damn close second.

"I mean, I'd love to the chance to get the bastards." The unfocussed quality to Touji's gaze suddenly disappeared, his eyes now gleaming dangerously. "They're the ones responsible for Mari bein' in hospital and all." He punctuated his words by slamming his fist against the floor. "But that time with Shinji ………… I think you need something special to Pilot, Ken. That's why we'll never get the chance."

"I guess you're right." Kensuke agreed. "We just have to wait for them to save us. Hey, it's not like he's on his own anymore. The Devil and Ayanami are with him. And they've been training at it for most of their lives."

"Yeah, as much as the Kraut Bitch Queen pisses me off, she knows her stuff." Touji frowned. Admitting anything admirable or decent about Asuka left a sour aftertaste in his mouth. "And Ayanami'll make sure Shinji comes back. She don't even let him out of her sight these days." He smiled at how the two were almost joined at the hip these days.

"They do seem awfully attached to each other, don't they?" Kensuke agreed. "So how about you and the Rep?" He asked casually.

"What are you gettin' at?" Touji's cheeks darkened slightly.

Kensuke tilted his head in the general direction where Hikari sat with her two sisters. "She's been watching you all this time, dude. I think you should go talk to her, make sure she's okay and all."

Nodding hesitantly at the advice, Touji looked at Kensuke suspiciously. "What about you? What are you going to do?"

"Try and get some decent battle footage." With a thumbs-up and an enthusiastic grin that bordered on manic obsession, Kensuke darted towards the shelter exit, leaving his friend to his own fate.

Swallowing nervously and tugging at his tracksuit collar, Touji strengthened his resolve. Slicking his hair back, he prepared for the one thing that most teenage boys absolutely dreaded, talking to a girl you liked that you hoped liked you in return. C'mon Touji, it's not like getting caught jerking off or nothin', you're just going to walk over and start a conversation. How hard can it be? "Man I hope I don't make a fool of myself." He muttered to himself, his legs feeling like his feet were encased in concrete.

***

**_NERV Temporary Encampment_**

**Her words angered me.**

_Confrontation.__ Agitation. New and unfamiliar emotional responses that had long been buried beneath years of rigid discipline and dedication to a singular purpose now surfaced. Rei continued to watch for signs of Shinji's return. Her vigil punctuated by the ever-growing sense of disquiet and unease that gripped her heart. The moment he had fallen beneath the Angel's dark surface, she had felt a part of her inner most self torn viciously from her grasp. The derogatory statements issued by the Pilot of Unit 02 had inflamed her. Enough to actually confront the volatile redhead. She had initially raised her concerns with Shinji, wondering why he allowed the Second Children to treat him so poorly._

**Even now, the mere thought annoys me. Upsets me.**

_Fury.__ Rage. Revenge. Darker and darker, until her very light was threatened, almost consumed by a bitter eclipse. Even as inexperienced as she knew she was, Rei began to comprehend the staggering enormity of just how dangerous the lure was to indulge these base emotions. In stark contrast to how she felt, Rei was unable to suppress the tiny smile that suddenly appeared on her lips. She found it surprisingly amusing that the very thing that Pilot Sohryu so vocally despised was also the only thing that spared her Rei's wrath. The muscles in her forearms released at the image of a shy, smiling Shinji Ikari. Smiling at her._

**I do not appreciate her callous remarks. Not of myself. Not of Shinji-kun.**

_Loss.__ Abandonment. Fear. All completely terrifying for someone who had never before acknowledged the value of their own life, living only for the sake of others. Now Rei faced the very thought that she could very well lose the one person who meant more to her than she would have ever thought possible. Shinji's presence at her side was all she could have asked for. All she would ever want._

**Shinji-kun.******

_Desperation.__ Want. Memories of dancing with Shinji beneath the night sky of Tokyo-3, of being held in his embrace, of sleeping at his side and being the sole focus of his attention when he smiled. All this and more. Memory after memory, image after image. Rei knew she wanted to experience everything with Shinji. To deepen the connection that existed between them both. _

**No.******

_Denial.__ Refusal. The decision was made. She would not allow Shinji to leave her. Not like this. Not with so much left unsaid and undone. She would forever be incomplete if he were to leave her now._

**You must survive.**

_Hope. Need. Crimson eyes burned fiercely, gazing out over the city. A slight breeze ruffled her short hair, the bangs drifting across her vision. Combing the locks back with her hand, Rei once again turned her eyes heaven-ward, to stare at the cause of her disturbing thoughts._

**You must return.**

_Desire. The wellspring of her soul blossomed outwards. The searing brilliance scorched the shadows that had begun to burrow into her heart, burning away the doubt and fear. Her skin tingled at the memory of his touch. Her palms itched at the recollection of how gentle he was when he held her hand. Her lips ached, craving the feel of his soft lips when they kissed. The heat that stirred from inside her body desperately sought release._

**To me.******

***

**_NERV Medical – Recovery Ward_**

Riding in a Maglev train.

Arguing with a younger version of yourself.

Dying inside a giant biomechanical weapon.

If a person lives long enough they can experience everything from the terribly mundane to the extraordinarily terrifying. While most will endure the former for their entire life some rare individuals will see more than their fair share of the latter. 

While Shinji could put the conversation between his child-self and his real self down to the eventual degradation of LCL within the entry plug, he had experienced the dying game twice so far. First against the Fifth Angel and now against the Twelfth. 

For a unique person like Shinji Ikari, dying was only the beginning.

"Familiar ceiling." Opening his eyes, Shinji blinked trying to regain his focal clarity. "Hospital. Again." Even in the muted lighting, he knew the smell of the place. As his senses finally recovered, he suddenly realised why he found himself unable to move properly. "Huh? Rei-chan?" Nestled against his side, her head resting on his chest, lay Rei Ayanami. Blissfully asleep from the looks of it.

"If you move too much you'll wake her." A weary voice whispered from the shadows beside the bed.

Slowly turning his head to verify the owner of the voice, Shinji made sure not to disturb his guest. "Misato-san?" Resting in a chair at his side sat Misato Katsuragi. A small, tired smile appeared on her face at his surprised expression.

Thank Kami-sama. He's alive. He died again. But he's still here. He came back. Standing up, Misato moved next to him and took his hand, gently squeezing it. "I……you had us all worried there for a while Shinji-kun." She hoped she wouldn't cry again. Not in front of him. It would only upset him. He'll think he's the cause.

"Sorry." Shinji mumbled, worried that his own foolish actions had upset one of the few people he truly cared for. One of the '_very'_ few people that cared for him. Relieved at Misato's gentle smile, he glanced at the sleeping girl in the bed beside him. "Is Rei-chan all right? She wasn't injured fighting the Angel was she?" His concern grew exponentially despite the look of peaceful calm that graced Rei's delicate features.

Misato shook her head. "No. Rei's fine, just a little tired I guess." She considered telling Shinji of the minor altercation that had occurred between Rei and Asuka, but decided against it. Shinji would find out eventually, but this was neither the place nor the time to discuss the growing friction between the First and Second Children. "She only fell asleep about ten minutes ago." Misato released his hand to gently caress his cheek. "She never left your side while we waited Shinji-kun." She said, recalling how determined the young girl was to remain by his side.

The way Misato was touching him elicited a small blush, barely visible in the muted lighting of his hospital room. "Are you okay Misato-san? You look a little ……….. unsettled." Shinji couldn't recall too many instances where Misato looked so distressed. She's always so upbeat. Something must have happened. "Is everyone else okay? What about Asuka?" Although he didn't really expect to see Asuka here, Shinji couldn't help but feel responsible for Asuka's unpleasant mood swings recently.

"Thank you Shinji-kun. You don't have to be diplomatic about it." Misato answered, trying to comfort him a little. "I look like hell." Misato ran a hand through her hair, grimacing at the texture. "I feel even worse at the moment. But everything's fine now. Everything's back to normal." Or as normal as things ever were in Tokyo-3. You came back. You're alive.  Misato thought, before answering his other question. "And Asuka's fine, so you just take it easy. The Medical Team said we should let you rest a little before taking you home. I'll see you in a little bit okay." Ruffling his hair, Misato leaned down to give Shinji a quick peck on the cheek. "This responsible adult has to fill out all the necessary paperwork so you can be released back into her custody."

"Misato-san?" Shinji had so much he wanted to say. So much that needed to be said. Just in case he didn't manage to make it back alive next time.

"Yes Shinji?" Misato asked, wondering what he was going to say.

Not knowing how. Unable to express everything as concisely or as clearly as he wanted to, Shinji opted for the simpler approach. "Thank you." He said with as honest a smile as he could muster.

The sight caused Misato's heart to skip a beat, possibly two. "You're welcome. Just ……….just don't scare m- us like that again, deal?" Misato forced a smile of her own in return. Her Shinji had come back. That was enough for the lavender haired woman. They had defeated the enemy and her family was still alive.

God had returned to His Heaven and All Was Right With Misato Katsuragi's World.

"Deal." Shinji watched his guardian, his commanding officer, his friend leave. He couldn't help but feel that she hadn't told him everything. Just before the door closed he caught a glimpse of red hair. No more than a glance before it vanished, leaving him to wonder if he had seen it at all. "Was that ……. Asuka?" He murmured. No, I must still be seeing things. Asuka wouldn't be waiting outside the room. Would she? Before he could investigate things any further, the young girl sleeping beside him moved.

"Hmmmmm." Rei sighed, snuggling closer against him.

Shinji watched Rei's face carefully. He had learned to read some of her facial expressions recently. As she shifted against him, repositioning herself, she breathed deeply, inhaling his scent. He caught her wrinkling her nose. Lifting his wrist to his nose, he sniffed, frowning at the aroma. "It still smells like blood."

***

**_End Tenth Refrain_**

Tbc

Proof Read and Pre-Read by Tian Xu otherwise known as SuPeRnOvA145. I cannot express how much his assistance means to me. In less than a day he managed to highlight all my glaring errors, mistakes and terrible typing skills. I could quite easily let myself go and simply rely on Tian to set it straight. I better not though. He may decide to tell me where to go.

Who'd have thought an Asuka/Shinji fan would take the job? This means I'll have to track down a Rei/Shinji fan for my Shinji/Asuka one.

Authors Post-Rant – 

Okay, that was fun. As I've said (typed?) before, NGE is a tapestry of light and dark. It's quite a challenge to balance the angst with a little humour and romance. Next Chapter will see the further development of our intrepid duo's relationship and I will also continue to involve the other cast members as well, just to develop everything as a whole. Gendou will not be amused.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	11. Eleventh Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant –

Well, we've had our little taste of angst, so now it's back to the romance (sort of). But trust me, as with the series, each successive Angel attack will herald darker themes and elements in the story. Although I'll try to keep things PG-ish and still retain the focus of developing things between our main leads.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Eleventh Refrain – Seeing What Others See_**

**_Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu / Ayanami Residence_**

There were many things Misato detested and answering the door while still getting dressed was one of those pet peeves she had never come to terms with. Opening the door only to find someone you least expected just added to the whole unsavoury situation. "What are you doing here?" Any thoughts of modesty were forgotten in an instant. Misato glared spitefully at her uninvited and definitely unwelcome visitor, unconcerned by the fact that she held her panties in her hand or that her dress wasn't quite covering everything it normally would or should.

Ritsuko arched an eyebrow at the sight of her potentially former friend and decided not to make comment about the woman's indecent state of undress. She instead returned Misato's venomous stare with an affable, friendly smile. "I know we're not on the best of terms at the moment Misato, but if you recall, we do have a wedding reception to attend."

Misato's eyebrow twitched and her fist crushed the delicate underwear mercilessly. "I haven't forgotten." The knowledge that yet another one of her college friends was tying the knot only exacerbated her rage. "But that doesn't explain why you're here?" Misato said, directing her rapidly mounting anger at the elegantly dressed blonde.

Resting a hand on her hip, Ritsuko glanced over Misato's shoulder into the apartment. She smiled warmly at the something inside that had caught her attention. "To pick up my date of course."

"Date?" Misato dropped her panties in shock. Watching Ritsuko smile was enough of a shock in itself. The fact that the woman commonly referred to as a workaholic actually had arranged to go with someone only added to her confusion. "Here? Who?"

Ritsuko's date for the evening suddenly appeared in the doorway next to a still visibly stunned Misato. "I'll only be a little while Ritsuko-san." Shinji said. "Come on in." He offered. Looking at where Misato had dropped her underwear, Shinji momentarily blushed before sighing in resignation. "Misato-san, please be careful with these. They're really fragile and you're always complaining about how expensive they are." He explained, bending down to retrieve the flimsy garment and then pushing the item into her hand.

Normally, the mere thought of handling a pair of female panties would have resulted in severe blood loss and eventual unconsciousness for the young boy, but months of laundry duty had desensitised him to a degree.

Ritsuko checked her watch. "Thank you Shinji-kun, we've still got plenty of time." She answered, stepping past Misato and taking Shinji's arm with her own.

Now that her synapses were finally restored, Misato reacted as best she could given the circumstances.

Badly.

"Shinji-kun?!? Shinji-kun's you're date?" Finding herself standing alone at the apartment entrance, Misato spun around to follow the others inside.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Ritsuko lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, enjoying the soothing aroma. "I wanted to apologise to Shinji-kun for my actions during the last mission. I'm not much of a cook and I don't often have the opportunity to get out, so……." Her response trailed off as she observed Misato deciding to finally complete her ensemble for the evening.

While she didn't need help with the underwear, Misato latched onto Shinji to balance herself while she finished putting her shoes on. The temporary support, looking like he had been forced to endure similar treatment on an all too frequent basis, turned him an interesting shade of crimson while he attempted not to look at what Misato was doing.

"So you decided to ask him out?" Misato frowned.

"He agreed." She shrugged her shoulders. "Sort of." Regardless of her true motives or reasons, Ritsuko did truly want to restore her tenuous relationship with Misato and regain some measure of trust from the Pilots.

Finally managing to complete her outfit, Misato released Shinji, who in turn staggered backwards to lean against the kitchen bench. "Rei, you're okay with this?" Misato repositioned her underwear until she felt slightly more comfortable before turning to ask the girl who had just appeared in the kitchen.

Shinji, feeling slightly light-headed looked for something to distract himself with. The sight of the sexy, older woman shifting her panties and bra was more than his hormonally unbalanced teenage mind could handle.

While he may have adapted to some of Misato's scandalous behaviour he was still male.

Rei paused to calmly observe Misato and the others. "It is of no concern." Her eyes moved between Misato and Ritsuko before finally settling on Shinji. "I have discussed things with Shinji-kun."

"Misato, it's not like I'm going to get him drunk and take advantage of him." Ritsuko protested vehemently, offended that Misato would imply she would try something indecent on the boy.

"Of course you won't!" Misato exclaimed, outraged that the woman would even have the audacity to suggest something so immoral. Why does this all seem so familiar? She wondered. Suddenly she blushed, realising that she had held a very similar conversation with the same woman. Only things had been reversed back then.

Rei walked over to Shinji, who had decided to put the final touches on the dinners he had prepared for both Rei and Asuka. Even though Asuka had declared she was spending the night at Hikari's, it wouldn't be the first time if she suddenly decided to return home without any advance warning demanding an explanation as to why he had failed to prepare her meal. "Shinji-kun, you are not permitted to ingest alcohol." Her eyes once more flickered over to Ritsuko and Misato briefly before returning to Shinji. "Nor will you allow Doctor Akagi to molest you."

Misato burst into laughter while Ritsuko blushed furiously. "Rei, I'm beginning to like you more and more." Misato said, wiping a tear from her eye.

Firmly gripping Shinji's hand, Rei fixed her guardian with a cool stare. "In addition, you will resist any and all further advances Misato-san attempts whilst she is under the influence of alcohol."

***

**_Suzuhara Residence_**

The two teenage boys were spending arguably the best years of their lives doing exactly what they wanted.

Absolutely nothing.

A variety of junk food containers littered the coffee table while they both watched the latest martial arts blockbuster on the television. Had anyone bothered or cared to ask "_How life was treating them?" _they would have replied that life was sweet.

All in all, an idyllic evening. Unfortunately they were both at an age where they were just beginning to realise that there was a noticeable something missing from the overall picture.

Girls.

Popping the lid off a can of soda, Kensuke glanced at his tall, athletic friend. "So, are you going to call her?" His eyes flicked back to the screen just in time to witness the main protagonist defeat yet another enemy in a completely ultra-violent and unrealistic fashion.

Scarfing down another bag of chips, Touji spared Kensuke no more than a few seconds before returning to the action on the screen. "I don't know." He managed to reply around a mouth full of food.

Knowing that Touji was most likely incapable of expending enough brainpower to concentrate on both the movie and the conversation, Kensuke hit the pause button on the remote, freezing the 'hero' in the middle of extracting an enemy's heart with his bare hands. "Man, you told her you'd call her this weekend. In case you haven't noticed, it's the weekend. Girls expect the guy to call when he says he will."

"Yeah I know. It's just……….What do I say?" Touji continued to stare at the screen, hoping for any number of things. Hoping that Kensuke would restart the movie or that the television itself would provide the answers that he himself didn't have.

Deciding to actually help his friend instead of tormenting him, Kensuke leaned back and gave the problem some thought, thinking back over what he had seen and read about the subject to come up with an answer for Touji's problem that could possibly apply to this situation. Unfortunately his collection of military magazines, porn and videos were of little assistance. "Just ask her if she wants to do something tomorrow." He replied. "You know, go to an arcade, the movies etc. Hell, just hang out around the shopping district and have something to eat." Leaning forward, Kensuke realised just how little there was for a young, adolescent couple to actually do in Tokyo-3. Legally anyway.

Touji slowly absorbed the sage advice from Kensuke, mulling it over, trying to make sense of it all. "I guess. Do you think she'd come with me to see Mari?" He sighed. "Mari don't get too many visitors besides me'n Dad. It'd be nice if she had someone to talk to about girl stuff." Occasionally one of her friends from school would visit and it amazed him just how animated and excited his little sister could get when she started discussing things like music, makeup and boys with another girl.

Kensuke thought about the possibility, finally nodding his head. "Yeah, I think the Class Rep'll go with you if you ask."

Touji had to agree. "Yeah." The more he thought about it, the more he realised just how nice of a person Hikari Horaki was. "I hope Mari likes her."

Noticing the glazed look on Touji's face, Kensuke couldn't resist the temptation to mess with the boy's mind. "And then after that you can both go to that new Love Hotel. You know, the one with all the new Theme Rooms." He added conversationally.

Touji smiled, oblivious to the comment. "Yeah, themes………Hey, wait a minute." Grabbing Kensuke in a headlock, he began forcing handfuls of snacks into the boy's mouth.

***

**__**

**_Wedding Reception_**

Misato tried desperately to ignore what was happening before her eyes. Unfortunately, she hadn't had anywhere near the required amount of alcohol necessary. "Would you two stop that!" She spat.

"Whatever do you mean Misato?" Ritsuko asked innocently. Her arm was draped casually over Shinji's shoulder, the slightly off colour stories of Misato's college escapades she had been telling him left the boy blushing a dark scarlet.

Misato looked to the heavens for some kind of answer as to just why she had been singled out for divine retribution. Seeing no answer forthcoming from the ceiling lights, she turned her steely gaze back at Ritsuko. "You know very well what I mean." Misato's eyes moved to Shinji, who still hadn't recovered fully. "Shinji-kun, I'm ordering you to move over here away from that woman of dubious morals."

Ritsuko tilted her head up, smiling haughtily at her lavender haired opposition. "Find your own date Misato." Her arm tightened its hold on Shinji, preventing him from obeying Misato's directive. "Shinji-kun is already taken, at least for tonight."

Before she could unleash another tirade, Misato was silenced by a voice emanating from directly behind her. "Can't you be happy for them Katsuragi? They do make quite a picturesque couple."

"Kaji-kun." Ritsuko's raised eyebrow and faint smile provided every indication that she had suspected that Ryouji had been there all along. "Fashionably late as always."

Still firmly entangled by Ritsuko, Shinji forced a smile and offered a small wave as best he could. "Hello Kaji-san."

Kaji took the vacant chair next to Misato. "Hello Shinji-kun. Still playing the field I see." He winked, smirking broadly at the boy. "Well I wish you better luck than I had with our dear Doctor Akagi. Or are you here with the good Major Katsuragi tonight?" Kaji's arm had somehow managed to find itself wrapped around the waist of the bitterly displeased Misato.

"Pay him no mind Shinji-kun. He's just jealous." Ritsuko finally relented, releasing the poor boy, allowing him some breathing space.

Massaging the ribs where Misato had none too gently elbowed him, Kaji leaned back in his chair. "You have no idea. Your lovely young assistant, Lieutenant Ibuki was only telling me earlier just how much she admires our young hero here." He gestured towards Shinji, who only managed to look confused by the whole conversation. "You should talk to her sometime Shinji-kun. I do believe young Ibuki-chan is quite smitten with you." Naturally, his words resulted in Shinji's confusion evolving into complete and utter embarrassment.

Leaning forward, Ritsuko rested her chin on her folded hands. "And just what else were you discussing with Maya-kun?" While her tone was friendly and conversational, her eyes however, hinted at something markedly different.

Kaji grinned, knowing full well what Ritsuko was driving at. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He responded playfully.

Slamming her drink down in one shot, Misato indicated to a passing waiter that she was ready for another. "It's always one never ending joke with you isn't it Kaji?" Her glare, while different from Ritsuko's, also hinted at imminent danger.

"Only sometimes Katsuragi. Only sometimes." Kaji replied.

Shinji couldn't be entirely sure, but just for a moment, he was certain that he saw something behind the rakish grin and easy going manner that Ryouji Kaji always portrayed. It reminded him of something he once seen behind his father's glasses. A dark resolve that hinted at a willingness to do anything to achieve a desired result.

For the first time since meeting the Special Inspector, Shinji wondered if he even knew the man at all.

***

**_Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu / Ayanami Residence_**

Rei had been staring at the contents of the wardrobe for some length of time now, unsure of the course of action she was about to embark upon. The uncertainty was due mostly to how she expected Shinji to react.

The closet itself was nothing spectacular. Sturdy, functional and up until a while ago, had contained ample space for it's original owner's clothing supplies. Currently while it still had space available inside, it wasn't much. But it wasn't the availability of room that had consumed the young girl for the last hour.

"It is unacceptable." Rei's slight frown disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. She was not one to waste time procrastinating about a problem. Not when decisive action could resolve the issue.

The reason for her displeasure being the order imposed upon the contents of the closet.

Rei sighed. She was quickly discovering that Shinji had an almost obsessive need to maintain the small apartment in a tidy and clean condition. This compulsion was displayed more prominently in their room and reflected even more so in the closet.

Not for the first time, Rei's eyes flickered from the left side of the closet where her own small arrangement of garments were stored, to the right where Shinji kept his own sparse collection. This separation had not worried her at first. It was something minor and inconsequential.

But lately, having to look at it day after day had begun to annoy her. The level of annoyance had built to the point where she now found herself unable to allow the problem to continue.

Intervention was required.

"The problem will be rectified." Reaching inside, Rei began extracting all the clothes, setting them aside carefully. With a blank slate, she methodically began returning the clothing.

"Now it is acceptable." Smiling at the result, Rei stepped back to appreciate her handiwork. What pleased her was the fact that both her clothing and Shinji's were now intermingled, signifying a unification of sorts. Rei had taken great pains to ensure that the 'New Wardrobe Order' did not appear random or chaotic. She was confidant that Shinji would undoubtedly restore things if he felt things were too disorderly.

Satisfied that her clothes would now somehow absorb part of Shinji's essence, and his something of hers, Rei's eyes drifted over to the pair of shorts and shirt she had purposely neglected to return. Her eyes sparkled with amusement. Picking the shirt up, she inhaled deeply, blushing at her actions. "I believe I will bathe and then change into these." Rei murmured to herself, thumbing the soft cotton material.

The concept of taking a bath instead of a shower was also something Rei had now become accustomed to. She enjoyed water. The sensation of floating and enveloped****by liquid fulfilled an almost subconscious need. It was just one of the reasons she swam. Swimming served as an ideal form of exercise, allowing her to maintain an ideal physical condition in conjunction with indulging in one of her more simple pleasures.

"Perhaps I will teach Shinji-kun how to swim." Rei nodded at her logical conclusion. Thus combining her simple pleasure with her defining pleasure.

**_30 Minutes Later._**

Exiting the bathroom, Rei saw no need to dress. She was presently the only occupant in the apartment, and while she had promised both Shinji and Misato that she would refrain from wandering around naked, it only applied while Misato and Asuka were home. In addition the thought of encountering Shinji while they were both unclothed was something she found herself pondering more and more often of late.

Perhaps another 'accident' will need to be arranged. She thought to herself, already planning the execution of such an incident.

Inside her room, Rei walked over to the beds and sat down on the lower bed, "Shinji's bed.", running her fingers over the blanket, Rei laid down and rested her head on his pillow, smiling contentedly. "I sleep with him in this room." Closing her eyes, she imagined his presence beside her, his arms around her. "Yet it is not the same as sleeping with him." Lifting Shinji's shirt up to her face, Rei placed it on the pillow. "Wearing his clothes is enjoyable, but it is not the same as having him with me and holding me" Rei whispered before finally drifting off to sleep.

***

**_Horaki Residence_**

Idly kicking her feet, Hikari sighed. Watching Asuka vent her frustrations on a video game was becoming something of a regular occurrence in the Horaki household. Although the young Class Representative had to admit it was better than having the fiery redhead assault people in real life. "And Ikari-kun is on a date with this Doctor Akagi? And Ayanami was okay with it?" Hikari knew she would feel extremely unhappy if her boyfriend was escorting older, and from what she could understand, attractive women around.

Asuka dropped the game controller in disgust. "The stupid doll just talked about how much she trusted her Shinji-kun. It was enough to make me puke." Watching the young couple was more than enough for Asuka. She had needed to escape for a while and that meant staying at Hikari's for the night.

"I think it's kind of sweet." Hikari countered, her eyes beginning to glaze over.

"Sweet?" Asuka stared incredulously at her friend, unable to comprehend just how she could see anything even remotely '_sweet_' about the situation.

Hikari clasped her hands together, the starry-eyed expression indicating she was lost in a romantic world of her own creation. "Being in the sort of relationship where you can believe that the other person will remain true, regardless of the temptation placed before them. That they'll only be thinking about you." Reluctantly leaving her fanciful dream alone for the moment, Hikari sat down beside Asuka. "You have to admit Asuka, that if your darling Kaj………Asuka? Are you okay?" Hikari became concerned at the sad, almost fragile look she saw briefly on her friends face.

"I'm just wondering what would have happened?" Asuka replied slightly despondently.

"About what?" Hikari asked, worried that something was terribly wrong. Something severe enough to affect Asuka to such an extent.

Asuka shook her head. "No. It's nothing important." She smiled, pushing her thoughts deep into the recesses of her mind to join the other terrors that plagued her every time she closed her eyes.

Before either girl could contemplate things any further, a young child's voice pierced the atmosphere. "Hikari!"

Standing up, Hikari opened the door to see what was happening. "What is it Nozomi?"

Nozomi's reply took on a singsong quality. "There's a call for youuuuu! It's Suzuhara-kuuuun!"

***

**_Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu / Ayanami Residence_**

The sudden ringing of the telephone woke Rei from her slumber. Her brow furrowed slightly at the interruption. The dream she had been disturbed from had been extremely pleasant. Still naked, she walked to the main living area to discern the nature of the call and its caller.

"Katsuragi residence." Rei answered, her expression quizzical while she watched the apartments only other occupant playing one of Asuka's many sensory immersion combat simulators. The sight of the warm water penguin with badly fitting human sized gloves and goggles squawking and jumping about was completely outside her realm of experience and understanding. She knew that the creature would undoubtedly not dare attempt such a thing if the Second Children were present.

Rei had discovered early on after relocating to live with Shinji that the temperamental Pilot of Unit 02 was quite possessive about anything she considered her property.

Rei's attention was immediately focused at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. "Rei, your presence is required." Those five simple words were followed by the disconnection signal, indicating that Commander Ikari had hung up.

Rei stared at the phone before returning it to its cradle. Looking at her only companion, she informed the penguin of her recent orders. "I am required at headquarters." With that done, Rei returned to her room to dress before heading into NERV.

Penpen lifted the goggles from his eyes to watch the young, pale girl leave. "Waarkk!"

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

Walking the streets of Tokyo-3, Ritsuko gazed at the night sky, marveling at the poignant beauty of the stars sprinkled across the heavens. With her never-ending workload, she rarely saw much of the outside world these days. She couldn't even recall the last time she had simply taken a walk to see the sights. Her calm green eyes moved across to observe the two other people enjoying the warm night air. One of the few times that I'd actually appreciate Kaji-kun's presence and he's not here. "Are you alright there Shinji-kun?" She asked.

Shinji was valiantly struggling with Misato's taller mass. Considering the lavender haired Major was barely conscious only made his job more difficult. "I'm fine Ritsuko-san. I've kind of gotten used to this sort of thing." The fact that he had not slipped, stumbled or fallen was testament to his statement.

Ritsuko continued to carefully watch the young boys face, especially his deep, midnight blue eyes. The honesty and sincerity they contained both terrified and tantalised her. "I suppose you would have to. We all adapt to survive." Breathing deeply, Ritsuko suppressed the image of Commander Ikari overlapped with Shinji's gentle eyes that had been appearing more and more often. "Let's take a break."

Shinji missed the look of longing that Ritsuko had directed at him, more from having to cope with an extremely drunk Misato than out of any real ignorance. "I hope Misato-san decides to change into someone who doesn't drink as much." Shinji gently lowered his guardian down onto a nearby park bench, resting her head against his shoulder. Smiling at the peaceful, serene countenance that graced her sleeping features, Shinji carefully brushed a few stray strands of her soft hair from her eyes.

Ritsuko sat down beside him, watching his every careful movement. "Shinji-kun." Her voice wavered slightly, thick with emotion.

Shinji turned to look at the blonde scientist, concerned that something was wrong. "Yes Ritsuko-san?" His eyes widened as he witnessed a glistening trail of tears streaking down her normally composed face.

Dabbing her eyes with a tissue, Ritsuko smiled at the boy. "I think I understand what Misato is always talking about." With great care, Ritsuko leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

Shinji sat there, motionless, silent and unsure of what to do or say in such a situation. The only sign that he was still alive was the sound of his breathing and the rising colour in his face.

Having regained her composure, Ritsuko stood up and straightened her dress. "Don't worry about it Shinji-kun. Let's just get Misato home before she decides to throw up all over you." Her casual smile returned him to his senses.

Shinji slowly managed to get Misato to her feet. "You mean again." He smiled.

Ritsuko's laughter was practically infectious, prompting Shinji to join her. If only I had met someone like you before '_Him_'. She thought as they continued their way home.

Stepping out from the shadows, Ryouji Kaji watched the trio depart. "Sorry for leaving Katsuragi in your hands like this Shinji-kun." His eyes flashed, the pilfered security access card spinning in his fingers. "But I still have things to do."

***

**_Terminal Dogma_**

Having completed the transfer of thoughts and memories into the Dummy System, Rei finished her shower; glad to be wearing Shinji's clothes once again. While she knew that it was irrational, his clothes were comforting and provided a sense of emotional warmth as well as physical. Stepping out into the corridor, Rei found Gendou waiting patiently.

"Will your absence be noticed Rei?" Gendou inquired.

Walking beside the Commander, Rei answered his question. "No Sir. Shinji-kun is accompanying both Doctor Akagi and Major Katsuragi to their mutual friend's reception. They will undoubtedly be returning soon though."

"I see." Swiping his card through the security lock, Gendou entered the elevator first, closely followed by Rei.

Inside the lift, Rei turned towards the man that had raised her and who was, for all intents and purposes, her father. "Commander Ikari?" She asked.

"Yes Rei?" Gendou answered, his eyes shifting slightly to look down at the girl beside him.

Unable to maintain eye contact, Rei's eyes lowered to gaze at the floor. "Did Shinji-kun often suffer from bad dreams as a child?"

"I would not know. I had other concerns." Gendou resisted the urge to smile. Everything was proceeding as he had planned. Soon. He mused. Very soon you will see the folly of your decision.

"He often wakes up screaming. Yet he refuses to discuss the content or cause of the dreams." It distressed her. Even when Shinji did not wake screaming, she often found him trembling during the night, unable to fall back to sleep.

Gendou's eyes narrowed briefly. "Do not allow it to distract you from your duty Rei." He advised coldly. Once the lift slowed and finally stopped, he stepped out through the doors and made his way back towards his office.

Rei watched him leave. "Understood Commander. Good night." Turning in the opposite direction, Rei departed NERV, heading for home to await Shinji's eventual return.

Once inside his office, Gendou locked the door and retrieved a photo from his desk. Placing the frame on the desktop, he folded his hands in front of his face and stared at the image. His dark eyes burning with passion and rage at the memories that constantly plagued his every waking moment.

"Necessity has determined my decisions. I do not regret the path I have chosen."

***

**_End Eleventh Refrain_**

Proof Read and Pre-Read by Tian Xu otherwise known as SuPeRnOvA145.

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant –

As discussed before, Ritsuko isn't falling for Shinji as such.

In the next instalment, more of Gendou's true intentions become known with the selection of the Fourth Children.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	12. Twefth Refrain

**_Evangelion Fanfiction_**

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

It's odd. I keep reading in the forums that people dislike being told that a story is going to have a specific pairing. Is this the case? I guess I really messed up by announcing the actual combinations of this and my upcoming works. I simply thought it easier for those who actually prefer a specific pairing. It has inspired me to attempt a serious story utilising multiple love interests though. (No, not Someday Somewhere. That's my stress reliever)

Live and learn I guess.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Twelfth Refrain – Sacrificial Lambs_**

**_Central Dogma_**

Misato waited nervously. All three members of her team sat concentrating in their entry plugs, each valiantly trying to improve their psychological connection with their respective biomechanical fighting machines.

The bridge crew also kept a close eye on the various data feeds that resulted from the synchronisation test. The high degree of potential danger kept them all alert to any minor fluctuation or warning, memories of the Eleventh Angel and the recent Compatibility Experiment still fresh in their minds.

While vigilance alone would not save them, the precious few seconds it provided could mean the difference between life and a repeat performance of Second Impact.

There was an encore no one was eagerly waiting for.

Leaning over Maya's shoulder, Misato whispered into the young lieutenant's ear. "How are their scores?" While not her only job, part of her work was to provide a suitable 'home' environment to encourage the children's sense of duty and responsibility as vanguards defending the earth and humanity from possible extinction.

Misato's own childhood had been far from ordinary and she had learned quickly thather three teenage-aged Pilots were notoriously difficult in providing for. 

Maya quickly cycled through the latest available information, images of each of the Children flashing up onto her holographic display. The data prompted a whimsical smile from the young woman. "Rei appears to be climbing rapidly. She's already surpassed her previous maximum and is holding steady at twelve points higher. Shinji-kun has stabilised for the moment." Maya was a vocal advocate of the growing bond between the First and Third Children and the marked improvement in both children's scores only justified her support of their budding relationship.

"What about Asuka?" Misato tried to mask her concern but with how things seemed to be gradually degenerating back at the apartment. She hoped that it wouldn't affect Asuka's ability as an EVA Pilot, at least no more than it already had.

Maya accessed Asuka's data log. "See for yourself." She said, pointing to Asuka's psychograph readings.

Misato chewed her lip thoughtfully, deciding on a suitable course of action. Activating the communications link to Unit 02, Misato interrupted the young girls concentration. "Asuka."

Asuka's eyes snapped open. "What is it Misato?" Her eye's narrowed in obvious irritation. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm in the middle of something important." For Asuka, everything else took a back seat to her goal of retaining her title as the best EVA Pilot.

Ignoring Asuka's venomous glare, Misato smiled and gave her a thumbs up. "It looks like you're back to being NERV's 'Number One' again!" She congratulated the young German girl.

Asuka's eyes widened momentarily. "I am?" Quickly recovering from the initial surprise, her normal, haughty expression quickly gained the ascendancy. "Of course I am. It was only a matter of time." She directed her superior smirk at an obviously apprehensive Shinji Ikari. "There was absolutely no way that Baka Shinji could be better than Asuka Langley Sohryu." 

With her ego satisfied by the news, Asuka renewed her efforts, intending to maintain her position now that she had regained what was rightfully hers once more.

Muting the communication link, Maya turned to Misato. "Are you going to tell her that she's less than one point above Shinji-kun? Or that his plug depth is nearly twic-"

Misato shook her head. "Let's not ruin her good mood, it's been a while since she's smiled like that." Asuka without her arrogance was almost as weird as Shinji without his apologies or Rei without her cool detachment.

***

Asuka could barely contain her jubilation. Humming a soft tune to herself she removed her plug suit and gathered her shampoos and soaps for a well-deserved shower. Her attention was caught by the sudden appearance of the First Children, who had obviously just finished her own shower. "Well, Wonder Girl. It appears that Baka Shinji isn't the greatest Pilot anymore." Asuka's grin widened. "Maybe you should run on back to Commander Ikari." Cocking an arm on her hip, she stared down her nose at the blue haired girl. "I mean, what's the point of even pretending to be that pervert's girlfriend if he's nothing more than second rate?" Waving her hand dismissively, Asuka began striding purposely past her colleague.

"You are mistaken Pilot Sohryu," Rei replied, somewhat more forcefully than she had intended. "about many things." Since their confrontation during the Twelfth Angel, Rei had felt a growing sense of unease whenever the Second Children was present. It was much akin to being around a wounded animal. The threat of unprovoked attack had her constantly on edge.

Not expecting a response from the overly recalcitrant girl, Asuka spun on her heels, fixing Rei with a piercing gaze. "Oh, the most serene girl in the world is actually angry. Well, why don't you enlighten me? Just what am I mistaken about?"

Rei matched Asuka's fiery look with one of her own. "I would be wasting my words, Pilot Sohryu." She turned towards her locker to retrieve her clothes. "You only see and hear that which justifies your false beliefs. You ignore all else that denies your perception." Pausing as she dressed, Rei turned to regard the increasingly agitated Second Children. "It is why you fear Shinji-kun."

"Me! Scared of that idiot!" Asuka slammed her palm against one of the locker's in their change room. "What would a stupid doll like you know?" Unable to bear the presence of the detestable First Children, Asuka stormed off towards the showers, muttering obscenities.

Having finished getting dressed, Rei watched Asuka depart. "I know that it pains Shinji-kun to watch you walk your path of self destruction." She whispered, her words ignored by the unpredictable Pilot of Unit 02.

***

**_Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu / Ayanami Residence_**

Fortifying himself with a deep breath and a silent prayer to his long since departed mother, Shinji placed the noose around his own neck and prepared for the fall

"Congratulations Asuka." He exclaimed, attempting to maintain a cool and calm demeanour.

With the way Shinji was sweating, Asuka could feel the fear radiating from the thin, young boy. "What do you think you're doing, Third Children?" Having just finished a relaxing soak in the bath, Asuka had ventured into the kitchen, seeking refreshment. Finding Shinji, clad in his cooking apron, preparing dinner was almost a given. Having Shinji actually speak first was not.

Unable to shake the growing sense of disquiet and unease, Shinji blindly struggled onward, not really knowing how to escape without upsetting Asuka more than she obviously already was. "Misato-san mentioned that you have the highest synchronisation ratio again." His smile, while honest in its intention, failed to impress. "I thought it was a good idea to celebrate," He said, pointing to the slowly cooking filet steaks and steaming vegetables. " and so did Misato-san and Rei-chan." 

Asuka walked directly over to the now visibly shaking young boy. Leaning forward, she backed him up against the bench top. "You make it sound like it's surprising that I beat you, Third Children. Do still think you're better than me?"

Shinji swallowed nervously. Asuka's overly calm voice terrified him more than her furious outbursts ever could. "No. It's not that As-"

Asuka cut his feeble reply, enjoying her intimidating domination of their conversation. "Then what is it Third Children?" No more than a few centimetres separated them now. Asuka could see Shinji's eyes darting anywhere and everywhere, searching for an escape. Placing her hands on the bench, she effectively trapped him, pinning him where he stood. She could feel his trembling. See him perspiring. His fear disgusted her. Where are you now? Where's the Shinji Ikari that beat me so easily?

Leaning as far back as he could, Shinji lowered his eyes, staring at the floor, wondering if that's where he would end up, bruised, bloody and beaten into semi-unconsciousness. "I just thought that-"

Sniffing in disdain, Asuka released her hold on Shinji and made her way to the fridge. Grabbing a can of soda, she turned to leave, heading for her room. "I don't need your sympathy or pity." She growled, not bothering to face him. "I don't need anything from you. Are we clear?"

"I'm sorry Asuka." Shinji mumbled, knowing somehow that he had only further disappointed his roommate, but unsure of how he had managed to do so.

"What was that?" Asuka demanded, still with her back to the boy. "I couldn't hear your feeble mumbling. Speak up Third Children." She declared hotly, her anger rapidly returning.

Shinji sighed, defeated and exhausted "I just wanted to do something nice for you." It seemed every time he spoke with Asuka, it always ended with her hating him just a little bit more and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see an answer on how to rectify things. It's not like she ever really liked me. But things are worse now than they ever were.

"Why do you even bother?" Shaking her head, Asuka retreated to her room, deciding to wait there until dinner was finally ready. "Why do I?" She asked herself, wondering just what it was that kept her at constant odds with Shinji.

***

**_Tokyo-3 _****_Municipal_****__**_High School_******__**

Touji slumped unceremoniously into his seat. With a casual indifference honed by years of practice he lifted his legs and rested his feet on the desk. Looking around the classroom, he saw at least one noticeable absence. "Hey Ken, you seen Shinji?" He asked his companion.

Kensuke replied without even bothering to lift his head from his computer screen. "Not yet. In fact I haven't seen Ayanami or Satan's Bride either." His fingers continued to type at a furious rate, even when he lifted his eyes briefly to grin at Touji. "Do you think there's another Angel attacking?"

Touji found the sound of eager anticipation in Kensuke's voice disturbing. "Somehow I think there would have been an alarm raised if there was." At least he hoped so. He was forced to endure the results of a badly timed Angel alarm every single time he visited his younger sister.

Kensuke began drumming his fingers on the desk, pondering the actual whereabouts of their mutual friend, his girlfriend and their greatest enemy. "Maybe he's spending some quality time with his girlfriends?"

Touji shook his head at the extremely remote likelihood of the three Evangelion Pilots participating in a threesome. "Ayanami maybe, but with how the Devil's been treatin' him this past couple of weeks, I doubt he'd survive the encounter." Asuka's displeasure with practically anything and everything around her had progressed from simply voicing her disgust to the point where she expressed it physically. The main target of her ire being Shinji Ikari.

Resting his chin on his palm, Kensuke closed his eyes, thinking happier thoughts. "Personally I can't see why he doesn't just put the moves on Misato-san." Given the opportunity, it was what he would do. If only NERV would only see reason and allow him to Pilot.

Touji had to agree. "Yeah, now that is some serious piece of woman." To his adolescent mind, Misato encapsulated everything that a woman should be. Shinji's complaints about Misato's supposed personal bad habits were just a sign of how much he took for granted. Or so Touji thought.

"Suzuhara-kun." The sound of a familiar girls voice broke the illusory spell that Misato's name alone could invoke.

Catching sight of a slight twitch of Hikari's eyebrow and how reminiscent it was of a certain red headed demon, Touji tread carefully out onto the figuratively thin ice he now found himself skating on. "Oh, Hi Hora-, I mean Class Rep. What can I do for you?"

"The Principle wants to see you. You haven't done anything bad have you?" Her disapproving frown spoke volumes. Listening to him extol Misato's virtues annoyed her. Were it not for the fact she had a position of responsibility and a reputation to uphold, she may have simply grabbed his earlobe and dragged him off so he could better explain himself.

Realising that the thin ice was now on the verge of breaking, Touji opted for the lesser of two evils. "Recently? No, not that I can think of. Well thanks anyway, I better go see what the old fossil wants this time." With a casual wave Touji bolted from the classroom.

Kensuke smirked. He carefully appraised how earnestly the young class representative's eyes followed the departure of Touji Suzuhara. "You know, Class Rep, you're going to have to drop the whole subtle routine if you really want him to pick up on things." His grin expanded at the young girls apparent embarrassment at being caught out. "Touji's not dense, he just doesn't pay attention to stuff sometimes. Especially with Mari in hospital."

***

**_Central Dogma_**

Even though she wasn't in school, Asuka paid no heed to the fact that she was wearing her school uniform. Most of the important personnel around NERV at least knew her on sight, so it wasn't completely out of place for the fourteen-year-old foreign girl to be seen wandering the corridors of the organisation.

Stopping outside one particular door, Asuka checked her appearance before barging into the office unannounced. "Kaaaji-saaan!" Glancing around, the smile she had purposely used faltered slightly, eventually disappearing altogether. "He's not here." Images of just where the itinerant inspector could be and with whom had her eyebrow twitching. "And Misato wasn't in her office either." It didn't take a genius to figure out that the combined absence of Misato Katsuragi and Ryouji Kaji meant that their one time relationship was undoubtedly back in full swing once more.

Deciding to use Ryouji's absence to her benefit, Asuka began checking through the man's files and documents, searching for anything that might pertain to his hidden desires for a certain red headed Evangelion Pilot.

Instead she discovered something else. Something far more disturbing.

Hastily reading through the file in her hand, Asuka felt a wave of nausea twist her stomach. "Unit 03. Another EVA?' Flipping a page she stared at the attached photo. "Marduk Report ……….. Fourth Children ………… No way."

Dropping the folder, Asuka slowly walked out of Ryouji's office, trying to rationalise the newly discovered information. "Why wasn't I told about this?"

***

**_Tokyo-3 Lakes_**

"I don't know about this Rei-chan." Shinji shivered involuntarily. The large glassy expanse of water filled him with a sense of dread and images of drowning were still recent enough to have him seriously reconsidering this little excursion.

Rei moved closer to the visibly upset boy. Taking his hand in hers, she leaned against his shoulder, enjoying the simple closeness and the fact that they were alone. "There is nothing to fear Shinji-kun. The water itself will not harm you, as long as you remain calm and in case you have forgotten, I am with you." She moved around in front of him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I will not be leaving your side for a single moment." Her eyes twinkled mischievously while she leaned up to kiss his nose and then stepping back to observe the results of her handiwork.

The magazines and television dramas were proving to be a font of useful information about relationships and social interactions between couples. Especially for the socially inept albino Pilot of Unit 00 and her overly shy Pilot of Unit 01

Even though he was entirely comfortable being with Rei, he still couldn't suppress the eventual blush that resulted from her impulsive behaviour. "I'm sorry Rei-chan. I know I'm being foolish, it's just ……." He gulped audibly, his eyes tracing along Rei's outline against the backdrop of the lake's reflective surface.

He had to admit she cut a fine figure in her plain white one-piece swimsuit.

Oblivious to Shinji's gaze, Rei stretched her arms above her head, causing her already skintight suit to reveal even more of her lithe, athletic body. "There is no need to apologise Shinji-kun. You have never learned to swim before. It is only natural that you feel some measure of fear and trepidation." Catching Shinji's look, Rei blushed, enjoying being the focus of his thoughts and desires. "But I will not allow you to come to harm." Rei offered her hand to the sheepish youth.

Taking the offered hand, Shinji allowed Rei to lead him towards the water line. "Thanks Rei-chan."

It didn't take long for Shinji to realise that learning to swim and actually swimming were vastly different.

"Is this really necessary?" He asked, slightly confused with what he was doing.

Rei smiled patiently. "Learning to float is the primary principle behind swimming Shinji-kun. Once your body is accustomed to the immersion in water, you will be ready to learn the basics." She also had to admit that supporting Shinji's body was very stimulating. Her eyes trailed appreciatively over his firm chest, his tight, flat stomach and continuing further along towards his swimming trunks.

With Rei's breasts hovering scant inches above his nose, Shinji could feel his blood pressure diverting around his body. "It's just that ……………." Shinji's voice died off. He followed the focused expression on Rei's face.

Rei gazed openly at the erection beginning to strain Shinji's swimming trunks. "You find this arousing, Shinji-kun?" She had to resist the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch it. Everything she had read, watched and heard about indicated that the object of her attention hidden behind that single layer of material was central to the culmination of a relationship.

Noticing Rei's hands twitching, Shinji panicked.

Not the ideal reaction for someone incapable of even floating unaided.

Eventually making it to dry land, Shinji could only smile despite his brush with death. Dying twice, fighting monsters from heaven, he felt sure that learning how to float was the least of his problems. "You really enjoy swimming, don't you Rei-chan?" He looked over to the girl beside him. Rei's cheeks were still suffused with a healthy red cast.

Gazing out across the surface of the lake, Rei felt a tranquil kinship with the placid locale. "Yes, it has a soothing aspect that calms me." Her eyes drifted sideways to glance at Shinji. "But it is not the only thing I enjoy."

Interested to hear what else his girlfriend liked, Shinji shuffled closer. "What else then?"

Turning to face him, Rei smiled lightly. "Close your eye's Shinji-kun." She prompted.

Closing his eyes, Shinji found himself pushed onto his back, a shape and weight he had come to know all too well holding him in place. Before he could even voice a complaint, the presence of a pair of soft, warm lips pressed gently against his own, silencing any words he may have issued.

Rei leaned back, finding it harder to maintain clear, rational thought. "This is something I enjoy very much. It both calms and excites me." Once again she leaned in softly brushing her moist lips across his, opening her mouth slightly to catch his bottom lip between hers, tugging on it.

"I think I could get to like this too, Rei-chan." Shinji opened his eyes, finding Rei's crimson orbs staring intently at him. His arms, possessed of a life of their own, moved around Rei's slender waist, drawing her closer.

"You will need to. I am unwilling to release you Shinji-kun. You are mine." Rei felt her will slowly drain away. Shinji's cobalt eyes absorbed and consumed her. Had he asked her for anything she would have been unwilling to refuse.

"I'm not intending to go anywhere. Not now, hopefully not ever." His gentle smile provoked a stirring sensation within Rei, one that was becoming more and more commonplace.

"That is acceptable." Closing her own eyes, Rei let her full weight rest against Shinji. Listening to his slow, steady heartbeat, Rei imagined staying like this forever. Held in his embrace, confidant that everything she could ever want was right here.

Shinji continued to watch Rei slowly drift off to sleep. His brow furrowed with unfounded concern and worry. He could barely remember a time when he had been as happy as he was right this moment.

Happiness and joy. Alien concepts he had had little to do with for the last ten years. "I don't know when I'll wake up from this dream Rei-chan, but I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me." With his arms still embracing the girl, Shinji laid his head back to stare at the sky high above, wondering when he would lose all he had gained. Hoping desperately that he was mistaken.

***

**_Terminal Dogma_**

Kouzou hadn't even bothered to check if Gendou was in his office as he entered the Dummy Plug Control Chamber. Gendou had informed him earlier in the day that he would be inspecting the 'System Components'. Finalising his re-reading the report on the selection of the Fourth Children and proposed Pilot of Evangelion Unit03, Kouzou finally looked up to witness Gendou frowning at the numerous replacement Rei's floating in the LCL tank. "The Fourth Children has accepted our offer Ikari. It appears using his younger sister as a bargaining chip was a suitable ploy." Striding towards the man at the far end of the cavernous room, Kouzou placed the report in the brooding man's hands.

Gendou opened the file and quickly skimmed through the key points, nodding in satisfaction at the way his plan was falling into place. "As was expected. His family loyalty will be his undoing." Closing the report he smiled, realising that he was one step closer towards attaining his goal. "It will also provide the ideal staging ground for 'It's' first real test."

Kouzou considered the potential problems arising from the activation of the untested system. "So, do you still intend to test the Dummy Plug?" He motioned towards the numerous 'spare parts' that formed the basis of the program.

"It will be necessary. The Third Children will undoubtedly refuse to fulfil his duty and obligation." Gendou's eyes narrowed. Recently the soulless husks had begun smiling. Originally he had come to gaze upon the instruments of his ambition, purely to regain his focus. Watching the bodies, thinking of them only as tools to be used and ultimately discarded, allowed him to disassociate himself from growing overly attached or fond of Rei. It was why he had discarded the boy so soon after Yui had left. Why he refused to acknowledge the boy as his family, as his son.

He needed Rei bound to his will just like he needed the Third Children to Pilot Unit 01, at least, for now.

Kouzou had noticed the startling changes also. Not an easily frightened individual, he found himself terrified by these developments. "You mean he will undoubtedly be reluctant in taking a human life? Are you that confidant in the system that you can unleash it at such an important juncture?" Scratching his jaw he considered the possible implications. If the core components can display such alarming behaviour, what will the activation of the system actually herald?

"Unlike the Pilot of Unit 01, Rei understands what is required of her." Even with her recent associations with the Third Children, Gendou was confidant that Rei would eventually return to his side. Of course, his plan called for the young couple to suffer a disastrous break up, thus ensuring no further complications. "The system will perform as required. All baseline tests indicate it is ready for activation. What better field test than an actual Angel attack."

Kouzou turned away from the floating shells, unable to stomach the disturbing sight any further. "Have you prepared for the fact that eventually Rei will inform the boy of the Fourth Children's identity?" He asked, his eyes studying the complex transfer device that dominated the centre of the room. "How will he react? We can ill afford Unit 01 going berserk."

"Do not worry yourself needlessly Sensei. It appears Rei is unable to reveal the true depths of her involvement with this organization. She fears that the boy will abandon her and I fully intend to exploit this weakness." Gendou unclasped his hands from behind his back and place a gloved hand on the tank glass. In times gone by, the nearest clone would always mimic the action, but no more. They simply continued to smile. "The Pilot of Unit 01 has served his purpose and is no longer a necessary component." Gendou returned to his original stance, hands clasped behind his back, eyes boring straight ahead, seeing a future and past that drove his present actions.

"And what of the other Pilots?" Kouzou thought he heard Gendou mutter something else but dismissed it. If Gendou felt you needed to know something, he would tell you implicitly.

"Rei will assume the position as Pilot of Unit 01. The Second Children still has a part to play and will continue to pilot Unit 02 until she is no longer capable." All the puppets acting as he predicted.

"So what will you do with the boy?" Kouzou asked dryly, wondering what the man had planned for his own son.

Gendou deactivated the light source in the tank, casting the room into near darkness. Only the numerous LED's prevented the complete and total absence of light. "I have told him before that he will need to stand on his own. He must decide the path he will walk."

"And if it doesn't coincide with our own?" Kouzou asked.

"He will need to assume responsibility for his actions."

***

**_End Twelfth Refrain_**

Tbc

Proof Read and Pre-Read by Tian Xu otherwise known as SuPeRnOvA145.

Authors Post-Rant – 

Short Chapter, I know. But we can't all be literary geniuses. I can barely manage coherent sentences. I'd thank Microsoft for their spellchecker, but I still have some dignity. (Ha. Who am I trying to fool? Dignity? I lost that somewhere in high school.) Tian's the one you should thank for making this story legible. Although the stark differences between Australian and American English are slightly trying but I'll have Tian thinking like a fair dinkum Aussie before he even realises what has happened.

Well, the angst is going to get knocked up another notch (Possibly three or four). It's the appearance of Bardiel, the Thirteenth Angel. Yep. I'm sure we all remember just how dark things got from here on in. Well, I'll be sticking with the dark themes, and yes, it has major impacts (oohh, the author's trying to be funny o) on both Shinji and Rei.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.


	13. Thirteenth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

This won't be a very pretty chapter. In more ways than one. (Grammar, spelling, content etc.) Unfortunately it is more or less a sign of things to come. But I'm sure that any of you who have lived even a little know that life and love are often difficult.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Thirteenth Refrain – Broken Dreams_**

**_NERV Detainment Cells_**

Anger. Wrath. Fury.

Unbridled. Unrestrained. Mounting.

Simple words that could barely manage to describe the maelstrom that was Gendou Ikari. Striding along the corridors of NERV, the rage slowly building with each step taken, Gendou slowly replayed the day's events over and over. Each time, he felt his control waver just a little more. Had he not been as capable of masking and suppressing his emotions as he was, the armoured plating covering the reinforced walls would have buckled and melted under his furious gaze.

The two security personnel flanking his sides wisely kept quiet. Even without the visible signs, they could both feel the palpable aura of menace that shrouded the grim individual between them.

Stopping outside one of the many detention cells, Gendou paused momentarily, unwilling to relinquish his firm hold over his composure. At least for now. "Wait outside and prevent anyone else from entering. I will speak to the prisoner alone. You will ignore everything that takes place. Understood?" The statement carried an obvious '_or else' that could not be misconstrued as a threat._

The two guards snapped to attention, somewhat relieved that they were not the targets of his sinister intentions. "Sir!" The one nearest the door swiped his security card, allowing Gendou access to the individual inside.

***

The LCL had long since dried, matting his fine brown hair into ugly clumps. The plug suit, still encrusted with the yellow/orange goo, felt uncomfortable against his skin, but without access to a shower and a change of clothes, it was better than nothing, but only marginally.

Shinji Ikari had lost track of time, sitting in the darkened room. After being forcibly dragged from Unit 01, he had been summarily thrown into a detainment cell to wait. The metallic bench fitted to the wall was too uncomfortable to use as a bed even for someone with as slight a build as he had, so he sat and patiently waited. He knew he wouldn't be left here to rot. After all, his actions during the aftermath of the battle against Unit 03 or the Thirteenth Angel as it had been designated by NERV practically guaranteed it. He was confidant that no one had ever threatened his father as he had. So it would only be a matter of time before he was most likely hauled before the Commander to explain his actions.

"I wish I at least had my SDAT." He remarked to himself. The small tape player had seen him through many turbulent and unpleasant moments in his life. His life had not exactly been filled with many moments of joy, the last few weeks excepted, but through it all the underlying sense of pain and sorrow had remained, simmering just below the surface.

It didn't matter any more. His mind was made up. He would quit NERV and leave Tokyo-3 for good. Shinji only hoped he could convince Rei to come with him, to leave NERV, to leave his father and everything else behind and start afresh somewhere else.

The door suddenly hissed open, illuminating the small, dark cell. "Father, what do y-" Shinji's shock at the appearance of his father was quickly replaced by pain. The backhanded blow that struck his jaw sent him staggering into the adjacent cell wall and before he had even recovered his senses, Shinji found himself dragged upright by his hair, followed by a closed fist delivered straight to his abdomen that drove the breath from his body.

Then the beating began in earnest.

At some point, Shinji's mind registered that his father was actually speaking to him amidst the flurry of fists he was receiving. Speaking in the low, abrasive tone that he had come to associate with the man that he one day hoped to reconcile with. The possibility of such reconciliation was looking decidedly remote at the moment.

Gendou had long ago admitted to himself that he was ill-equipped to play the part of the single parent, dutifully raising his child until the day came when the boy could stand proudly on his own two feet and proclaim himself a man. Losing Yui had nearly destroyed him and in a very real sense, the man once known as Gendou Ikari had perished that fateful day as well, leaving behind what would eventually become Commander Ikari. 

It was the Commander that had abandoned the boy, intent on protecting what little remained of the man known as Gendou Ikari, at least until the day he could reunite with Yui. But it was Gendou Ikari that now delivered blow after vicious blow, striking the person that had dared oppose him, dared to attempt the self-destruction of his precious Unit 01, the vessel that contained the soul of his beloved Yui.

"Useless child. You truly believed that Rei cared for you?" Gendou knew the rhetorical question would capture the Third Children's attention more so than the punches ever would. "Ignorant fool. Everything that has transpired has been at my direction. I only required you to Pilot, nothing more. To ensure you would do so, I encouraged Rei to play the part of the affectionate lover." Gendou felt the bile rising in his throat. The mere mention of the farcical relationship only served to fuel his insane rage. "Providing you with the necessary impetus to perform your duty and further serve my plan."

Gendou's blood soaked gloves continued to reign down upon the now barely conscious body of his son, allowing no respite, offering no mercy. "But no more. With the successful activation and implementation of the Dummy Plug System, I need not condone your petulant behaviour or your childish antics any further." With his breath ragged from the intense physical exertion, Gendou released his grip on Shinji, allowing the limp body to slump to the hard concrete floor. "Be thankful Third Children. I could simply have you executed for your treasonous actions. Instead I will release you from your obligation here. You can leave, never to return." Within the dark recesses of his subconscious, Gendou felt relieved that the boy would no longer be here. His presence was a constant reminder of all he had lost.

Straightening his jacket, Gendou glanced in mild irritation at his once perfectly white gloves, now dark with blood. "Rei will be overjoyed to know she is no longer required to pretend that she enjoys your company. You cannot comprehend how much it repulsed her to have to be at your side, enduring your foul touch." Standing inside the doorway, Gendou's head shifted to the side, allowing him to watch his son out of the corner of his eye. "Goodbye Third Children. I do not expect we will meet again." With those parting words, Gendou turned and walked out the still open cell door. Leaving the child he had forsaken, broken, lying in a growing pool of his own blood.

With his consciousness fading fast, Shinji watched his father through the one remaining eye that was partially open. Once again, he was being thrown away, left behind. This time the tears that came were not because his only remaining family had again abandoned him. In his mind he was replaying every moment he had joyfully shared with Rei.

Only now his memories were tainted by the words of the Commander. Behind every gentle smile he saw only her disgust. Eyes that had glowed with compassion and desire now burned with contempt and revulsion.

With the last of his strength gone, Shinji gladly embraced the darkness as unconsciousness claimed him.

Outside in the hallway, Gendou stared at the wall; annoyed that he had allowed his emotions to control his actions. It had been a number of years since he had last indulged in such coarse past times.

Man is often unaware of his true capabilities until they are realised with the assistance of rage.

"Have Doctor Akagi inspect the prisoner. It appears he has suffered some serious injuries. It would be remiss of us to leave him in pain."  With his business here finished, Commander Gendou Ikari left to oversee the results of the day. He was a busy man after all.

"At once sir." Both guards replied in unison.

***

**_Office of the Supreme Commander of Nerv_**

Misato was distraught. As soon as she had been able to arrange transport from the now devastated Matsushiro test site, she had returned to Tokyo-3 only to find Unit 00 and 02 out of commission and both Pilots hospitalised, being treated for minor injuries.

Unit 03 was literally torn to pieces, scrap metal and bio-engineered blood and tissue knee deep in the immediate area surrounding the battle zone and It's Pilot, Touji Suzuhara now in intensive care minus an arm and leg. But that was only the beginning.

Misato's thoughts turned to the Pilot of Unit 01.

Her last conversation with Shinji had ended with both of them in tears and Shinji, just having witnessed his friends broken body being lifted out of the shattered entry plug, had ultimately threatened to self destruct the Test Type Evangelion in retaliation for his father's callous behaviour.

With a casual indifference that not many would be able to display given the circumstances, Commander Ikari had put an abrupt end to the very real threat Shinji had made. And now, Misato waited for the Commander to return from the EVA cages where he was currently inspecting the damages sustained by the three remaining units.

She did not have to wait very long.

"Where is Shinji-kun? What have you done with him?" Ignoring the throbbing pain of her injured arm, Misato issued her demand before either the Commander or Sub-Commander had even reached their seats.

Gendou simply crossed his hands and stared through Misato, neither acknowledging her or her question.

"You forget yourself Major." Kouzou replied stiffly. As was his usual practice, he neglected to sit, opting to stand beside his former pupil.

"What have you done with Pilot Ikari, '_Sir'_?" Misato growled sarcastically, gritting her teeth as another searing jolt of agony reminded her that clenching the fist of her damaged limb was not a terribly good idea but it at least provided her with the necessary determination to face both the Commander and Sub-commander.

Gazing down at the disconsolate woman, Gendou waited before replying, ensuring Major Katsuragi understood just who was in control of this little drama. "The Third Children is presently being detained in the detention block. He will remain there for one week to reflect on his actions. After the incarceration period has expired he will be summarily stripped of all status as a NERV employee and released to pursue his own life, away from Tokyo-3." His monotone voice remained low, betraying nothing of his personal feelings.

Gendou's apparent indifference only further infuriated Misato. "You're sending him away? Why?" She demanded, once again conveniently forgetting with whom she was actually arguing with.

"Occupation of an Evangelion. Threatening not only the Command Staff of this installation, but the very population of Tokyo-3 with the self destruction of Unit 01." Gendou's eye's narrowed at this particular offence. His anger still simmered beneath the calm veneer he often displayed. "I have already discussed the situation with former Pilot Ikari and he now understands the error of his actions and realises he is fortunate that no further disciplinary action will be taken. His conduct was severe enough to warrant execution without trial Major, but due to his service record I have decided to be lenient."

Misato could only gape at Gendou, his cold words doing little to assuage her concern. "Is he allowed visitors?" She asked, the fire that fuelled her emotions slowly dying under Gendou's imposing gaze.

"Not at this time." Gendou replied, an edge now beginning to taint his words. A sure indication at his growing impatience.

"Why not?" Unable to concede, Misato pressed her case regardless of the very real promise of swift reprisal for doing so.

Leaning back, Gendou assumed a rigid posture, his eyes bearing down remorselessly at Misato's continued insubordination. "Major, I believe you should worry about the situation we now face. We are presently vulnerable to attack." While he knew the next Angel was coming soon, there was no clearly defined timetable and regardless, there was always the distinct possibility of assault from the various insurgent groups and factions who continued to vocally oppose NERV. "Both Pilot Ayanami and Pilot Sohryu will be unable to return to active duty until the day after tomorrow. Pilot Suzuhara is permanently incapacitated and can be considered as nothing more than a backup."

"But Unit 01-"

"As discussed, the Third Children is no longer part of the Pilot roster. Rei will now Pilot Unit 01, as was originally intended. I suggest you take the time to review the tactical options available to us. You are dismissed Major."

"Yes Commander." Misato's resolve under Gendou's continued gaze didn't waver. Defiantly she matched his steely-eyed look before saluting contemptuously and storming out of the Command Centre.

Kouzou waited until Misato had departed before leaning down to whisper into Gendou's ear. "What purpose does releasing the boy serve, Ikari?"

"We can no longer afford to allow his presence to distract Rei from her true purpose. His absence will be to our ultimate benefit." Leaning forward, Gendou once again resumed his normal posture. "Rei will return to my side. She will understand the folly of allowing her emotions to rule her judgement." Gendou was satisfied that his plan, whilst revised slightly, was still proceeding as he deemed necessary.

***

**_NERV Detainment Cells_**

Ritsuko had barely managed to escape the disastrous activation experiment of Unit 03 in Matsushiro, only to return to find Unit 02 requiring minor repairs and Unit 00 missing an arm. Regardless of her physical state, Gendou required her to commence repairs on both Evangelions.

She still didn't have a complete picture as to what had actually taken place during the activation of the Dummy Plug System but Maya, her assistant, was practically an emotional wreck, Misato was almost as distraught and Gendou……. Gendou had been furious one moment and then not long after had seemingly regained his composure.

Now, at Gendou's direction, she was following a security guard to check on Shinji. This had her a little nonplussed. As far as she could recall, Shinji had suffered little if any injuries during the conflict, aside from the obvious emotional and psychological trauma.

"The Third Children is confined in here Doctor Akagi." The guard motioned towards one of the numerous steel doors. With a curt nod towards his associate, the door slid open and both guards resumed their positions either side of the door.

Ritsuko sighed wearily and shook her head. She could appreciate the need for vigilance when dealing with dangerous criminals but she hardly considered Shinji as someone of that calibre. Stepping into the cell Ritsuko looked at the body of the young boy lying against the wall. "Shinji-kun, are you allri- Dear Kami-sama, Shinji-kun!" While the shadows made it difficult at first to gage the full extent of his injuries, Ritsuko quickly deduced that the unresponsive boy was in need of immediate medical attention.

Carefully touching his face, Ritsuko quickly called for an emergency medical unit. She knew that Gendou would deny the petition to relocate Shinji to a medical ward so all treatment would need to be performed here.

***

**_The Tortured Mindscape of The Third Children_**

It is often remarked upon, that dreams are the one place where any wish can come true.

The old and infirm regain their youth and vitality.

The crippled can run like the very wind itself.

Friends and lovers are often reunited, offering solace to the lonely and bereaved.

In a sense, a world of infinite possibilities limited only by the imagination.

But for an unfortunate few, the land of dreams is not the haven that others willingly embrace during peaceful slumber. In stark contrast to wishes coming true, the horrors of reality are twisted beyond imagining, tormenting the very soul of the individual trapped within a darkness of their own feverish creation.

For Shinji Ikari, dreams had never been a refuge from a world that he feared and despised. The physical pain that racked his body was insignificant compared to the terror that plagued the landscape of his mind.

**USELESS CHILD**

The imposing image of his father standing above him dominated his vision. The dark silhouette only discernable against the surrounding shadows by the reflection off his ever-present glasses.

Shinji's stared blankly at the distorted representation, barely registering it's presence. His normally melancholy blue eyes devoid of life.

**I HAVE NO NEED OF YOU. I NEVER DID.**

Again, Shinji sat there, motionless and unresponsive.

In reaction to his indifference another smaller form appeared beside his father. Obviously female, it's crimson eyes looked down on him with revulsion and disdain, glowing with an intensity meant to burn away the armour Shinji's psyche had erected to protect his diminishing sense of identity.

**I DETEST YOU.**

While his eye twitched, the blank gaze remained static and unchanging. His lips parted slightly as he silently mouthed a word, a name that had come to mean so much in such a short time span.

**YOU REPULSE ME.**

Another twitch, stronger this time, was followed by a single tear escaping the confines of Shinji's eyes. Yet still his cobalt orbs remained devoid of life.

**ONCE YOU LEAVE I CAN RETURN TO MY TRUE SELF.**

The smaller, feminine shadow-Rei entwined her arm with the shadow arm of his father. They both turned to smile at each other before fading from view, leaving Shinji alone in the darkness. Alone with only his broken memories for cold comfort.

"Rei-chan." Shinji whispered, lacking the strength to give true voice to his pain.

***

**_NERV Recovery Ward_**

Grunting in discomfort, Asuka sat up in the hospital bed and clutched her head from the pain. She noticed someone standing at the window, looking out at the Geofront. "Wonder Girl? What happened to you?" Asuka's eye's drifted down to the sling that now supported Rei's arm.

Without bothering to turn around, Rei answered Asuka's question. "Unit 00's arm was forcibly disconnected during the battle." On reflex, her good hand reached up to rub her shoulder, remembering the pain. "I was still synchronised at the time."

"While you were still synchronised?" Asuka could scarcely believe what she was hearing. "Who would order something like that?" She knew that even with the First Children's pitiful synchronisation ratio, the sensation of having even a phantom limb exploding out of its socket must have hurt a great deal.

"Commander Ikari decided it was necessary." Rei responded. "Unit 03 overpowered me and was attempting to contaminate Unit 00." She had to agree with the decision. Considering her genetic heritage, contamination from an Angelic source would have resulted in drastic results.

"What happened out there? My communications system and sensor array were knocked out when I …….." Asuka silenced herself. There was absolutely no chance she would admit that she was defeated. Especially not in front of the doll.

Unconcerned with Asuka's mental turmoil, Rei answered the question. "Unit 01 neutralised the target." Her memories were slightly jumbled. She could recall hearing Shinji-kun declaring he would rather die than kill the Pilot trapped inside the EVA turned Angel. Eventually the pain had overwhelmed her and she had succumbed to unconsciousness, but not before she had heard the Commander order the activation of the Dummy Plug. Rei concluded that the system must have been victorious, otherwise they would all be dead.

Asuka frowned. "Baka Shinji?" She snarled the derogatory nickname. It annoyed her that once again the inferior Pilot of Unit 01 had over shadowed her, had stolen another victory that was rightfully hers, would receive the accolades meant for her and her alone. "Of course. Who else but the one and only-"

Rei decided she did not wish to hear Asuka deride Shinji anymore. Especially if he was not even present to defend himself from her accusations. "Shinji-kun did not willingly participate in the battle."

Asuka's eye's narrowed at the impertinence of the girl. How dare she interrupt Asuka Langley Sohryu. "But you just said that-"

Once again, Rei cut Asuka short. "Unit 01 achieved victory only due to Commander Ikari's intervention." She explained.

"What are you talking about?" Asuka demanded.

Before Rei could inform the Second Children that such information was classified there was a knock at the door followed by the appearance of the smiling face of Ryouji Kaji. "Hello ladies, I sincerely hope you're both decent." He winked at both girls, drawing a slight blush of embarrassment and excitement from Asuka. "If you're both ready, I've been designated to take you home." He proclaimed, stepping into the room now that he had confirmed that both girls were awake and at least clothed in hospital gowns.

Asuka smiled and leapt over to clutch Ryouji's arm. "Kaji-san!" All thoughts of pain and the defeat she had suffered vanished, her adolescent mind focussed on the handsome man.

"Inspector Kaji, do you know what has happened to Shinji-kun?" Rei asked the man as he struggled to calm Asuka down.

Ryouji shook his head. "Not at the moment. Katsuragi's gone to speak to Commander Ikari about it. She said to meet her at her car." He explained.

Asuka tightened her grip and tugged playfully at his arm. "Are you going to visit us Kaji-san?" She asked hopefully. The heavy schedule of school, tests and training drills at NERV and Angel attacks had severely interfered with any free time she had wanted to spend with the elusive Special Inspector and even when she did manage to have the time, he rarely did. At least not for her.

"Well, Katsuragi can't drive at the moment so I've offered my services as your chauffeur." Ryouji winked, idly rubbing his unshaven jaw with his remaining free hand.

Asuka's smile dipped a little. "Oh. Because of Misato." The unpleasant sensation she often ignored now returned to remind her of the gulf that lay between her and Ryouji and of the renewed bond that was steadily growing between the former lovers.

Catching on quickly, Ryouji placed a hand over Asuka's and gently patted it. "Well I don't get to spend as much time with my favourite blue eyed girl as I'd like these days so this seems like the perfect opportunity for us to catch up."

While his words elicited a smile from the young girl, Asuka's eyes betrayed her true feelings. She realised now more than ever that Kaji was only being kind and considerate, as he would be to a younger sister or cousin.

He didn't love her. At least not like she dearly wished he would. Not like she loved him.

"Can you give me a moment Kaji-san. I can't very well go outside looking like this." Asuka plucked at her hospital gown with some distaste.

Kaji bowed deeply. "Of course my lady. I'll be waiting outside." With a flourish, he exited the room leaving the two girls to change.

Asuka watched him walk outside. As the door closed, a terrible wrenching pain tore mercilessly at her chest. Forcing the pain deep down, burying it with the other dark, painful memories that formed the basis of her personality, Asuka straightened her shoulders and moved to change out of the hospital gown.

***

Elsewhere, in NERV's post-operation recovery room, Touji Suzuhara struggled to blink away the heavy fog that clouded his senses. Everything was a jumbled series of fragmented memories and painful sensations.

He could remember his enthusiasm at Misato's presence for his activation test, how she smiled and teased him, trying to put him at ease.

The activation of Unit 03 was successful, he had felt the strange physical and mental connection that Shinji had mentioned and then everything had gone crazy.

Memories of attacking the other Pilot's, his cries for help ignored and unanswered. Everything had culminated in the assault on Unit 01. While he had not been in control, he had been aware of everything that had transpired. He could still remember how it felt to have his hands wrapped around the throat of Unit 01.

Before the drugs claimed him again, Touji wondered if his little sister was alright and who would visit her while he couldn't.

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

A drive in Misato's Blue Renault Alpine was generally a noisy affair. The high revs of the engine combined with the squeal of rubber on asphalt were usually accompanied by the laughter of its regular driver and the screams of terror of any other motorists and pedestrians nearby. The passengers were normally too petrified to utter a sound. Much like now except the usual driver was a passenger and the car was proceeding at the regulation speed limit.

Misato sat in sullen silence, contemplating recent events. She had promised to explain to Rei and Asuka what had transpired and why Shinji was not coming home with them and instead would be staying at NERV Headquarters for the moment. It was a prospect that she was not looking forward to. What was worse was she had deceived Shinji. She had willingly withheld the information on the selection of the Fourth Children from him. Initially it had been to shield him, afraid of what it would do to him. But she now realised the horrible truth. She had been afraid that he would begin to hate her. If the world was coming to an end, the last thing she wanted was for Shinji to despise her and now it looked like it was too late to repair things.

Asuka did not enjoy silence. It often allowed her time to think about things that were best left buried, like now. While it looked like she was just staring off into space her eyes were watching the reactions of the man driving the car. All the suspicions and doubts that had grown since arriving on Tokyo-3 were now coming to fruition. Ryouji Kaji hadn't even spared her a single glance since meeting Misato at the car. He only had eyes for her. The wellspring of fear that she masked each and every day was now bubbling just beneath the surface. Compounding this fear was her continued failure to shine as NERV's elite Pilot. She had been the first to fall, not even lasting a minute against the Evangelion / Angel Piloted by the Dumb Jock. No, Asuka did not like silence but it was far more preferable to the screams her lungs desperately sought to voice.

The absence of noise did not bother Rei in the slightest. Silence and quiet was something she had grown accustomed to over the years. Being raised by Commander Ikari, who himself was a man of few words, had instilled a preference for peace and quiet over the normal rambunctious behaviour of her fellow passengers. But as with the battle against the Twelfth Angel, this particular silence was more foreboding than serene. Something had happened, something calamitous enough to cause the normally precocious Misato to sit in pensive silence. Even the brash Second Children had withdrawn behind her mental barriers, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. 

Turning her eyes back out the window, Rei watched the clean up crews still laboriously clearing away the wreckage that remained of Unit 03 and deep in the recesses of her mind she realised that this was the result of her actions. This wanton destruction was her fault.

Will he despise me for what I have done?

She still worried over the truths she had purposely avoided telling him, fearing his reaction to her origins.

Will Shinji-kun despise me for what I am?

And so they all sat in silence, each reflecting on things that they all feared to give voice to, somehow hoping things could return to how they used to be, knowing that it was impossible. Life simply wasn't that easy.

***

**_End Thirteenth Refrain_**

Tbc

Proof Read and Pre-Read by…….No One! I think SuPeRnOvA145's busy with exam's (either that or he gave me up as a lost cause. I know I did long ago.)

Authors Post-Rant – 

Okay, as promised things look bleak at the moment. That can't and won't be helped. Everything is part of the tapestry I'm trying to weave, so please bear with the emotional trauma and prepare yourself for even worse to come. Although I will attempt to lighten the mood here and there. I'm fairly sappy for a self-confessed self-hate merchant.

BTW – Sorry about the length of the chapter, but I didn't want to overplay the angst card. Not when it becomes more or less the central theme for the next few chapters and as for Gendou losing his self-control, you just have to recall his younger days when he often became embroiled in fights. Given the potential loss of his precious Unit 01 and Yui I like to think his reaction wasn't too far from possible.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	14. Fourteenth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

More angst, though slightly subdued, (I know, I know, I'm trying to get past it but it is part of what made Evangelion so enthralling.) to digest while Shinji awaits his release and Rei, Misato and everyone else tries to deal with how their lives are beginning to spiral out of control. Writing angst is not my forte (some may have noticed that writing period is not my forte) so bear with me while I fumble my way through this.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Fourteenth Refrain – Lying To Yourself_**

**_Nerv Detainment Cells_**

Time.

By definition, an indefinite, continuous duration where one event succeeds another. Each individual's perception, the way they measured this passage of past becoming present whilst waiting for the future was different. Time seemed to be able to slow down where seconds could drag on for hours but also speed up so that days can pass by without our realization.

For Shinji Ikari, time was now a punctual series of delivered meals breaking the prolonged bouts of darkness. The steel door would slide open and a guard would deposit a plastic tray on the metal bench and remove the one left previously. Even if he had been hungry, the unappetising smell and appearance of the meals would have given him pause. As it was, he couldn't really tell whether he was hungry or not. In all honesty he was having trouble thinking, which was something of a relief to his beleaguered consciousness. Thinking about anything in particular was practically the last thing he wanted to do.

All Shinji Ikari really wanted to do was to disappear and never be seen again. To free everyone from the burden he had become in their lives. To die and put an end to all his suffering. 

"Meal time." The guard looked across at the young boy. He couldn't be entirely positive but it seemed that the soon-to-be former Pilot had not moved much the last few days. He knew without a doubt that the boy hadn't eaten anything as the meals remained untouched each time he came to replace them. You'd think they'd at least let him shower or something. It's starting to smell rotten in here. The ventilation system and air purification system dealt with most of the problem but it couldn't completely remove the underlying odour that permeated the air within the cell. The distinct, coppery smell of blood interlaced with stale sweat. Perhaps I should contact Doctor Akagi, she may need to check his condition. With that thought in mind, he exited the cell.

While it was well known that the Commander and his son were estranged as far as most family units went, he didn't want to be held responsible for the boy's possible death while held in custody.

The change from darkness to fluorescent luminescence and then back again didn't even register with Shinji as his mind continued to spiral ever inwards, going deeper and deeper in the vain hope of protecting what little remained of his sanity.

***

**_Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu / Ayanami Residence_**

Misato dragged her sorry self out of bed and began the arduous trek to the kitchen to kick-start the day with her all-too familiar and long-time morning companion. Her morning ritual provided the ideal escape from a painful reality caused by Shinji's absence and a broken arm. It also made lying to herself just that little bit easier and just a little bit more bearable.

Three days had passed since the battle with Unit 03, the Thirteenth Angel, and if those three days were a sign of things to come, Misato knew that she would need to consider buying a majority ownership in Yebisu's parent company to help get her through the remaining years of her life.

Stepping out of her bedroom into the hallway, Misato was greeted by the sight of Asuka in the process of removing the plaque on Shinji's door. In one of her more mischievous moods during better times she had added Rei's name in permanent ink, making it look like a married couple inhabited the small room. "What do you think you're doing Asuka?" She asked.

Startled, Asuka jumped slightly and spun around to face Misato, the plaque now in her hands. "What does it look like? I'm getting rid of this stupid thing once and for all." Having recovered from her initial surprise, Asuka waved the plaque nonchalantly.

Misato's eyes followed the movement of the plaque. "But that's Shinj-"

Asuka stopped waving the plaque and instead dropped it to the floor, stamping on it with her foot. "Baka Shinji's not coming back." She spat viciously. "You were the one that told us that, remember Misato." Her index finger pointed squarely between Misato's eyes. Eyes that still stared in disbelief at the plaque now resting underneath Asuka's foot. "His own father's sending him away for good. The little coward doesn't have to run away anymore. He can go live somewhere where he'll be safe and sound for the rest of his miserable life and not have to worry about any of this ever again." She muttered contemptuously, using her own regret and irritation to fuel her tirade.

"No." Misato whispered, her good hand trembling and her eyes beginning to water at the imagery associated with the fallen plaque. It signified a loss, an emptiness that twisted like a white-hot hook in the pit of her stomach

Asuka stared disbelievingly at the woman, unable to comprehend what she was hearing. "No? Are you trying to tell me that he's still going to live here?" She demanded incredulously, waving her arms around at the small apartment. "In the city where he's crippled his best friend for life?" Misato flinched at the bitter words. "With a father that made it happen?" Asuka's eyes narrowed and a dark frown appeared on her face. "With a guardian that betrayed his trust?" Asuka knew full well that Misato liked Shinji more than her, more than anyone, perhaps even Kaji and her last remark was intended to inflict as much emotional pain as possible. She had heard the rumours. How everyone treated Misato and Shinji as family, almost like an older sister and younger brother. Some of the more salacious innuendo doing the rounds at both NERV and school mentioned a more intimate, personal relationship. Either way, Asuka simply considered it a sign of weakness. She would stand alone, just like she always had. Experience had taught her that family was only there to weaken and betray you.

Misato's shoulders slumped, weary from the emotional burden that was crushing her. She had no answer to Asuka's stern rebuke, mainly because she believed the words herself. She had betrayed Shinji and this was the result of that betrayal.

Taking Misato's silence as affirmation, Asuka nudged the plaque. "Exactly. The sooner we get rid of this, the sooner we can all move on with life, the sooner we can all forget about Shinji Ikari." Closure was exactly what she sought. The sooner she could forget about Shinji Ikari the sooner the quiet, nagging voice in the back of her mind would be silenced forever.

"Put it back Asuka." Misato whispered. She hugged her shoulder with her good arm to stem the trembling she could feel in her muscles as they spasmed.

"What? Weren't you listeni-"

"Put It Back!" Misato snarled, enunciating every syllable, her face twisting in rage. "I won't tell you again."

"Fine, let's turn the stupid, bloody room into a damned shrine. People can come from far and wide and pay homage to the Invincible Shinji-sama, protector of the weak, slayer of Angels. The best ther-"

_**SLAP**_

Misato's hand struck the young girl a stinging blow, silencing her tirade.

"Stop it Asuka." The lavender haired woman muttered, her palm aching slightly from the force of the blow. "Just stop it, please."

Clutching a hand to her darkening cheek, Asuka glared at the older woman, desperately wanting her to drop dead. "I hate you." Asuka hissed before storming to her room, slamming the door shut. Sounds of things being thrown around could be heard from within.

The door was thrown open with such force that it flew off it's guide rail and into the wall, clattering loudly as it fell to the floor. Immediately following the destruction, Asuka appeared with a carry bag slung over her shoulder, her normally radiant features marred by a murderous scowl.

"Oh Kami, I'm sorry Asu-"

Asuka swept past Misato without sparing the woman a glance. "I'm staying over at Hikari's." She declared, slipping her shoes on before opening the door to escape the apartment. "If you need to get in touch with me ………. Don't!" The door hissed shut leaving Misato alone with her thoughts.

Falling to her knees, Misato picked up the object that had sparked the conflict and hugged it to her chest. "My family's breaking apart. Everything's going wrong." In stark contrast to her previous outburst of anger, Misato began sobbing softly.

Pen-Pen eyed his sometimes erratic but mostly affable beer provider. He had observed with some measure of curiosity how swiftly the tall human switched between her serious, mischievous and compassionate personas, but he could not recall having witnessed a display of such raw, painful emotion. Waddling over to where she now sat he rested a flipper on her shoulder, trying to share in a problem he couldn't understand or comprehend.

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

"Damn it Hikari, why couldn't you be there when I needed you to?" Asuka continued to walk the streets aimlessly, wondering when or if she should return to her friend's house or simply find a comfortable hotel room and just charge her stay to NERV. "It'd serve the bastards right if I stayed in the best room at that hotel Baka Shinji was in during Miss Japan Contest." The thought of racking up a huge expense account and simply having Commander Ikari foot the bill was starting to look extraordinarily appealing. "I could invite Hikari as well." Asuka sighed, reconsidering the idea. "If she's been visiting the dumb jock she'll be all emotional about things." While she truly did care about Hikari, she absolutely refused to believe that Touji Suzuhara was any good for the naïve young brunette. Hikari was intelligent, witty and altogether too good for a perverted idiot that could barely count past his I.Q.

Asuka's internal musings about the inequities of life were disturbed by the glimpse of blue hair and pale skin in her peripheral vision.

Wonder Girl?

Walking around the young Pilot of Unit 00, Asuka came to a stop; standing in the direct path of the sun's late morning light, effectively casting her shadow over the quiet young girl. "Well well well. If it isn't the soon to be jilted '_EX_'-girlfriend. What are you doing here Wonder Girl? I thought you'd be at NERV using your body to convince your perverted little boyfriend not to leave."

Rei continued to stare at the unopened book resting on her lap. "Commander Ikari has denied my request to visit Shinji-kun." His refusal had not been overly harsh but Rei knew quite well that Commander Ikari rarely relented after making his decisions known.

With her hands resting comfortably on her hips, Asuka cocked her head slightly to one side. "Oh. The Commander refused his favourite pet. Why didn't you try your charms on the old bastard then?" She asked. "I'm sure you've thought about it before." Asuka flicked her hair back and leaned forward to whisper to Rei. "Or is that why you went after the son? You just got sick and tired of the father?"

Rei's hands gripped the book tightly, the muscles of her forearms rippling from the tension. "I understand your dislike of me Pilot Sohryu. After all, I was the one who rejected your initial offer of friendship and so I can bear you no ill feelings in that regard." Rei rose from the bench and turned to stare directly into the eyes of the Second Children. "But I refuse to listen to you denigrate both Shinji-kun and Commander Ikari." Her eyes narrowed from the anger that was beginning to well up from within at the Second Children's statements. "Commander Ikari has raised me and given my life purpose. I owe him more than I can ever hope to repay." The warm breeze ruffled her already unruly hair, the azure bangs drifting across her pale face but her crimson eyes continued to hold Asuka's azure ones. "And Shinji-kun has given me more than he will ever know. He cares for someone whose very existence is worthless." Having experienced what it was like to have someone place her own thoughts and feelings above their own had affected the pale, young girl immensely. Feelings of warmth, pleasure and desire were now replaced by concern, fear and an almost overwhelming sense of loss with Shinji's absence.

Asuka leaned back slightly at the intensity held behind the surface of Rei's crimson eyes but recovered quickly enough to cover any possible sign of perceived weakness. "Aren't you the talkative one today?" She mocked. "Well I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Once a guy gets what he wants he'll just throw you on the garbage heap and move onto the next one that comes along."

"Shinji-kun is no-" 

Asuka cut Rei's defence of Shinji short. "All men are like that." She stated bitterly, her own eyes brimming with anger and disgust. "You try and try to get their attention but no matter how pretty or how intelligent you are they always end up looking elsewhere." Asuka stabbed her index finger into Rei's chest. "And your precious '_Shinji-kun' is no different."_

During Asuka's outburst, Rei had listened carefully, trying to ascertain the true source of the Second Children's venomous tirade. "Pilot Sohryu, you once asked what it was about Shinji-kun that I found pleasing. I now ask you what is it about him that you despise so much?" Most of Asuka's reactions escaped Rei's understanding. Having lived with both Shinji and Asuka, she had witnessed first hand how deferential Shinji was when dealing with the Pilot of Unit 02. Admittedly he would often avoid confronting Asuka directly, but considering the German girl's aggressive attitude it was no great surprise.

"Because he's a perv-"

It was now Rei's turn to interrupt. "You know as well as I do that Shinji-kun is not perverted, nor does he display behaviour that would qualify him as a pervert." Her studies into the actions and interactions between teenaged people indicated that Shinji was perfectly normal and healthy. She knew without a doubt that he was more than a little interested in her physical form, but he also displayed restraint and respect towards her,curbing his more carnal desires. Rei appreciated his polite intentions but also felt a small amount of regret and confusion that he did not act on his '_improper' impulses._

Asuka's mind struggled momentarily with the words before she regained her senses. "He tried to kiss me in my sleep and he's peeked at me at least once." She felt sure he had done more but she lacked any real, tangible evidence to support her claim.

Rei briefly shook her head, disagreeing with the red heads claims. "Actions that he has explained and apologised for." Rei could recall the conversation where Shinji had explained what had happened. It had surprised her that he hadn't attempted to defend his actions in either instance, instead allowing her to determine her own conclusions. "Interest in the physical form of the opposite sex is only natural at our age Pilot Sohryu. I have often contemplated Shinji's naked body and I do not consider myself a pervert." Her cheeks coloured slightly at the thoughts and images of a naked Shinji.

Backing away in shock and surprise, Asuka starred openly at the blushing First Children. "You've thought about that idiot naked?" In an almost uncontrolled response, Asuka's own cheeks developed a light, rosy hue as her own mind conjured a montage of images of Shinji from her memories.

"You admit that you have never thought of anyone in that capacity?" Rei asked, clearly amazed at the admission. "In all honesty that is what could be considered perverted behaviour."

Asuka crossed her arms and closed her eyes. Her cheeks began burning at the direction the conversation was taking. "So what if I've thought about it?" She huffed, offended by what the words implied.

"Do you consider yourself perverted Pilot Sohryu?" Rei asked.

"Of course not!" Asuka declared, horrified that anyone, even someone as socially inept and ignorant as the First Children, would make such a ludicrous assumption.

Tilting her head slightly to one side, Rei gazed at Asuka in apparent confusion. "Then how can you logically apply the connotation to Shinji-kun?"

"He's a boy; all boys are sick little perverts." Asuka explained, thinking that this simple answer was all that needed to be said.

"Your accusations begin to sound hollow and repetitive Pilot Sohryu." Rei replied. "Surely a college graduate such as yourself can construct a more meaningful argument."

"What do you want to hear from me Wonder Girl? That I know Baka Shinji's not a pervert? Fine. He's not. Okay? Are you satisfied?" Asuka felt her insides knot uncomfortably at the declaration. By admitting that Shinji wasn't a pervert she was effectively admitting she was mistaken in her constant accusations and that perhaps she would have to face the true reasons that drove her to openly declare her hatred of the boy.

"No." Rei replied.

"What else then?" Asuka demanded hotly. Her typically short fused temper was rapidly disappearing.

"I would like to hear your thoughts on why you detest Shinji-kun." Rei knew her motives were slightly more complicated than simply understanding the Second Children. She knew of Shinji's admiration of the fiery girl and hoped to reduce the tension that existed between them. It didn't matter to Rei if Asuka still despised her. As long as she had Shinji, she had no need for anything else, but she knew that Shinji wanted to befriend Asuka, or at least make her less hostile towards him.

"Why bother? It's not like it'll do any good anyway." Asuka's voice lost the edge it had held earlier, now sounding tired and weary. "He's leaving."

Rei knew of the Commander's intention to expel Shinji from NERV and Tokyo-3, she simply could not understand how Commander Ikari could follow through on such a statement. "I believe the phrase is '_Amuse me'_, is it not?"

Asuka glared at the pale girl for a moment before replying. "You know something Wonder Girl? For a doll, you can be pretty stubborn when you want to be."

"I only desire to understand your actions Pilot Sohryu." Rei answered. Her own stare intensified before she continued. "And for your information, I am not a doll."

Asuka waved her hand dismissively as she walked past the Pilot of Unit 00. "Sure, sure. Whatever you say First Children. Let's get something to eat, I'm starving." Asuka began striding towards a nearby café, intent on filling the aching emptiness she felt inside with warm food.

***

**_Office of The Supreme Commander of NERV_**

Entering the Commander's office, Ritsuko compared it to walking into the cavernous lair of a mythical demon lord. Only instead of some fiendish monster from the twisted imaginings of the deranged waiting to devour her body and soul, there, seated at his desk was Gendou Ikari. The man who, for all intents and purposes, already owned her body and soul and was undoubtedly far more malign than any devil could ever be.

"Commander, the recent activation tests using the Dummy System and Simulation Plug indicate an increased incompatibility with Unit 01. At it's present rate of degradation, the MAGI predict Unit 01 will fully reject the signal inside two weeks." Closing the topmost report in her hands, she looked across at the man, hoping to see some hint of a reaction to the latest news. "Ultimately we won't even be able to establish a basic nerve connection." The remainder of the report she held was not particularly promising. The Simulation tests were already showing an activation rejection error using the Dummy Plug System. The MAGI's extrapolation also indicated that utilising Rei instead would only improve things marginally.

"The application of the Dummy System is essential if we intend to succeed." Kouzou's brow furrowed at the implications. "It appears she is reacting to recent events Ikari. Perhaps you should reconsid-"

Gendou interjected, effectively silencing his confidant. "Yui was often tenacious about things Fuyutsuki, but she will not refuse me forever." His head tilted slightly towards Ritsuko before speaking. "Doctor Akagi, you will begin preparations for an activation test with Unit 01."

Ritsuko frowned, wondering if the man had even listened to her. "But the system is becoming unstable." She placed the report on his desk so he could verify her findings for himself.

Pushing the folder towards Kouzou, Gendou kept his gaze focused on Ritsuko. "We will use Rei, Doctor. Have Pilot Sohryu standby in Unit 02 as a precautionary measure."

"Understood Commander." Ritsuko paused. The muted lighting in the office made it almost impossible for her to see Gendou's eyes and gauge his reactions. "There is one other matter that requires your immediate attention." Her fingers tightened their hold on the remaining folder in her hands.

"Proceed." The low monotone hinted at a slight impatience with the blonde scientist. Gendou detested procrastination. If decisive action was necessary, he would do what was required regardless of the cost to himself and to others. He expected similar efficiency from those around him.

Clearing her throat, Ritsuko continued. "It appears the Third Children is slipping into a vegetative state." She placed the documents on his desk, next to the other one. "I suggest we relocate him to an observation unit to try and-"

"Very well Doctor, I shall leave the detainee's recovery in your hands," His voice did not shift beyond it's normal tone an yet it somehow became increasingly malevolent. "but understand this, by the end of the week, irregardless of his physical or mental state, he will be removed from Tokyo-3 and relocated elsewhere. This organisation does not have the time or resources to waste on traitorous invalids."

Inclining her head, Ritsuko turned to leave. "Understood Commander. If you will excuse me, I have an activation test to arrange."

"Doctor." Gendou said, causing the woman to halt. "Ensure that all security protocols are maintained while the Third Children is receiving treatment."

Understanding Gendou's directive meant Shinji would not be allowed to receive visitors during his brief reprieve, Ritsuko nodded her head in reluctant acknowledgement before exiting the office to prepare for the unscheduled activation test.

Kouzou grimaced at his former pupil's final parting comment before turning to gaze out the large tinted windows. "Man is often forced to make decisions knowing full well that he will eventually regret them one day."

Opening the report, Gendou stared at the images taken from the security footage. "Instrumentality will free us from the shackles of regret and sorrow."

***

**_A Little Tokyo-3 Cafe_**

Asuka grinned as the perky young waitress delivered the hamburger she had specifically ordered be cooked rare. Very, very rare. "Not hungry Wonder Girl?" She asked sweetly, hoping the albino would find the sight and smell of the undercooked meat nauseating enough to leave her alone.

Rei glanced momentarily at the very nearly still bleeding food, suppressing her initial distaste and revulsion. While she consciously chose to refrain from eating meat and meat by-products, she did not begrudge those that indulged their carnivorous instincts. "Not at the moment Pilot Sohryu. I will eat once I return to the apartment." With Shinji still detained, it meant she would be preparing her own meals as she had politely refused Misato's offer to cook. Her experiences with the lavender haired woman's more interesting culinary creations were things she did not relish the thought of repeating ever again, even if her own skills in the kitchen were lacking.

Asuka shrugged her shoulders. It was no concern of hers when and what the albino ate. "Your loss. So what should we talk about?" She didn't really feel like '_amusing_' the First Children but was at a loss until she decided what to do about a place to stay for the night.

Rei quickly considered how best to approach the situation. She knew it was futile to try and press the Second Children for information that the easily angered girl would be unwilling to divulge or would simply not accept on a conscious level. "That is entirely up to you. I only seek to understand."

Asuka took another bite of her hamburger, chewing slowly while she stared out the window at the passers-by. "You just don't get it do you?" She said after swallowing. Her gaze shifted back towards the blue haired girl "Sometimes there are no simple answers. Sometimes people just hate because they want to. Because it's all they have."

"You do not believe that though, do you Pilot Sohryu?" Rei asked, carefully observing the mannerisms of the redhead as she spoke. "You strive for independence thinking that if you rely on those around you, they will weaken and betray you." Rei decided to play her trump card and push the Second Children off balance and out of her comfort zone. "Much as your parents did." Rei braced herself for the possibility of a physical assault. The Second Children's psychological profile suggested that it was an extremely likely possibility.

"What do you know about that? Did Misato tell you?" Asuka's eyes flashed with more than just her normal intensity. Her relationship with her family was her business. No one else's, especially not the girl sitting opposite her right now.

Rei felt somehow relieved that their discussion had not degenerated into something either girl would end up regretting. "I have read your file Pilot Sohryu. Your past, while tragic, should not control your present or determine your future."

Asuka pushed her half eaten meal aside and leaned across the table. "My past is my business First Children and I suggest you keep your nose out of my present and future," Asuka's voice dropped to a low whisper as her eyes burned dangerously, "if you know what's good for you."

With a composure that could make a statue seem impulsive, Rei patiently waited until Asuka was sufficiently calmed down enough before continuing. "You misunderstand me Pilot Sohryu. I do not seek to antagonise you. I simply believe that it is central to the problem at hand."

"Oh. And what problem would that be, pray tell?" Resting an elbow on the table, Asuka casually propped her jaw with one hand while the other began tapping a repetitive staccato on the table surface.

"Even now you refuse to accept that it alters your judgement. Your actions, your words are all tainted by the memories you refuse to release." Rei's discomfort began growing as the conversation continued. The lack of progress being made was annoying and although she felt ill equipped to convince the stubborn Pilot of Unit 02 of the problems that were effectively controlling her life; she was determined to lift the veil that coloured her perception. "Until you face this you will make no progress. You will continue to despise and fear everyone who would only seek to help you."

"Help me!" Asuka burst into raucous laughter that drew surprised stares from both the employees and patrons of the upmarket establishment. "I don't need any help Wonder Girl. Not from anyone, especially not from a freak like you."

"You are mistaken." Rei corrected. "I do not seek to help you Pilot Sohryu. It is Shinji-kun that I desire to help."

"Why? Why would you bother?" Asuka disliked being confused. It implied a lack of understanding or intelligence, something she knew she had in abundance. Yet all of her dealings with the First Children left her feeling as if she was speaking with someone who knew all the answers to all the questions before she had even voiced them.

"Shinji respects you and considers you a friend Pilot Sohryu." Rei explained. "You are important to him and Shinji is important to me. Therefore I have decided to repair the rift that exists between you."

"What are you talking about?" Asuka asked. The uncomfortable presence in the pit of her stomach that she had been doing her best to ignore suddenly intensified.

"Shinji cares for you Pilot Sohryu. He has told me so himself. And I ……. I care for him." Rei felt her chest constrict. She recognised that her feelings for Shinji were growing rapidly and it frightened her. In a short amount of time he had come to mean more to her than he probably realised. "I do not wish to see him suffer."

Beneath the table, obscured from view, Asuka's hand balled into a tight fist. The aching sensation was almost unbearable now. "And look where it got the two of you. Do you know he threatened to detonate Unit 01?"

Rei nodded her head, confirming she knew of Shinji's actions that had resulted in his incarceration. "Yes, I have read the report."

Leaning back in her chair, Asuka sipped her juice and studied the girl sitting opposite her. "What do you think would have happened to us if he had?"

"We would have perished in the resulting explosion." Rei admitted uneasily.

Asuka stared at the girl's straightforward answer. "And you still claim he gives a damn about anyone?" Asuka struggled to comprehend how the First Children could accept it so calmly.

"His actions were, in part, caused by the injuries suffered by one of his closest friends, injuries he blames himself for." Rei felt the stirrings of guilt. She could not blame Shinji or Commander Ikari for what had happened. The Angel had to be defeated at all costs and Shinji had to survive. Her doppelganger serving as the core inside the Dummy System was acting with her mindset, her mental structure. If anyone was at fault, she knew without a doubt she had no one but herself to blame

"Exactly Wonder Girl." Asuka agreed. "Friends, family? They only serve to weaken you. I learned that if I wanted to get anywhere in life I'd have to do it on my own."

"Even if it means you must deny yourself the friendship and companionship of others." Rei asked. Her own experiences, while limited, had illustrated just how hollow her world had previously been.

"I don't understand you Wonder Girl." Asuka replied, stirring the ice of her drink.

"That is acceptable Pilot Sohryu. I do not understand you either." Rei conceded.

"And I still don't like you, you know?" Asuka added, almost as an afterthought.

"Understood. I am not fond of you either." Rei felt a sense of relief and accomplishment. Perhaps it was true that she would never be on friendly terms with Asuka but they at least had reached an understanding of sorts through their mutual dislike for each other.

Asuka glanced at her half eaten meal and wrinkled her nose. "Gott in Himmel, I could go for some of Baka Shinji's cooking right now." Asuka smiled at the subtle hidden meaning contained in the obscure confession.

Rei smiled briefly, interpreting the true intent of Asuka's last statement. "As could I Pilot Sohryu."

As the two young girls sat there contemplating what should be said next, both of their cell phones began ringing. Checking the small display revealed that their mutual presence was required at NERV.

"Well, time to go to work and earn the money they don't pay us." Asuka gathered her things and moved to pay for her half eaten meal.

Walking beside her, Rei considered the statement uttered by the Second Children. "I do not understand the reference Pilot Sohryu."

Asuka chuckled and slowly shook her head. "I didn't expect you to." Once the young woman behind the counter handed back her NERV identity card, Asuka walked towards the exit, glancing over her shoulder at her quiet companion. "Let's get moving, there should be a security goon waiting nearby to take us to NERV." The constant observation provided by NERV's own Security and Intelligence division was not just to protect the lives of the Pilot's. It also served to have the Children ready for transport to headquarters as quickly as possible.

The ride back to headquarters was a silent affair providing ample opportunity for Asuka to think about the truth that she had withheld from the blue haired First Children. Why do I hate him so much? Her eyes looked out at the scenery, not really seeing any of it. Because every time I look at him I see everything I hate about myself.

***

**_Terminal Dogma_**

Ryouji Kaji looked out across the golden lake at the large, crucified torso. He knew the sigil of seven eyes on the mask that covered the creature's face all to well. As a spy for the Committee known as SEELE he had access to a vast array of information. This however, was contained nowhere in any of the information he had managed to secure from SEELE, NERV and the JSSDF.

"Adam?" His gaze moved from the hidden face to the disturbing site of the angel's lower body and the continuous stream of orange-yellow fluid that drained into the huge lake. He couldn't see any resemblance between this being and the embryo he had delivered to Commander Ikari. "How did they manage to control its growth and regeneration?" His eyes lifted to the large double-pronged spear embedded in the pale chest. "Is that the chain that binds you?" He asked the immobile creature.

Walking over to the lake edge, he dropped to his haunches and looked at his reflection in the golden surface. "I wonder how the Children would react if they knew that the Link Connected Liquid they breathe in when they Pilot was actually Angel Blood." His casual smile changed to a dark frown and his eyes lifted to once again consider the white Angel fixed to the large Red Cross. "Something doesn't feel right. This place, the lake and the cross, it all feels ……….. ancient." Ryouji dropped his cigarette and ground it out under the heel of his shoe before kicking it into the LCL. "Perhaps there's more to this than meets the eye." Pulling a creased and folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket, Ryouji glanced over the words scribbled over it. "Dummy Plug System. First Children. Why is Ikari so damned protective of her? What relevance does she play in all this?"

With a final glance at the ominous cavern and it's single captive, Ryouji shoved his hands into his pockets and strolled casually out the way he had come completely unaware that his every movement was under observation.

***

**_End Fourteenth Refrain_**

Tbc

Proof Read and Pre-Read by SuPeRnOvA145. He admits he went easy on me for this chapter, but any mistakes are still mine. (The biggest one being my attempt at writing) Once he clears his hectic Mid-Terms (Ahh, college life during exams) he'll undoubtedly return to his lost cause of trying to improve my literary skills.

Authors Post-Rant – 

Normally I don't like writing angst, probably because I'm lacking in any redeeming literary qualities. Don't worry; the romance component of the story will gradually begin to reappear (I hope) but not just yet. I may have mentioned it before but I'm a sucker for that sort of thing, even if my sense of humour is slightly skewed.

I realise it's been a while between updates (I'm presently in a writing slump so this trend will unfortunately continue) and I had given serious consideration to just leaving Fanfiction writing altogether (Ignores the applause).

I would have lasted around eight months writing EVA Fanfiction. Not all that impressive (A bit like my writing actually). It was actually a recent '_friendly_' discussion with my Ex about my fear of commitment that convinced me to persevere with this.

Shameless advertising – 

EVAMADE.COM. The rising force in Evangelion Fanfiction, discussion etc.

All Shinji / Rei fans should also head over to Ayanami-chan's Site – Tales of Apartment 402

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	15. Fifteenth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

Okay. I'm persevering through writer's block (and the obvious lack of talent) at the moment, so don't expect miracles (even if it is the dawning of a new year). I've even begun work on a couple of other Evangelion Stories to see if that helps break the drought. In case you're wondering and I know this will undoubtedly annoy/upset/outrage some of you, but one of them will actually be a Shinji / Asuka story. (One of the others is a completely AU Fic while the last one is more of a look at the Shinji / Misato relationship)

**Author begins dodging all dangerous implements thrown in his direction** - Play nice children or I'll make this story a Shinji/Kaworu fic.

I believe that a successfully written S/A pairing is considerably more difficult than S/R, simply because I'm still trying to decipher what it is Shinji and Asuka can actually offer each other that will assist each other in overcoming their personal demons. I don't know how other people manage it. But don't worry, as some of you may have guessed, I am quite the fan of GAINAX's azure haired beauty and I will undoubtedly return to writing S/R orientated stories (hopefully) in the not so distant future. Perhaps a tragic Darkfic. ^-^

We'll see how things go. I still have quite a few chapters of this to finish yet. (I only hope I have what it takes to accomplish it)

**_All That I Am_**

**_Fifteenth Refrain – Seeing, Believing and Understanding_**

**_Central Dogma_**

Chewing her lip, Ritsuko quickly began organising her thoughts on how to effectively minimise the time required to run the surprise activation test ordered by Gendou. Entering the control room, she was hardly surprised to find her younger assistant, Maya Ibuki, lost in the work that she had delegated to the sometimes overly industrious lieutenant. Maya was obviously too engrossed in her duties to even notice Ritsuko as the blonde scientist walked over to stand beside the competent technician. "Maya-kun?" She said seriously, startling the young brunette.

Blinking in surprise at finding her mentor standing beside her, Maya blushed at her own ignorance for failing to notice the presence of the older woman. "Yes Sempai?" She managed to stutter.

With her eyes automatically scrolling over Maya's work, Ritsuko smiled inwardly at the finesse her young protégé displayed and the apparent lack of errors in the programming code. "I need you to do something for me and I need you to be very discrete about it." While the Commander had insisted that all security protocols remain in place, Ritsuko was confidant that he was referring primarily to Rei and Misato.

"Of course Sempai." Maya replied. While she lacked the high level of security clearance that her Sempai did, she did have access to certain information and tasks that were still considered too classified for most NERV personnel.  "What is it?" She asked, wondering what it was that was obviously unsettling her normally stoic superior.

"I need you to go and arrange Shinji-kun's transfer from the Detention cells to the Medical Observation Unit." Ritsuko had considered going herself but she needed to focus her energies on the tasks at hand. Activation tests normally had days of planning and verification procedures for practically  every detail no matter how minor or inconsequential and at best she had a matter of hours. "And Maya-kun," she said, her voice quietly serious, "you have to make sure that no one else discovers the truth about his condition."

Maya's resolve wavered slightly. She had been unable to forgive herself for the activation of the Dummy Plug System during the battle against the Thirteenth Angel, even if it had been at Commander Ikari's direct order and had ultimately saved all their lives. Compounding the problem was the fact that Shinji had been effectively incarcerated following the battle, another thing she felt partly responsible for. As a result, Maya had recently found herself thinking more and more about the softly spoken young Pilot. "Has something happened to Shinji-kun?" She asked, her mind already creating a host of unpleasant possibilities that consisted primarily of Shinji purposely injuring himself in a failed suicide attempt.

Ritsuko felt her normally rigid façade crack slightly at the memory of the unsavoury truth of the situation. "The less you know the better. I'm sorry Maya-kun but I don't have time to go into details." She said evasively, handing over the authorisation documents. With one issue resolved, Ritsuko turned to begin the lengthy preparations that were required to safely activate the unpredictable Unit 01. "I need you to go and oversee things and then report back as soon as possible. We've got a lot of things to get through."

"Is something happening Sempai?" Maya continued to inquire, somewhat confused by Ritsuko's apprehensive demeanour.

Sighing more from the demands that were being placed on her rather than her subordinates ceaseless questioning, Ritsuko looked back over her shoulder at the confused young woman. "We have an activation test for Unit 01 and 02 to arrange."

Had it been physically possible, Maya was certain her jaw would have unhinged and fallen through several layers of reinforced plating. "So soon? But we need more time, surely the Comm-"

Ritsuko slammed a palm down on an adjacent desk in frustration. "We don't have time and standing here talking about how much of it we don't have isn't helping." Taking a deep breath, she paused to regather her composure before continuing. "I'm sorry Maya-kun, I didn't mean to snap." Rubbing her temples, Ritsuko smiled wanly at Maya, hoping to ease the tension of the moment.

"That's alright Sempai." Maya said, shaking her head from side to side. "It's not your fault. I'll be back as quickly as I can." She called out as she hurried out the nearest door.

Unable to resist, Ritsuko chuckled at the sight. To her eyes, it looked like a slightly giddy young woman running off to meet with her boyfriend for a passionate rendezvous. "Thank you Maya-kun." She whispered to herself before turning to begin the arduous task that still lay before her.

***

**_The Tortured Mind Of The Third Children_**

Sitting on a rock outcrop, Shinji stared out over the expansive view that dominated his field of vision. The clear, blue sky, the lush, verdant forest and crystal clear lake barely registered in his mind. Even the way the light sparkled as it reflected of the surface of the water couldn't ease the pain that clutched his heart.

"Why are you crying?" A child's voice asked from beside him, breaking the façade of peaceful solitude.

"I'm not." Shinji answered, not even bothering to turn to face his unexpected guest. "Not anymore anyway."

"Not out here." The boy replied, walking around to stand in front of Shinji. "In there." He said pointing at Shinji's chest.

Shinji stared at the child, placing the boy's age at about three or four. What intrigued him the most was how familiar the child looked. He was certain that he had seen the young boy somewhere before. "What are you talking about?"

"I can hear you." The boy frowned, staring at Shinji as if he were at fault for the disturbance and simply too dense to understand this simple premise.

"Who are you?" Shinji asked. A nagging sensation of familiarity was skirting the fringes of his memory. "You look familiar."

"We have met before." The boy admitted. "If you think about it, you'll remember." He said before sitting next to Shinji and gazing out at the water's surface, a look of apprehensive fascination on his face.

Still examining the child's face, Shinji finally remembered where he had last seen this child. "The Twelfth………You were there………With me when I ……." His voice dropped to soft whisper. "Died." He continued to gawk as the boy nodded once, confirming Shinji's discovery. "You're me."

"The you that exists inside." Stretching his legs out, Child-Shinji smiled sadly at his older counterpart. "The you that you refuse to let go of."

"Why are you here?" Shinji asked. "Maybe I've gone insane." He whispered to himself, wondering if it was that bad a thing. Or have I died again? He thought, trying to decide whether this was a blessing in disguise.

Child-Shinji shrugged his shoulders. "I told you. I heard you crying."

"Baka Shinji's always crying." A harsh voice interrupted. "If he's not crying he's apologising. It makes me sick."

Shinji gaped, nonplussed at the sudden appearance of the familiar young girl dressed in her favourite yellow sun dress. "Asuka?"

Flicking her hair back, Asuka walked over and poked him in the chest. "Always backing down. Always running away. Always giving up." With each subsequent statement her index finger jabbed just a little bit harder into his body, causing the confused young Pilot to wince.

For once, Shinji found himself looking directly into Asuka's clear, sapphire blue eyes. Simply too shocked to remember to look away. "How can you be here?" When Asuka refused to answer him, he looked at his former self for an explanation. "What's going on?" 

"She is the Asuka that you perceive." The boy offered, only adding to Shinji's predicament.

"Shinji-kun." A voice said from behind him. A voice he was very well acquainted with. A voice he knew almost intimately. A voice that caused his heart to skip a beat.

Shinji's eyes widened at the sound of his name. "No." He managed to say, his voice choking slightly from the constricting sensation that was now making it hard for him to breathe. "I don't want to see this." His hand slowly curled into a fist, the joints cracking and popping from the pressure. "I don't want to see her. Not again. Please. Not again." He whimpered, drawing his knees up and leaning his face into them.

"How can you see when you refuse to even look at what is there." His younger self chided from beside him.

Shinji could hear the disappointment and reproach in the small boy's voice but it didn't matter to him. "BECAUSE IT HURTS!" He shouted, his pained voice muffled by his legs. "I'm sick of being hurt. Everything hurts." Moaning, Shinji curled himself further into a ball. Hoping that it would somehow protect him from the very things that now haunted him. "Why can't they just leave me alone?" He whined, hoping that this was simply another bad dream and that he would wake up any time soon to an irritable Asuka and hung-over Misato.

"Perhaps Asuka is right. Maybe you really are an idiot." The child sighed audibly.

"Hahahahahahaha." Shinji threw his head back, erupting into hysterical laughter. "My own mind is agreeing with Asuka." He shook his head, chuckling at the irony. "I must have gone insane. Either that or I've died and this is hell. What next?" He asked, wiping a tear from his eye. "Will she call me a pervert and slap me about a little?" His smile shifted quickly into a dark frown. "Perhaps my father will turn up and express his '_gratitude_' again."

"Shinji-kun." The soft, feminine voice repeated.

Covering his ears and closing his eyes, Shinji shouted for all he was worth. No longer caring if anyone thought poorly of his childish antics. "LEAVE ME ALONE! GO BACK TO MY FATHER. GO BACK TO YOUR PRECIOUS COMMANDER." Drained from the emotional outburst, Shinji slumped forward, staring at the ground in utter defeat. "Just go and leave me alone."

"Did it mean so little to you?" Child-Shinji asked.

"Are you still here?" Shinji muttered. "If you're me, you should feel the same. She betrayed me. Betrayed us. She was just using me. Just like everyone else." He could feel the bile rising in his throat at the thought of being continually used and abused by those closest to him.

"Was your belief that weak?" His younger self persisted.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. JUST TELL ME!" Shinji screamed, his lungs burning at the effort. "Please." He pleaded of his child self. "Tell me what I should do." 

The younger boy shook his head, his cobalt eyes filled with a deep sorrow. "No one can tell you a truth that you already know and yet refuse to acknowledge."

Shinji stood up and clutched his head as wave after wave of searing pain shot through his skull. "I don't understand……..I don't understand why everyone hates me…….Why won't anyone like me?" Walking forward, his steps faltered and he tumbled forward landing heavily against the ground. "Am I so horrible that they want to hurt me?" Rolling up into a foetal position, Shinji began sobbing. "Misato-san? Asuka?" His surroundings gradually vanished, leaving only a small child standing in the void looking sadly at the fallen boy. "Anyone? Please tell me."

***

**_NERV Medical Facilities_**

Maya Ibuki did not consider herself an exceptionally strong willed person. She often weighed her own her own abilities against those of her colleagues, especially those of her Sempai's and often found herself falling short of her ideal. Arriving to collect Shinji, she had expected to find the young man silent and dejected from the recent, traumatic events. She even expected him to perhaps tell her that he hated her for what she had been forced to do during the battle against the possessed Unit 03.

What she least expected was to find a near comatose Shinji, still dressed in his Plug Suit, encrusted with dry LCL and his face covered with bruises that were only just now beginning to fade. Only her shock at the sight kept her from breaking down.

Now she walked beside the gurney as a medical team transported him to the secure observation facilities for treatment. As they neared the medical ward, Maya noticed Shinji twitching slightly. Thinking that perhaps the boy was regaining consciousness, Maya squeezed his hand affectionately, intending to ensure that the first thing he saw was someone smiling and genuinely happy to see him.

Her smile rapidly changed to a look of horrified concern as Shinji suddenly convulsed, his back arching painfully and his mouth thrown open in a silent scream. "Shinji-kun? Shinji-kun! Doctor! What's happening to him?" Maya felt his hand grip her own and for a brief moment she feared he would crush her hand, but strangely enough, while his entire body was rigid and the muscles straining from the tension, he merely continued to firmly hold her hand. Tears began flowing from her eyes as she watched him endure whatever it was that tormented him.

The medical team quickly began checking his vital statistics, before resorting to having to sedate the boy. "Without a thorough examination the only diagnosis I can postulate at the moment would be he's experiencing something similar to an epileptic seizure." The Doctor quickly ensured the boy wasn't about to swallow his own tongue and then checked his eyes and pulse before barking his orders to the orderlies to prepare the necessary equipment required to assist in the boy's treatment. "It's not surprising really considering what he's undergone up until now." He sighed before regaining his calm, professional state of mind. "Now if you'll please excuse us Lieutenant," He said, noting the insignia on her uniform, "we have to prevent the possibility of any further damage."

Realising she still had a hold on Shinji's hand, Maya blushed and released it reluctantly. "Will he be alright?" She asked, her concerned eyes trailing the gurney as it disappeared through a set of doors.

The Doctor placed a compassionate hand on Maya's shoulder and gently squeezed. "I should have a definite answer for you in a little while. Try not to worry about it too much. He's got the best medical people and facilities at his disposal."

"I…… I have to get back to work." The words came hesitantly. Maya felt uncomfortable leaving the poor boy alone, knowing that none of his friends or defacto family would be allowed to see him.

The Doctor nodded, understanding the constraints that most NERV employees worked with. "I'll notify you if there are any……..positive developments Miss…..Uhmmm." His voice trailed, waiting for her to supply the answer.

"Ibuki." Maya replied automatically.

"I'll contact you as soon as I have any news Miss Ibuki." As he watched the young woman leave, he smiled. "Your girlfriend is quite the looker Mister Ikari. You may not want to keep her waiting too long or someone will undoubtedly try to steal her from you." Sighing wistfully at the trials that young lovers often had to face, he turned to check on his most recent patient.

***

**_Pilot Change Room_**

The arrival of the two young female Evangelion Pilot's at NERV headquarters had been a quiet and sombre affair. Both Rei and Asuka had too much on their minds to consider even the simplest of conversations although admittedly most discussions between the First and Second Children contained very little in the way of pleasant, friendly dialogue.

Rei's introspective thoughts were diverse and scattered. The inability to remain focused on the upcoming activation test of Unit 01 had her worried. Commander Ikari had often expressed the need for her absolute concentration, dedication and commitment to not only EVA, but also his plan for Third Impact. If I fail to activate Unit 01, she pondered, will I be replaced?. Entering the Pilot Change room, Rei glanced briefly at the dividing curtain that normally separated the two girls from Shinji. I would no longer be with Shinji-kun. Her brow furrowed as she began removing her clothes. Will my replacement assume my place at his side?. Hanging her clothes up in her locker, Rei paused. I am myself. My replacement will not be me.. Rei unfurled her Plug Suit and lifted the baggy, latex-like material up. I cannot fail. Pressing the decompression switch on her wrist, the loose fitting suit quickly conformed to her lithe body. I will survive. I will not relinquish what is mine.

Lost in her thoughts, something she often tried to avoid, Asuka failed to notice the brief appearance of discontentment and subsequent determination suddenly flash across the pale features of the girl beside her. The discussion she had held with the albino earlier had woken some of her more distasteful memories. Memories not only from her childhood long ago, but also of recent times. I don't have time for this, I have to Pilot and prove to them all that I'm still the best. Dumping her carry bag in the bottom of the locker, Asuka removed her dress and grabbed her Plug Suit. I won't fail next time. I'll defeat the next Angel single-handedly. I'll show them they don't need to rely on Baka Shinji or Unit 01.. Her normally animated features stayed flat and lifeless as she struggled to convince herself that she wasn't weak and that she didn't need anyone. I'll show them what a true Evangelion Pilot is capable of. With a deep breath, Asuka decompressed her suit, closed her locker and turned towards the girl beside her. "Well then Wonder Girl, Commander Ikari must be serious about getting rid of Baka Shinji if you're going to be the new Pilot of Unit 01." The frightened, angry child was pushed deep inside as the mask that Asuka often used to disguise her own pain and self-doubt slid into place. Eyes that were only moments ago, dull and empty, now sparkled with a carefully fabricated vitality.

"That remains to be seen." Rei replied, taking a seat on a nearby bench to await the call that all preparations were complete. "I have only successfully activated Unit 01 the one time." Staring at her locker, Rei looked at her name. She had often heard people comment that she was similar to her name in many respects. Zero. A nothing given form and a manufactured soul.. Her eyes once again shifted to consider the thin curtain that obscured the empty male section of the change room. Yet when he speaks my name, I feel I can be more than others would think.. "It is not definite that I will succeed again."

"With an attitude like that you'll fail before you even try, Rei." A female voice said reproachfully from the doorway.

Rei tilted her head slightly to consider the new arrival. "Doctor Akagi."

Removing her glasses, Ritsuko spared each girl a brief glance, measuring their composure from their body language. Her keen, analytical mind, coupled together with the detailed information she had available concerning both Pilots, allowed her to scrutinise them far more easily than any psychoanalyst could ever manage. With that one cursory look, she was easily able to discern that neither of them were ready for today's surprise test. Meeting Rei's piercing gaze, Ritsuko decided how best to handle the one part of the equation that Gendou considered more important. "Commander Ikari will be present for the activation test Rei, I'm sure he won't appreciate it if you intend to simply waste his time." Inwardly, Ritsuko blanched as Rei flinched. She felt sullied by using the girl's admiration and respect for her de facto father figure against her, but she knew that they all had a part to play in Gendou Ikari's scenario.

Asuka snorted in annoyed amusement. "Always about Unit 01." She muttered contemptuously, her eyes narrowing in irritation at the blonde scientist. "Has anyone ever told the Commander that he has an unhealthy obsession with that piece of junk?"

Ritsuko shook her head, smiling at the associated imagery of such a situation actually occurring. "You're more than welcome to be the first Asuka." She offered. "I wouldn't recommend it though, the Commander never forgets and rarely forgives." She cautioned the young girl. In Ritsuko's experience, the Akagi family were quite intimate with just how unforgiving Gendou Ikari could be.

"Maybe I will." Asuka remarked casually. "I doubt anyone's ever told the bastard what they really think of him."

"Asuka, don't do anything foolish," another female voice added from outside the room, "and Rei, you'll do your best to activate Unit 01." Misato Katsuragi dressed in her customary short, black dress and red command jacket walked in to stand beside Ritsuko. "Just as you normally would."

"What are you doing here Misato?" Asuka demanded hotly. She had yet to forgive the woman for their most recent argument and was far from happy to have to see or speak to her now.

"My job Asuka." Misato replied calmly. "Even if Shinji-kun isn't here," The lavender haired woman's voice faltered slightly at the mention of the boy's name, "we all still have a job to do, in case you've forgotten." Her dark eyes held Asuka's, neither one offering any ground in the battle of wills they now waged against one another.

"A job we do not receive payment for, is that not correct Pilot Sohryu?" Rei said abruptly, drawing the surprised attention of all three women.

Misato, Asuka and Ritsuko stared at Rei, stunned by her flippant comment, before Asuka began laughing. "You're learning Wonder Girl." Asuka said, slapping the Pilot of Unit 00 on the shoulder as she walked past her and out the door. "Maybe there's hope for you yet."

Rei followed after the departing Second Children. "Hope." She whispered softly to herself. Never having experienced anything other than pain and emptiness until recently, Rei wondered if such a commodity existed.

Ritsuko waited until she was certain that both Asuka and Rei were gone before she spoke. "Misato. I need to speak with you." She shook her head as Misato opened her mouth to speak. "Not here. Maybe after work, we can go out for a couple of drinks?" She asked.

"Sure Ritsu-chan." Misato smiled, acting casually in case the walls had ears. "You know I can't refuse an offer like that."

***

**_The Tortured Mind of The Third Children_**

Sensing a subtle change in his surroundings, Shinji leaned back and tilted his head to see whatever it was that had appeared behind him. With a defeated moan, he closed his eyes and sat back up. "Why are you here again? I thought you left."

"You're killing yourself." The small boy's voice replied.

"Maybe that's for the best." Shinji said. "Father can be rid of me." He said with some regret, knowing that any chance of reconciling with the man that had sired him was even more remote than it had ever been. "Asuka can smile again if I'm not there." He continued to say, hoping that his absence would benefit the high strung German beauty. "Misato-san won't have to worry about me anymore and…………" Shinji's voice faded, the words he wanted to say were unable to form and force their way out.

"And what?" The child-Shinji prompted, trying to encourage his older self to face the truth that he simply refused to acknowledge.

Shinji remained silent for a few moments before answering. "And nothing." His eyes opened to find his young doppelganger standing in front of him, a frown on his face.

"Are you ready to play a little game?" The child asked, the frown becoming serious all of a sudden.

Not understanding what the child's intentions were, Shinji hook his head. "I don't really feel like pla-" His voice caught in his throat as a petite set of feminine hands covered his eyes.

"Guess who?" A soft voice whispered into his ear, the warm, sweet breath tickling him.

"………No…….." He managed to choke, his entire body beginning to tremble.

"She won't leave until you answer." The child's voice stated. "You know as well as I do that she can be extremely stubborn at times."

"Why?" Shinji asked. "You're me aren't you? Why do you want to hurt me?" His voice cracked as he struggled to contain the wracking sobs that fought to escape.

"Do you remember when you asked her why she started playing this little game a while ago?" Child-Shinji asked.

"……….." Still blinded by the hands that he could not bring himself to remove, Shinji remained silent, unwilling to answer the boy's question.

"What was it she told you?" The child's soft voice continued. "I'm sure you remember her response. I know I do."

"She said she simply liked to touch me." Shinji answered, his hand clenching into a tight fist. "And hear me say her name."

"A straight forward, honest answer." The voice agreed. "Even though she was slightly embarrassed to admit as much, she wanted you to know why she started to and continued to play this game."

"But it was all a lie." Shinji heard the bitter sound of his pain at the perceived betrayal he had suffered.

"Was it?" The child asked.

"But father said…….." Shinji found himself unable to repeat the words, the horrible things that had shattered his fragile heart and soul.

"Who do you intend to believe?" The voice demanded scornfully. "The man who abandoned us or the girl that found us." The voice paused, offering Shinji the chance to answer the question, but the distraught teenager remained silent. "I'll ask you again and if you truly wish to leave I won't stop you."

"………" Shinji simply sat there, unwilling to reply.

"Does she mean so little to you? Is your belief in her so weak?" The child's voice now held a slight hint of urgency to it.

"………" Still he remained silent.

"You must answer." The voice was now desperate. "Your time grows short."

"Me." Shinji whispered finally breaking the oppressive silence.

"What?" The child's surprised voice asked.

"I'm the one who's weak." Shinji smiled. "It's always been me." Grasping the small hands that still covered his eyes, he gently pulled them down around his chest. He felt the young girl's body come to a rest against his back. Inhaling deeply, Shinji could smell the tantalising, subtle fragrance of vanilla and orchids that he always associated with her. "I was afraid of what she meant to me. Afraid of what I was to her." His eyes opened to find his younger self smiling at him. "Afraid that I would be left alone again."

Shrugging his shoulders, the child-Shinji spun around and slowly walked away. "That can still happen. Life provides no guarantees."

"But if I can," He gently stroked the forearms that hugged his chest, "I would remain by her side forever."

"You never answered the question." The child threw over his shoulder.

"Do I need to?" Shinji asked as the child began fading from sight.

"Maybe, maybe not." The voice echoed with amusement around him. "Only you can decide that."

"Rei-chan." Shinji rested his head against her slender arm, closing his eyes once again. "I was so stupid and foolish. Will you ever forgive me?" He smiled as one small word was whispered into his ear.

***

**_NERV Medical Facilities_**

"Doctor? The patient……He's stabilising?" The nurse exclaimed, unable to hide her surprise. For the last hour they had struggled to control the seizures that had wracked the young boy's body. Each time he had recovered it began again, worse than before until it appeared his life signs were failing altogether.

The doctor stared at the readings that he was now seeing, amazed at how quickly the patient was recovering. "Continue to monitor his recovery, he's still quite unstable and could relapse at any moment. I have to notify his girlfriend, she appeared quite distressed earlier." He chuckled, relieved that things had turned out so positively.

The nurse frowned. "That wasn't his girlfriend." She answered. "His girlfriend's one of the other Pilot's. That's what I've heard anyway."

"It wasn't?" He asked, confused at what he had witnessed earlier. I could have sworn……. The way she looked at him. Shrugging his shoulders, the doctor stepped back to allow the medical team to tidy things up. Maybe I'm seeing things.

***

**_Central Dogma_**

Misato waited for the LCL to finish filling each Pilot's respective entry plugs before she opened the communication lines. "Are you both ready?"

"Yes Major." Rei replied flatly, her face having returned to her customary emotionless mask.

Asuka simply rolled her eyes, before letting her impatience be known. "Let's get this over with. I still have to find a place to stay."

Monitoring the figures as synchronisation was established between Pilot and EVA, Ritsuko frowned at one display before contacting the Pilot concerned. "Rei? Is everything alright?"

Rei grimaced at the uncomfortable sensation that was needling her mind. "It  is ……difficult. Something has changed."

"Doctor Akagi. What do the MAGI have to say?" Gendou's voice called from his command dais.

Ritsuko quickly ran the collated information through the MAGI, allowing the three super computers to analyse and extrapolate the data. "All three are in agreement. Unit 01 will ultimately reject Rei just as it has the Dummy Plug." Ritsuko relayed to the Commander.

"Is there any way to reverse the problem?" Gendou asked.

"Nothing definite." Ritsuko replied, quickly scanning the report produced by her mother's creation. "Perhaps with a little more time I could isolate the cause. As for reversing the problem………" Her voice trailed off, leaving the answer unsaid.

"Continue with the test." Gendou ordered, leaning forward to contemplate the latest confirmation of Doctor Akagi's previous findings.

"What do you intend to do Ikari?" Kouzou whispered. "We can ill afford the loss of Unit 01 at this juncture. If Rei -."

"Piloting is not Rei's primary purpose. She is the key that will allow me to unlock Heaven's Gate." Gendou watched the purple behemoth restrained in its cage, his thoughts a mixture of loss and need, carefully restrained by an ambition tempered by discipline and patience. "Unit 01 will awaken as is required. I have come too far, sacrificed too much to allow something like this to hinder my plans." His feverish thoughts were already planning just how to accomplish such a feat. It appears Unit 01 and Yui will only accept the boy. Behind his hands, Gendou smiled briefly. Then they shall have him. Rising to his feet, Gendou motioned for his former instructor to follow. "If the Dummy Plug is of no further use, we only need replace the core material with something more suitable."

***

**_End Fifteenth Refrain_**

Tbc

This is a Beta Version Only. SuPeRnOvA145 is undoubtedly enjoying his holidays like so many others. (This miserable wretch included) Once he's done advising me of the annoying typo's I continue to make, I'll re-post.

Authors Post-Rant – 

The whole Maya thing was simply how people can often confuse compassion for something more. I was actually a victim of that kind of misunderstanding myself a while back. (The young lady in question was quite hurt by the fact that I was only being nice and not actually interested in her) Human emotions can be exceedingly difficult to understand. I can barely navigate the treacherous waters of my own mind, let alone attempt to comprehend someone else.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne

PS – Happy Everything Mina-san. Hopefully I will see you all in the New Year. And if you happen to be travelling in Japan come April/May of 2004, look for the tall, blue eyed Aussie enjoying the Cherry Blossom Festival.


	16. Sixteenth Refrain

Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant – 

It's the New Year (Yes I know it was a while ago, but I'm burning candles I and don't have enough ends for the flames.) and unlike most previous years, I actually have a resolution that I intend to implement successfully. (No, I refuse to give up my anime, computers, books or coffee)

Instead of declaring how pitiful I am or how pathetic my writing skills are (self evident as they may be), I intend to concentrate more on the positive aspects of my miserable existence. Me with confidence and self-esteem?!? The last time I actually laughed my family thought something was seriously wrong. Can't wait to see how they handle this.

Perhaps this is just another sign of dementia. Let's just wait and see.

**_All That I Am_**

**_Sixteenth Refrain – A Life Bound To The Past_**

**_NERV Medical Observation Unit_**

Standing silently with his hands clasped behind his back, Gendou watched the extraction of his son from the medical observation unit with some small measure of interest. He knew that ever since his relocation from the detention block earlier in the day, the boy had remained in a comatose condition, responding to little, if any external stimuli. According to the medical reports though, all signs were now indicating his mental and physical state had stabilised sufficiently enough that he would soon regain consciousness. Scrutinising the boy's expression, he contemplated how composed and serene he appeared. A far cry from the nervous fear or vacant apathy that often graced his child's face.

A small smirk lifted one corner of Gendou's mouth. It was not the assumed weakness that he needed from the boy, but his rage. The schizophrenic behaviour the boy occasionally displayed, predominantly while Piloting, would finally be of use to him. By utilising Shinji's personality psychosis, Gendou knew his plan of regaining what he once had, was one step closer to realisation. His ambition of controlling Human Complementation, of re-uniting with Yui would no longer be a morbid fantasy, but the reality he longed for. It was this simple belief that was the primary catalyst motivating him forward, endorsing his actions, forcing him to strive for a future that ultimately only existed in the past.

Beside Gendou, an obviously agitated physician coughed nervously before moving to stand in front of the stoic Commander. "I can't condone this Sir." He said voicing his disagreement while his eyes flickered towards the medical team that was hastily removing the room's sole patient via a transportable life support capsule. "Pilot Ikari has only recently reco-"

Gendou spared the cringing individual in front of him a brief, penetrating gaze, annoyed by the senseless prattle of the man. "Your concerns are noted Doctor." He said coolly, stepping past the Doctor as if to say_ 'You are nothing more than a nuisance, undeserving of my attention.'_

"But He-"

"However," Gendou continued, still walking towards the door, "I will take them under advisement, regardless of how irrelevant they may be." Stopping momentarily, Gendou looked across at his son once again before turning to leave. "Remove the good Doctor." He mentioned in an almost conversational manner, motioning to two of his personal security staff. "He has apparently decided to resign from this organisation."

"Understood Sir." Two of the large, dark suited individuals closed in and grabbed the now panick-stricken doctor, nodding to Gendou before hauling the whimpering man away. 

Gendou shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and moved to leave the room. "Bring the Third Children." He directed the remainder of the security and medical personnel to follow him.

***

**_Tokyo-3 Night Spot_**

"So what did you want to talk about that's so important that you can't say it at work, Ritsu-chan?" In one hit Misato downed her drink, waving the now empty glass at a nearby waitress signalling that she was ready for a replacement. Already she could feel the need to drown the unpleasant emotions caused by Shinji's departure. The realisation that she would never see him, perhaps ever again, hurt more than she would have ever believed or cared to admit. Even the knowledge that he would ultimately be safe and well, living somewhere else was little solace compared to the aching hole in her heart his absence now created. So now, like so many times before when she was confronted by something painful or personal, she washed it away with alcohol, unwilling to face the problem.

"You need to ask why I have to resort to this?" While her response was decidedly flippant, Ritsuko had observed Misato's actions over the past few days and had carefully noted the depression her sometimes erratic friend was slipping into. Sipping her own drink she lit a cigarette and drew deeply, wondering whether Misato was capable of handling the truth of Shinji's condition. She dismissed the idea immediately, deciding that cautionary tactics were preferable to the possibility of having Misato succumb to her despondency completely. "Shinji said to say hello." She remarked casually, one of her dark eyebrows lifting in amusement as Misato sprayed the contents of her second drink, narrowly missing a passing couple.

"You've seen him?" Misato asked, her raised voice attracting the curious glances of several nearby patrons. Noticing the unwelcome attention, she took a few moments to compose herself before continuing, lowering the volume of her voice. "But Commander Ikari told me that Shinji-kun wasn't allowed visitors. How did you get to see him?"

"Commander Ikari ordered me to check on him to make sure he was okay." Ritsuko replied, idly scanning the crowd in the club for anyone that appeared to be a little too interested in their conversation. She knew that Gendou invariably kept tabs on all his staff, especially those like herself that were privy to the true secrets behind NERV.

"He actually wanted to make sure his own son was okay?" Misato struggled to come to terms with the seemingly inconceivable premise. Her only impression of the father/son relationship that the two Ikari's shared, was one of strained tension at best. Since the day Shinji had arrived in Tokyo-3, the man had actually alienated himself even further from Shinji, almost intentionally. "Pinch me, I must be dreaming."

Resisting the urge to comply with Misato's request, regardless of how amusing it would be, Ritsuko instead finished her cigarette, squashing the remaining stub into the ashtray. "I also managed to convince him to transfer Shinji-kun to the Medical Sector." Noting the look of alarm on Misato's face, Ritsuko quickly allayed her friend's fears. "Simply as a precaution." She added, relieved that Misato's expression settled. "Maya-kun's checked on him recently and she assures me he's doing fine, if not a little depressed."

"Shinji-kun depressed. There's a surprise." Misato said smiling sadly, slowly swirling her drink around in the glass. "So both you and Maya have seen him?" She asked, glancing across at Ritsuko, a slight edge developing in her voice.

"Stop sounding like a jealous old woman Misato. It's very unbecoming." Ritsuko leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs, the movement drawing the appreciative eyes of several nearby men and at least one woman at the way her dress slid up revealing her long, shapely legs. "The Commander was adamant that Shinji-kun should remain isolated from '_certain' personnel until he was relocated away from Tokyo-3."_

Misato stared at the amber liquid in her glass, losing herself to the rhythmic motion of the liquid and the soft clinking of the ice against the glass. "I never even got the chance to say goodbye, or to say thank you for everything he did." She murmured softly, recalling Shinji's melancholy face the morning she had left to oversee the activation of Unit 03. "I never got the chance to tell him just how sorry I was." All she had left now was the sound of Shinji's tormented sobbing at what had happened to his friend, Touji Suzuhara.

"Misato, don't make this harder than it already is. We both know that Shinji-kun wasn't entirely happy being here." Seeing Misato's shoulders sag at her comment, she quickly amended the statement. "Yes I'll admit his attitude improved once he adjusted to your more _'interesting' living habits," She paused, thinking back to how Shinji had looked, beaten and bloody, lying in the darkened cell, "but maybe this is for the best." She prayed that by the end of the night, the alcohol's influence would erase the image from her mind._

"And what about Rei? What about Asuka? What about m-" She stopped, her voice almost breaking. Finishing her drink, she closed her eyes, allowing the warm liquid to calm and soothe the pain, just as it always did. "Suzuhara-kun can't Pilot again. Damn, he'll be lucky to ever walk again." After reading the preliminary medical reports, she only hoped that the poor kid would be able to put the incident behind him and not let the reality of his ordeal ruin the rest of his life. "You said yourself that Unit 01 is gradually rejecting Rei. From a tactical standpoint Commander Ikari is committing suicide and dragging us all along for the ride."

"You've grown that attached to him?" Ritsuko nodded her head as a waitress inquired if she wanted the same drink again.

Indicating that she would have the same again also, Misato looked across at her blonde companion. "What are you talking about?"

"About Shinji-kun." She laughed softly, watching Misato turn away, obviously embarrassed by the truth behind the words. "I've known you too long Misato. It's in your eyes every time you mention his name." Ritsuko wondered what it was about the quiet, unassuming boy that seemed to draw people to him. She decided it had to be his eyes, recalling how captivated she had felt, becoming lost in Shinji's sad, innocent eyes.

Still looking off into the crowd, Misato watched the carefree antics of some of the people out on the dance floor, gyrating to the high paced tempo and beat of the music. "He doesn't know how to hide his feelings Ritsuko. He tries to keep it all locked inside," She turned back to face her friend, "but you can see it written all over his face, especially when he's hurting. I guess I just can't stand seeing him like that. Trying to convince everyone that he's fine when he's suffering."

"And what about Asuka? Is she really any different?" Ritsuko asked, inclining her head briefly, acknowledging the returning waitress placing their beverages on the small table.

"Asuka won't let anyone near her." Misato had tried to sympathise with Asuka, hoping to coax the girl out from behind her shell, but all her attempts had been summarily rebuked, especially when Asuka only viewed her as a rival for Ryouji's attention. "Everything she went through hardened her too quickly." Knowing something of traumatic childhood experiences, she could understand and empathise with Asuka's fear and resistance. Afterall, she still hadn't recovered from her own experience during Second Impact. "To help Asuka you'd have to break her shell……….." Placing a hand on her drink, Misato ran the tip of her index finger slowly around the rim, "and breaking her shell…….." She broke off, not wanting to betray her tempestuous young charge anymore than she already had.

"Would break her." Ritsuko answered. "You've been paying attention Misato. I'm honestly surprised." Her own evaluations of Asuka's gradually declining mental state indicated that the Second Children was on a collision course with a complete psychological breakdown unless the young girl managed to break free of the past that was slowly destroying her.

"They may not be my kids Ritsu-chan, but they're my family." Misato resisted the urge to massage the scar on her abdomen. Any mention of family always stirred unpleasant memories that were best left alone. Memories that, even after all the intervening years, festered painfully. "I just wish there was something more I could do."

"There has to be a balance Misato." Ritsuko advised. "At home you can play the part of the big sister, pretending to be their mother, but at work you're their Commanding Officer. At the end of the day you-"

"I know what I have to do." Misato cut her friend off, directing a penetrating gaze across the table. "I'll do my job even if they end up hating me for it." Realising she was taking her frustrations out on someone that was only trying to help and support her; Misato did her best to look apologetic. "Sorry Ritsu-chan, things have just been hectic of late."

"No problem Misato." Ritsuko waved her apology away, understanding something of the pressure that Misato was under. "Looking after three '_normal_' teenagers would be more than I could handle, let alone three teenagers that carried the future of the world on their shoulders." Needing another cigarette, she removed one from her handbag savouring the rich texture once it was lit. "Speaking of our teenaged saviours, where are they?" She asked, not having seen or heard of their whereabouts since the surprise activation test earlier. "Or don't you bother to monitor their movements?"

"Asuka's staying with her friend for a few nights. We had a ………..," Misato reviewed her earlier altercation with Asuka, wondering just how much damage had been done, "slight disagreement earlier today. It'll be a while before she decides to speak to me again. Civilly at least anyway." Smiling she shrugged her shoulders, knowing that it would take more than just time and good intentions to heal the rift that was growing between both herself and Asuka.

"And Rei?" Ritsuko prompted, interested to discover just how Gendou's key to controlling Instrumentality was reacting to the sudden upheaval in her life. Not long ago, she would have delighted in anything that caused the young girl to suffer, believing it to be only fair and equitable considering her own personal plight. But now, with her animosity all but gone, she could finally see that, just like her, Rei was simply another pawn in Gendou's plan.

"Probably sitting at home in her room." Misato answered vaguely. "She's been spending a lot of time there recently. I think Shinji-kun's absence has hit her harder than she's letting on, but it's a little difficult to read her disposition most of the time." Even now, after living with the quiet young girl, Misato still felt uncertain about just what Rei was thinking. The only times she had recognised anything even remotely resembling emotion on the girl's face was when she was with Shinji.

Ritsuko nodded, agreeing with Misato's conclusions. "It's the first time she's ever believed in anyone other than Commander Ikari. It was bound to affect her to some degree." What alarmed her the most was how easy it would be for Gendou to reclaim his rigid control over Rei now that Shinji's interference was removed.

"You really need to work on your compassion you know Ritsuko. You're starting to sound as cold and indifferent as the Bastard himself." Misato growled, the alcohol beginning to loosen her tongue.

"For that last remark," Ritsuko stared icily across the table at Misato, "you can pay the tab for both of us and drag your own sorry carcass home."

***

**_Terminal Dogma – Research Lab_**

Amidst the vast array of technology and hieroglyphics, a small research team worked feverishly on the necessary preparations to commence the transfer of the Third Children. "Sir. It appears there will be problems with replacing the original plug material." The middle-aged man in charge of the team stroked his goatee, frowning at the digital display in his hands.

"How so?" Pushing his tinted glasses back into position, Gendou continued to watch the removal of the Rei clone from the Dummy Plug. The body, barely recognisable amidst the grafted mechanical implants and wiring, was still moving even in the absence of possessing a soul of its own.

Vomiting violently, one of the technicians collapsed to his knees, unable to suppress his nausea at how the clones' body twitched and it's mouth opened in a pained, silent moan as it was disconnected from the plug interface module.

Tapping the display, he passed it to Gendou for examination. "Simply put," he said, pointing to one particular item, "the replacement material's skeletal frame is too large." Turning towards the disassembled entry plug, he pointed to various parts of the plug's internal architecture. "We would have to modify the carriage frame assembly to-"

"Doctor." Gendou handed the display back to the doctor. "I didn't employ you to waste my time. If the material is physically unsuitable, modify it to suit the system." His eyes passed over the remains of what had once been an exact duplicate of his surrogate daughter. Now that it was bereft of most of the wiring and implant connections necessary to link with an Evangelion Insertion Plug, it was nothing more than a horribly disfigured lump of bloody, pale flesh.

"Modify?" He considered the alternative, quickly comparing the pros and cons. "Amputation should expedite the process." He agreed, nodding his head, satisfied with the decision. "We really only need his core central nervous system. Limbs are essentially superfluous. With your permission Commander Ikari."

"Do what is necessary." Gendou said, confidant that everything would proceed accordingly. "I expect you to complete this within the timeframe given." Checking his watch, he noted that it was nearing the time for his scheduled appointment with the Old Men of SEELE. Walking out the door, he missed the pair of crimson eyes following his movements. Had he realised, Gendou would have noticed the intense anger burning furiously inside the clone's unblinking gaze.

The doctor barely heard Gendou's words, having already turned back towards the task at hand. "It may be best to implant the activation interface module into the spinal column before we remove his limbs." He muttered absently to himself, nodding in agreement with his own hypothesis. "Might as well install the cranial meta-links at the same time as well…………." Glancing up he blinked a number of times, confused by the looks of revulsion that marred the expressions of his colleagues. "What are you all doing? Dispose of that," He said with a degree of distaste, pointing at the clone, "and prepare the replacement for alteration." He clapped his hands together, indicating that the rest of the team should hasten their efforts to complete their given tasks.

***

**_Horaki Residence_**

"What's got you so down Hikari?" For nearly the last hour and a half, Asuka had purposely ignored the discontented sighing of her best friend, instead concentrating on the game they were both playing. Considering she knew precisely where Hikari had spent a majority of her day, Asuka had a pretty good idea what was central to the pretty brunette's melancholia. "I thought you said the dumb jock and his sister were doing fine." She added, confident in her assumption.

Thankful that Asuka had finally conceded to ask, Hikari placed her game controller on the floor and leaned back against her bed. "Touji-kun and Mari-chan are both doing fine, but……" Her voice trailed off as she tried to think of the best way to phrase her request, knowing that one ill-phrased comment could ruin any prospect of success.

"What is it Hikari?" With her opponent now motionless on the screen, Asuka abandoned her own controller and stood up to stretch, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'm not really in the mood for '_Twenty Questions'_', so just spit it out."

Even though she had become accustomed to Asuka's direct way of speaking and sometimes-blunt manner, Hikari was still nevertheless amazed by Asuka's forthright attitude. "Touji-kun wanted to see Ikari-kun before he left Tokyo-3." Climbing up to sit next to Asuka, Hikari attempted to avoid sounding desperate, knowing that Asuka would simply refuse her request out of hand for that reason alone. "Do you think Katsuragi-san could arrange it?"

"I'm not really speaking to Misato at the moment," Falling backwards onto the bed, Asuka stared at the ceiling, hoping that Hikari would change the subject away from the immanent departure of Shinji Ikari, "you know that."

"Please Asuka?" Hikari asked, throwing caution to the wind and pleading with the fiery young girl. "As a favour for me. I promise I won't ask you for anything else, it's just-"

Bolting up into a sitting position, Asuka frowned at Hikari. Tense seconds passed as neither girl spoke. "Gott in Himmel." Asuka threw herself back down, rolling onto her side. "Okay Hikari. I'll see what I can do." She looked back over her shoulder, surprised to se Hikari's radiant smile. "I can't promise anything though."

"Thank you Asuka. It means a lot to Tou-" Hikari stopped herself, knowing that the other girl wouldn't appreciate hearing Touji's name under even the best of situations. " It means a lot to me." She repeated carefully, wondering if she had just ruined any chance of receiving Asuka's assistance.

Asuka snorted, rolling her eyes at Hikari's pitiful attempt at deceit. "I just know my life can't possibly get any worse when I start doing favours for someone like Touji Suzuhara." Shaking her head, Asuka slowly began chuckling, unable to restrain herself at the absurdity of the situation.

Watching Asuka laugh, Hikari felt a sense of relief wash over her. Over the last month she had noticed a gradual decline in Asuka's normal behaviour and it had worried her that Asuka was suffering behind a fake smile and a false confidence. But seeing her friend so calm and at ease and actually laughing, she couldn't help herself but join in, enjoying the moment for all it was worth.

***

**_Meeting of The Council of Seven Eyes_**

Seated amidst a circle of dark, looming monoliths, Gendou leaned forward in his seat and  folded his hands in front of his mouth, waiting patiently for the individual seated opposite him to speak. His tinted glasses glowed ominously, the muted lighting inside the room enhancing his already grim visage.

Lorentz Keel watched the younger man carefully, knowing that Gendou was an individual more than capable of obscuring his motives, almost as easily as he did the truth. "Ikari, it has come to the attention of this Committee that you have dismissed the Third Children from your employ." Lorentz hoped to provoke a response that would offer some insight into the man's intentions. "Would you care to explain why?"

"Are you confidant that the remaining two Pilots can successfully defeat the remaining Messengers?" The voice of SEELE 07 asked. "Especially when repairs to the Prototype Model are still incomplete."

"Perhaps he seeks to shield his only child." The harsh, mocking laughter of SEELE 10 was joined by the light snickering from several other members. "Is that your reason Ikari? Finally feeling a sense of concern and obligation towards your son?"

Without batting an eyelid at the insults, Gendou continued to stare across the table at the elderly Chairman, ignoring all other distractions. "The Third Children's continued insubordination was deemed a greater risk than allowing him to continue on as a Pilot." His level response slowly silenced the snide remarks that were being whispered around him. "Both the First and Second Children will be sufficient in destroying the final Angels." His hands obscured the small smile that appeared across his lips. "If it is required, Unit 01 can still be used."

"Even though your last report suggested that the Dummy System had become all but useless with Unit 01?" SEELE 02 asked. "You walk a fine line Ikari. This Committee has invested too much to allow you to do as you please. Failure is unacceptable."

"The Dummy System and its core components are being modified to ensure complete compatibility with Unit 01." Gendou replied evenly. "I will guarantee that if it is required, it will activate successfully."

"Very well Ikari, you are dismissed for now." Lorentz interjected before anyone else decided to continue with further, useless dialogue. "This Committee has business to discuss that does not concern you."

Barely moments after Gendou's image vanished, SEELE 05 launched into his tirade. "He seeks to deceive us Chairman Keel." His voice bellowed furiously. "The latest reports indicate a near complete rejection of both the Dummy System and the First Children with Unit 01."

"What of Agent Kaji?" SEELE 06 added softly. "His latest report was far from satisfying. Perhaps our watch dog is straying from his assigned task."

"Agent Kaji will be dealt with when the need arises." Lorentz answered, tapping a finger on the copy of the report that Ryouji Kaji had submitted to the Ministry of the Interior. "Whether he dies at the hands of Ikari, those fools in the Government or this Committee remains to be seen." The actions of the triple agent still amused him. Rarely did he find an individual willing to sacrifice everything for such a futile cause. "His quest for the truth is meaningless at this point. He will die regardless, a victim of his own curiosity"

"What of the Fifth Children?" SEELE 03 asked, prompting a noticeable silence from the other members. "Is our sacrificial lamb ready?"

"He is already in Tokyo-3." Lorentz smiled at the uproar his reply generated. "He was most anxious to be there." Even though it was far too early for the last Messenger to become an active participant, the boy had requested he be allowed to investigate the situation for himself, something Lorentz had allowed after cautioning him against revealing himself before the appointed time.

***

**_Terminal Dogma - Egg Of Lillith_**

Walking into the large cavern, Rei kept her eyes forward, carefully avoiding eye contact with the large white torso that was impaled to an even larger red cross. Even though it was subdued, she could hear the faint call of the masked being that was for all intents and purposes, imprisoned here beneath the Geo-Front. Finding the person she sought, she focussed on his shoulders and walked across the dark, polished floor, coming to a halt beside him. "Commander Ikari."

Having finished organising his thoughts, Gendou inclined his head to gaze at the pale young girl at his side. "Rei. You will resume your duties Piloting Unit 00." As was often the case, he had no need for subtlety or deception when dealing with Rei. He simply stated his orders and she would follow them, to her death if it was required.

"Understood Sir." Rei replied, knowing that the continued failure of the Dummy System and her own inability to maintain a reasonable Synch ratio with Unit 01 was reason enough. Waiting for Gendou to continue or perhaps dismiss her, she turned her attention to the still surface of the LCL in front of her.

Gendou returned his gaze to the cavern's only other occupant. "The day is fast approaching when Mankind will cast open the door to the Room of Gaf and ascend beyond their physical limitations." All his work, his deceit and betrayal was for this one cause. Instrumentality would remove the fear and mistrust that isolated people from those around them. It would also reunite him with Yui and his son. They would once again be a family, living for eternity without the petty restrictions that restrained and shackled his species. "This is the sole reason for your continued existence. Do not force me to remind you of your place." It had been a long time since he had used such harsh words with the girl, but her actions of late had disturbed the natural order he had worked so hard to create and maintain.

"I have not forgotten." Rei lowered her head, admonished by his words.

"Perhaps, but your '_association_'," Gendou's voice dripped with sarcasm at the word, his ire increasing at the implied relationship that had developed between the two Children, "with former Pilot Ikari and your current living arrangements may affect your judgement and sense of responsibility." Turning from Rei, he began walking towards the nearest available exit. "I believe it will be in your best interests if you relocate to one of the spare living quarters here in the Geo-Front."

Rei lifted her head and turned to look at Gendou's back. "I –"

Pausing in the doorway, Gendou turned to once again look at the girl, satisfied that she now realised her recent freedom was simply an illusion he allowed. "I have already taken the liberty of having your belongings removed from Major Katsuragi's residence. I suggest you retire for the night and prepare for tomorrow." Moving through the door, Gendou allowed himself to smile briefly before leaving to inspect the modifications to Unit 01's new Dummy Plug.

**

Watching nothing, her eyes staring blankly at the wall of her new room, Rei continued to gently caress the shirt that lay in her lap, her fingers slowly tracing along the seam of the material. Thoughts of father and son swelled up within her mind. Thoughts that only added to her present state of confusion and indecision. She knew that attempting to draw comparisons between the two Ikari men was almost meaningless and served no other purpose than to cloud her focus even further. Both Shinji and Commander Ikari were, after all, two completely different people, with different ideals, hopes and thoughts. But regardless of the facts, she could see the similarities that lay beneath the surface of each of them.

Without a doubt, she knew that beneath his timid, gentle exterior, Shinji harboured a fierce resilience and determination that, when provoked beyond all human restraint, made him capable of making the impossible possible.

Paradoxically, beneath Commander Ikari's cold, harsh armour, she now suspected he concealed a fear of life so great, that he willingly isolated himself from everything and everyone. To this end, he had abandoned his only child, not from malice or spite, but purely as a form of self preservation.

The fluorescent light flickered rapidly before dying, casting the room into darkness. My life has always been Commander Ikari's to do with as he pleases. I am the sacrifice that will hand him instrumentality. That will complete mankind's journey. Her hands tightened their grip on the soft fabric of Shinji's shirt. "Yet I find my belief in him………….." Staring around at the small room, she felt a disturbing sensation weaken the most fundamental precepts of her existence. "Wavering."

***

**_Streets of Tokyo-3_**

Moving slowly across the horizon, Zeruel, the Angel of Might, descended towards the cluster of Lillum constructs far below, the Father's presence calling out to him, drawing him onwards towards his destiny. Unafraid and heedless of the fact that many of his brethren had fallen to the mockeries that held Adam prisoner, Zeruel increased his pace, almost eager to test the strength of his soul against the defenders of this city.

With a sudden spark of energy emanating from his eyes, a series of large cross-flares erupted across the surface below, heralding his arrival.

Standing atop one of the many high-rise buildings that littered the Tokyo-3 landscape, a tall, slender young man with platinum, grey hair threw his arms out, greeting the approaching Angel. "Good morning brother." He ignored the ostentatious destruction of the city around him, closing his eyes and spreading his awareness outwards to the Fourteenth Angel. "Welcome to Tokyo-3." Sensing the large, squat Angel's desire to face a worthy foe in combat, Kaworu Nagisa smiled, wondering how his sibling would fare against the combined might of the Evangelions.

A slight frown marred his handsome, almost feminine features. "Your light cries out in agony Shinji-kun." Brushing his hair from eyes, he turned his gaze in the direction of NERV Headquarters. "What causes so fragile a soul to radiate such darkness?" Humming a soft melody Kaworu stepped off the edge of the rooftop, oblivious to the twenty-story fall to the unforgiving pavement below.

***

**_End Sixteenth Refrain_**

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant – 

Not a huge surprise I know. I basically told you at the end of the last chapter that Shinji would become the replacement Core Material for Unit 01's Dummy Plug. I realise that the angst and darkness has carried on for a few chapters now and I promise that things will lighten up soon. I'll even return to the focus of the two main characters of this story as well. Please remember this is the world of EVA. Things were not exactly LSD induced dreams of sunshine and happiness.

#Author sighs#

Those were happier days. My only expectation back then was to be words on a tombstone.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne


	17. Seventeenth Refrain

_**Evangelion Fanfiction**_

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant –

Yes, I'm well aware that my updating has become increasingly infrequent, (Non-existent may be a more precise description), but I AM updating and I do intend to finish this and all my other works ( ;;). Besides, I've got new ideas brewing. Unfortunately they won't see light of day until I finish what I've already started. I REALLY want to post my Shingetsutan Tsukuhime (Doujin Game/Manga/Anime Version)/Evangelion Fusion, but it'll have to wait, possibly for when I'm in my twilight years.

_**All That I Am**_

_**Seventeenth Refrain – Just As It Should Be**_

_**Geo-Front - Aftermath**_

"I never expected we'd sanction the use of the Anti-Angel Intercept System on one of our own." Misato muttered wearily, completely worn out from the events that had resulted in her present situation. For well over half a day now, she had worked in the shadow of the now ominously silent form of Unit 01. Every now and then she found her exhausted dark eyes wandering over to study the dormant monstrosity wondering what would have happened if they had been unsuccessful in halting its most recent berserker rampage. Looking at it now, bereft of its armour, or bindings as she had since been informed, the city's saviour appeared even more grotesque and fearsome than the remnants of the Angel it had recently defeated and partially devoured.

Standing beside the lavender haired woman, Ritsuko evaluated the most recent status reports on the remaining two Evangelions and their respective Pilots. What concerned her most was that both Units 00 and 02 had suffered critical damage well beyond the Henflick limit of sustainable damage and that any repairs would undoubtedly be prohibitively expensive. Even amidst the frenetic clamour of the repair and maintenance crews she persevered with the onerous task and quickly revised the repair schedule of both Evangelions, ensuring the most efficient use of time and resources. "Just be thankful that it worked Misato." Ritsuko managed to reply, her brow furrowed with irritation. While theoretical science was one of the many technical fields she excelled at, she was not exactly thrilled either that the containment system's first actual field test, like so many other things, had to occur during what was essentially a life or death situation.

"It almost worked too well." Misato murmured softly, absently rubbing her injured arm. "As if it were meant just for this sort of situation." Glancing at the blonde scientist, Misato interpreted Ritsuko's silence as an admission that there was more than just a sliver of truth to her assumption. "What happened today Ritsuko?" She asked almost desperately, hoping to gain some insight that would help her somehow understand and accept what had transpired. "The moment Unit 01 was deployed both you and Maya looked startled by something. I want to know what it was that had you worried." With her attention focussed primarily on both Rei and Asuka during the battle, she could only recall snippets of the discussion between Ritsuko and her protégé, but what did ring clear in her memories was Maya's horrified expression and Ritsuko's questioning gaze that she had directed towards the vacant Command Deck.

Thinking back to the display detailing Unit 01's data at the time of its activation, Ritsuko quelled the uneasy disquiet that was nagging at the back of her mind. "Just a slight irregularity with the modified Dummy System Misato. Until I can confirm things, I'd rather not add conjecture and rumour to our growing list of problems." Although even with one hundred percent certainty, Ritsuko wondered just what avenues were available to her. Informing Misato of the truth was out of the question, at least for the moment and it would be pointless pursuing the matter with Gendou. He only shared information if it suited his purposes. Even her relationship with the harsh and often detached man, although she doubted it could even be described as such anymore, had gradually deteriorated to the point where she no longer experienced the euphoria she had once enjoyed when they were intimate together. All that remained now when they coupled was a sense of hollow despair and abject worthlessness that threatened to consume her.

Staring at the ground, Misato ran her fingers through her hair as she whispered the words that up until now she had avoided giving voice to. "Maybe it was for the best that Shinji-kun decided to leave." As much as it hurt to actually say the words, Misato knew in her heart that her former ward would be devastated by the landscape of the Geo-Front right now. "He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he felt he was even remotely responsible for this destruction."

And how would you react, Misato, if I told you that Shinji-kun was responsible? How would you react if you knew what was done to him? Again, Ritsuko decided to remain silent, opting to allow her friend and colleague to grieve quietly while she continued her introspective analysis. I'll have to discuss the situation with Maya. It would be best if she refrains from mentioning anything about what she saw inside Unit 01's entry plug to anyone. Staring up at the exposed core of Unit 01, she tried to imagine just what had happened to Shinji when the synchronisation of the virtual control system he was hard wired into had exceeded four hundred percent.

"Excuse me for interrupting, but I was looking for Major Katsuragi." A cheerful young voice interrupted. "I was told I could find her over here."

"Who's asking?" Misato answered tersely, her irritation with everything that had occurred recently added an angry edge to both her voice and her posture. Her harsh, intimidating demeanour fell away quickly though, once she actually faced the owner of the voice.

Ritsuko on the other hand quickly managed to mask her look of shock by lighting another cigarette and drawing deeply, using the excuse of exhaling the smoke to turn away and calmly regather her composure. _HIM?_ Ritsuko frantically struggled to add this new variable to an already convoluted equation. Why?

"Kaworu Nagisa at your service." In an almost oblivious display of disregard for where he was and what was happening around him, the young, pale boy smiled and moved to stand between the two women, staring intently at the restrained figure of Unit 01. "The Fifth Children."

_**Office of Gendou Ikari**_

"And how do you intend to explain the current situation to the Committee, Ikari?" Turning back from the window where he had been observing the recovery of Unit 01 with intense interest, Kouzou looked back across the office at the room's only other occupant. "I suspect Chairman Keel will be less than satisfied with this latest '_unexpected'_ variation to the scenario." Throughout the battle that had laid waste to not only a large part of the geo-front, but had also destroyed a large section of NERV headquarters, both he and Gendou had stood silently and patiently, watching the devastation unfold as the large purple Test Type EVA had entered the fray.

Gendou continued to stare at the latest report on Unit 01, contemplating its significance. "Keel and the rest of those old fools will care little for what I have to say at this juncture." He replied through folded hands. "When I'm called before the old fools we will dance around the subject, but ultimately everything will continue as is." A small, wry smile materialised behind his gloved hands as he envisaged how the impending meeting would play out. "The Committee will not risk losing everything at this late stage." Unlacing his fingers, he glanced briefly in Kouzou's direction. "Not while I hold Adam, Lillith and the Lance."

Kouzou could only nod in agreement with the younger man's assessment. "And what of your son?" He asked, curious as to what Gendou thought of the latest development concerning the apparent assimilation of the Third Children into Unit 01. "It appears he has become more significant than either of us had anticipated."

"The abstract disciplines were never my forte, Sensei." Gendou replied indifferently. "All of the materials which formed Shinji and that which could be called his soul, still exist inside EVA." Leaning back in his seat, Gendou removed his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. "Although the state of his existence is entirely subjective." Closing his eyes briefly, Gendou could see Yui smiling and waving to both Shinji and himself before boarding the Test Type Entry Plug all those years ago. Blinking the unwelcome mental picture away, Gendou returned his tinted glasses to their correct position, quelling the sentimental reaction that was always invoked when he recalled the past.

Kouzou weighed up Gendou's words, before returning his attention to the repair efforts continuing outside. "Was this your intention? Or Yui-kun's?"

"It was nothing more than a vain and foolish hope." Thinking back to the early days of the Research Institute for Artificial Evolution and the formative years of GEHRIN, Gendou recalled how both he and Yui had agreed that they had to prevent her father and the Committee for Human Complementation from realising their plans of implementing and controlling the Instrumentality of Mankind. He could still remember how passionately Yui had advocated the concept of Artificial Human Evolution, arguing that it was a necessity essential for the advancement of humanity. And crucial to her version of the Human Complementation Project was the development of Unit 01, the only Evangelion successfully created utilising genetic material from Lillith. While he had eventually agreed with her proposal, he had not expected her plan to willingly surrender herself to further advance the project. "I had originally hoped that a Virtual System patterned off of Rei would suffice in the long term, negating the continued need for Shinji's presence." After Rei's failed activation experiment with Unit 00 all those months ago and Unit 01's eventual rejection of all other means of control, he had been left with no other available recourse but to employ his own son in whatever capacity necessary.

Despite everything that had happened, Kouzou could understand why Gendou had exploited Shinji's natural ability as a Pilot; even if could not yet bring himself to condone what had ultimately happened. "Without an acceptable Pilot," He reasoned, "Unit 01 cannot become the key to artificially starting Third Impact." Staring out at the immobile form of the Test Type Evangelion, Kouzou tried to visualise what had become of Yui and her son. The young, vivacious woman of his memories motivated to self-sacrifice by her own beliefs and convictions, the other, her only child, a victim of those self same beliefs and convictions. "Although now that Lillith's copy has gained an operational S2 Engine I would imagine that an inoperable Unit 01 would please the Committee." The former Kyoto University Professor could still bring to mind how the Committee had expressed their dissatisfaction at Gendou's selection of his own son as the Third Children and subsequent designation as the Pilot of Unit 01. They suspected an ulterior motive. It was, Kouzou mused, Gendou Ikari they were dealing with after all. A man that never acted without good reason. But they were blinded by the obvious. He found it laughable that Keel and his cohorts, arguably some of the most devious people alive, could not see why, after so many years of devoting his attention to Rei, Gendou would suddenly demanded his estranged son's presence. Because he had a use for him. Kouzou concluded poignantly.

"Once Unit 01 is recovered and suitably restrained, Doctor Akagi will attempt to salvage our '_Acceptable Pilot'_." A decade ago he had had to endure a similar procedure when Unit 01 had taken Yui. At the time he was oblivious to the fact that it was her intention to become one with EVA and that lack of knowledge had almost destroyed him. "If successful, the Third Children will then return to the active duty roster." Now, with an improved understanding of what to expect, he would wait and plan accordingly for either outcome. "And if his recovery proves unsuccessful, we still have Rei."

With an arched eyebrow and a feigned expression of disbelief, Kouzou turned to gaze at the man that he considered synonymous with the word '_Absolute_'. "First you speak of '_hope_' and now you talk of '_attempts_' and '_if's_'." Unbidden, an image of the man that had once been Gendou Rokubungi sprang to mind. Dishevelled, tactless and ignorant. Kouzou wondered whether the perception of Gendou he had fabricated over the years in his mind had been mistaken all along. "How unlike you Ikari, to bother with such ineffectual pretence."

"Touché Sensei." A dry chuckle escaped Gendou's lips as he reflected on his own words. "But regardless of the result, for each piece of the scenario that deviates from our original objective, there is an alternative that will compensate accordingly." Glancing down at his display screen, Gendou quickly examined the latest update submitted for his information. "The day that Yui, you and I have been working towards is fast approaching and unlike Keel and the Committee, I will not allow anything or anyone to stand in the way of our success."

Walking into the centre of the office, Kouzou directed his eyes to the ceiling and traced along the Cabbalistic symbols engraved there. "It may be pure speculation," As he always did when following the twenty-two paths of the Tree of Sephiroth, he hypothesized the significance of the map. From what he understood of its meaning, it supposedly showed the way to true wisdom, the future or how to attain spiritual enlightenment, "but I suspect that the Committee was well aware that they were placing the fox in charge of the henhouse."

"Yes, but they made the mistake of giving this fox the keys that grant him passage to the banquet that resides within." Indicating that he had something of interest to share with his Deputy Commander, Gendou drew Kouzou's attention to the communiqué he had just received. "It also appears our latest acquisition is already making himself known." Gendou enhanced the security footage that revealed a pale, effeminate teenaged boy dressed in what appeared to be an atypical school uniform, engaged in conversation with both the Head of the Technology Development Department and the Leader of the Tactical Military Operations Department.

Standing over Gendou's shoulder, Kouzou stared at the image of the strangely Caucasian youth. "So this is the one?"

"Yes." Gendou answered, closing the security footage and opening an encrypted dossier that detailed all the available information that he had managed to accumulate piece together. "The Fifth Children. Born on the 13th of September, 2000."

"How apt." Kouzou remarked dryly. "The day of Second Impact."

"An orphan apparently raised by the Committee." Gendou quickly inspected the data, familiarising himself with the contents.

"The 17th Messenger." Kouzou murmured flatly, pausing for a moment to deliberate on what it meant to the scenario they were carefully cultivating. "The timing is wrong Ikari." He muttered, massaging his jaw. "Why send him to us now?"

Closing the data file down, Gendou leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. "The '_why_' itself is unimportant old friend." He answered, bending his thoughts to the potential problem the Fifth Children's appearance now created. "The fact of the matter is he is here now and we must accommodate his premature appearance."

"What do you suggest?" Kouzou asked, wondering what the consequences would be if they were to '_remove_' the 17th Messenger ahead of schedule and out of order.

"I want him placed under constant surveillance." Gendou smiled as a solution suddenly presented itself. "We should also arrange suitable accommodation. It would be remiss of us if anything untoward should happen before the appropriate time of his demise."

"Understood." Kouzou nodded as he prepared to leave and ensure everything necessary was suitably taken care of. "And what of the Committee's other agent?" He added, pausing at the doorway. "The man has an uncanny ability to see through the deceptions and false leads we have carefully created. Even with the little knowledge we have allowed him to access, our erstwhile truth seeker will eventually become more than just an annoying diversion."

"All in good time Fuyutsuki." Gendou replied, his low, soft voice sounding ominous inside the dimly lit, cavernous office.

_**Central Dogma**_

Misato threw the sheaf of papers Ritsuko had handed her minutes before down onto her temporary desk. "There has to be some sort of mistake Ritsuko," Frowning across the provisional makeshift office at the source of her latest problem, she lowered her voice so the young man leaning idly against a wall wouldn't hear her. "I don't have anywhere to put him." She hissed quietly.

"Actually, yes you do." Ritsuko countered blithely, ignoring Misato's obvious intent to keep the volume of the conversation subdued.

"Tell me then '_Miss-Know-It-All'_," Misato demanded, the volume of her voice rising sharply, "where do I put him? I'm not exactly in the market for an underage boy-toy and I'm pretty sure Pen-Pen isn't ready for a room mate at this point in his life." Misato knew she was being unreasonable and perhaps she had become too accustomed to Shinji's shy awkwardness, but something about this new Child unsettled her. I don't even want to contemplate how Asuka's going to react.

Under her breath, Ritsuko began cursing both the Commander and Deputy Commander for dropping the whole thing into her lap. "You're forgetting Shinji's old room." Having pulled the pin on the conversational grenade, she waited for the ensuing explosion.

Misato fell silent for several seconds before managing to find her voice. "I think you're the one who's forgetting things Doctor Akagi." When she finally managed to respond, her voice carried an undertone that suggested that she was only barely managing to contain her anger. "What about Rei? That's her room as well. Just because they may loo-"

"Commander Ikari has relocated me to one of the available rooms at NERV Headquarters Major Katsuragi." A soft girl's voice interjected.

"Rei!" Misato yelped, startled by the young girl's unexpected appearance seemingly from out of thin air. "How long have you been standing there?"

"I have only just arrived." Rei answered evenly before turning to face the blonde scientist at her side. "Doctor Akagi, I am here at the request of Pilot Sohryu. She has expressed a," Rei hesitated, searching for an appropriate way to phrase what the Second Children had demanded, "'_desire_' to have her release expedited."

"Hang on Rei." Misato cut in, confused by the sudden shift in conversation. "What are you talking about?"

Rei inclined her head back towards Misato. "Sohryu would like to leave the hospital recovery ward and return to her room at your apartment." It technically wasn't what Asuka had stated, but she felt reluctant to repeat the offensive declaration verbatim.

"No, not about Asuka wanting to leave the hospital." Misato said, shaking her head. "About you living at Headquarters."

"Commander Ikari has deemed it necessary." Rei answered, her eyes dipping towards the floor. "I cannot disregard his direct order." The bond she had formed and developed with Shinji had become an integral part of her life. The Commander had instructed her to simply forget what had happened and abandon any emotional baggage that would interfere with her actual purpose. The problem was, now that the floodgate to her emotions had been opened, she lacked the understanding on how to return her former emotional apathy.

Misato leaned back against her desk, shaking her head slowly from side to side. "That's just great."

Moving across the room to stand next to her beleaguered friend, Ritsuko placed a comforting hand on Misato's shoulder and squeezed gently. "Rei, tell Asuka she's fine to return home. I'll fill out the paperwork later." She motioned towards the door, indicating that the young girl should leave. "Misato and I have some things to take care of so Asuka will have to find her own way home."

"Understood Doctor Akagi." Bowing slightly, Rei turned to leave only to find her path blocked by a teenaged boy. The moment her eyes connected with his, she felt herself nearly overpowered by an infuriating need to annihilate him. It was only the rigid discipline learned at the hands of the Commander that stilled the rage and fury that had simmered beneath her skin. From deep inside her ego, she heard a single word reverberate.

'_ENEMY_'

"I believe I will accompany you Ayanami-san." Kaworu said, his eyes dancing with the knowledge that he was well aware of what his presence was doing to the girl. "After all, I really should introduce myself to Sohryu-san considering we will be colleagues sharing the same living quarters."

In that instant, Rei felt her composure evaporate and she turned back to Misato for confirmation. "Misato-san?" She asked, unable to keep her voice from trembling. Once again she found herself reacting in an unexpected fashion. One minute striving to remain focussed and calm for the sake of Commander Ikari, the next, remembering the blissful times shared with Shinji only to suffer the heartrending pain of his absence. Now she found herself hating someone enough to want to physically harm them only to fall prey to fear and anxiety within the space of a heartbeat.

With a beleaguered look on her face, Misato faced the young, obviously confused young girl that had lost so much in such a short space of time. "It looks like the Commander has decided that Nagisa-kun will be living with me and Asuka for a while." Her eyes flickered over to the young boy, disturbed by his continual relaxed behaviour. "At least until he becomes accustomed to things here in Tokyo-3." And Misato was determined that this new Pilot would become accustomed as soon as humanly possible, thereby reducing the length of his stay in her home.

Rei's hands balled into fists, tightly clutching the fabric of her skirt. "So he will be occupying Shinji's room." The words were simply a statement of fact. She rationalized that it was inconceivable that either Misato or Asuka would allow this unknown male to share their personal sleeping quarters, especially when there was a perfectly good bedroom available.

"For the time being, yes." There was little more Misato could say that would console the poor girl's feelings and even less she could do that would make everything all right again. So she did the only thing that she could. "I'm sorry Rei." Misato apologised, drawing the young girl into a gentle embrace.

Restraining the tears of loss that threatened to escape, Rei forced herself to move clear of the older woman's sympathetic attentions. "You do not need to apologise Major." Bowing once again, she mouthed a silent word of appreciation for Misato's gesture of compassion and empathy. "I will inform Sohryu that she can return home." Without waiting for either woman to respond, Rei quickly exited the room, intending to inform the Second Children of her release and hastily return to her own quarters where she could bury herself beneath Shinji's clothes and saturate her senses with the memory of what had once been hers.

Keeping a few paces behind the quiet First Children, Kaworu studied the young girl before deciding to remind her of his presence. "You seem mildly upset Ayanami-san. Do you find my presence bothersome?"

"No." Rei answered, refusing to allow the newcomer's voice to antagonise and aggravate her any further.

"Or is it that I have usurped your previous living quarters with Katsuragi-san and Sohryu-san?" Kaworu asked, increasing his pace so that he now walked beside her.

"No." Rei repeated, declining the noticeable invitation to engage in meaningless conversation.

Amused by her reactions, Kaworu decided to provoke her further. "I was wondering then, if you could tell me about Shinji Ikari-kun, the Third Children." He asked casually, knowing full well that the First and Third Children had been considered something of an '_Item_'. "I attempted to access his file earlier, but all information pertaining to his life and present whereabouts have been removed from the system."

Increasing her speed, Rei struggled to ignore the constricting pain that threatened to crush her lungs. "Requests for restricted information should be submitted through the proper channels."

"Perhaps I will," Kaworu nodded sagely, "although I believe I will simply wait for his return." The presence he had felt during the recent confrontation was definitely that of Shinji Ikari. Standing in the presence of Unit 01, he had sensed the Pilot's lingering awareness concealed inside the man made mockery.

"Shinji will not be returning Pilot Nagisa." Rei said flatly, choking on the words that left her feeling weak and nauseous.

Coming to a standstill, Kaworu stared at the First Children, his piercing red gaze hinting at the truth that lay dormant inside. "You are mistaken Child of Lillith." His quiet words echoed loudly in the hallway, causing the girl to stop and face him. "About a great many things."

"Who are you?" Rei asked, intrigued and alarmed by what she was beginning to suspect.

"We are similar Rei Ayanami." The fluorescent lights flickered wildly before exploding, scattering small shards of glass throughout the corridor as Kaworu slowly floated into the air, the atmosphere surrounding him becoming heavy and oppressive. "You and I are both caretakers of opposing destinies and like you;" His care-free expression disappeared, replaced by a look of solemn resignation, "I have a decision to make concerning what to do with mine."

_**Ikari Household – Osaka Prefecture**_

Yawning expansively, Shinji gradually came to the realisation that regardless of whether he felt like snoozing for a little while longer, his body apparently had other ideas. The slowly developing and annoyingly uncomfortable sensation he felt in the region of his bladder just another telltale sign that his physiology was in disagreement with his conscious desire to nap for just a moment longer.

_What was I dreaming about? _He mused, blinking back the light of the sun. A soft touch to his cheek further roused him from the fringes of slumber, the delicate contact causing the final vestiges of his dream to evaporate and escape his grasp.

"You're finally awake, dearest one." A gentle, feminine voice whispered, sounding strangely pleased with itself as the fingertips continued to caress and stroke along the length of his jaw.

Looking upwards towards the source of the familiar yet curiously different voice, Shinji found his gaze locked with that of someone he knew all too well. "Rei-chan?" He murmured, a tumultuous wave of emotions crashing down upon the shores of his psyche "What are you doing?" He asked, confused by the situation. Although he had often found Rei waiting for him to wake back in Misato's apartment, patiently watching over him while he slept, it still unsettled him to a small degree. Given that his head currently rested comfortably in her lap, something he considered a welcome and altogether pleasant proposition, only added to his anxiety. Especially when the person in question appeared some ten years older than when he had last seen her. It was if at some point, an extraordinarily stunning young woman had replaced the quiet, beautiful girl of his memories and her once uncertain smile now a playful one of intimate contentment.

"Rei-chan?" Rei laughed softly, covering her mouth. "That brings back memories." Rei's glistening crimson eyes lost focus momentarily as she recalled the early days of their burgeoning relationship. "You haven't called me that since we were high school." Her smile developed a more sultry and sensuous lustre. "As for what I am doing?" Brushing a stray lock of her long, silky hair back behind her ear, she leaned down to brush her lips against Shinji's. "I was waiting for my darling husband to awaken." The soft kiss immediately developed an intensity that spoke clearly about her intentions for where the rest of the conversation was eventually destined.

Shinji found himself desperately returning the kiss before breaking from the passionate embrace. "Husband?" Shinji felt a bewildering sense of confusion. "Since when?" He was confident that marrying Rei, or anyone else for that matter, was something that he was unlikely to forget about.

Ever.

_Just what is going on here? _His panicked mind demanded.

"Are you feeling unwell, Dearest One?" Disconcerted by his reactions, Rei gently pressed her forehead to Shinji's. "You lack any perceptible fever." Rei commented, concerned that something serious was affecting her beloved partner in life.

Under Rei's anxious gaze and warm touch, a series of images assaulted Shinji's senses. Images that rapidly wove themselves into a tapestry that was the story of his life beyond that of his existence in Tokyo-3.

'_Managing to survive the threat of the Angels and witnessing the return of his mother.'_

'_Refusing to live with his parents, unable to forgive and forget everything that had happened, regardless of how much his mother pleaded.'_

'_Finishing High School and leaving Tokyo-3, his friends and family behind to attend University in Osaka, Rei, his fiancé at his side.'_

'_Graduating University, marrying the love of his life and deciding to abandon his own family name in favour of Rei's.'_

'_Settling down and beginning a career as a High School Guidance Counsellor at a modest High School, with Rei pursuing her own path in authoring and illustrating young children's books.'_

'_And finally, raising a family of their own.'_

The memories showed an unremarkable and quiet life for both himself and Rei, almost too ordinary given the circumstances of their childhoods.

"But then it is understandable." Rei continued, kissing Shinji again. "You are often taciturn after receiving a message from your parents." She whispered, recalling the heated words that had been exchanged when Shinji had finally relented after several years to attempt some form of family reconciliation. But instead of time healing the wounds of the past, it had only increased the painful gulf that lay between the parents and their son.

"Father." Shinji muttered, unable to suppress the conflicting emotions that engulfed him whenever he contemplated the man associated with the word. "Mother." He choked, scrambling to his feet. Shinji clutched at his head, grimacing at the pain that now threatened to split his head in half. "Dummy System" Images of a battle against an Angel that he couldn't recall clearly burst vividly into the forefront of his mind. Pure, unadulterated agony welled up from deep within, forcing him to bite his tongue lest it escape as a tortured scream.

_Rei! Asuka! Misato-san! Everyone! _

A devastated Tokyo-3 and a ruined Geo-Front loomed large and menacing amidst the torrent of conflicting images and memories. And above all, a ravenous hunger that could only be satiated through violence and destruction.

"Mama. Is Papa hurt?"

Despite the crippling agony, Shinji turned to face the new voice. A small child, a little girl with long braided dark indigo hair tied back by a bright pink bow and large violet hued eyes clutched at Rei's apron. "Sakuya." He spoke the name without knowing where the knowledge originated from that this was his daughter. The culmination of his and Rei's union.

"Papa just stood up too quickly." Patting the girl's arm, Rei smiled warmly, comforting and reassuring the child that everything was fine. "That's all Sakuya. There's nothing to worry about." She added, encouraging the girl over towards her father.

Still uncertain, even with the confident, reassuring words of her mother, Sakuya Ayanami tentatively walked over to her father. "Papa?" She asked, tugging at the crease of his slacks. "Are you okay?" Her large eyes shimmered with moisture as the tears began forming.

"I'm fine Princess." With the pain now suddenly diminishing, Shinji smiled, deciding to ignore the unpleasant sensation that had momentarily affected him. With the gaps in his memory now filling up and fleshing out his life, a sense of comfortable normality settled over him. Picking his little girl up, Shinji laughed for what felt like the first time in a very long time. "Everything's just fine." He assured her, pulling his little princess close to his chest and spinning around on the spot.

"Yes." Rei watched her husband and daughter continue to laugh together, their concerns all but forgotten. "Everything is just how it should be." She whispered to no one in particular, moving across the room to join them in their fun.

_**End Seventeenth Refrain**_

Tbc - It appears I no longer have a choice. "Complete it or Suffer." Was one Fan-Girl's stern warning. She knows where I live, which adds credence to her threat.

Pre-Reader / Proof Reader – None (I'll do something about it eventually, it's just difficult to overcome the extreme apathy I'm feeling towards writing in general.)

Authors Post-Rant –

This took more than I was really going to give. And I thought my day job was tough. (And it is. Believe me when I say it is) Next update is uncertain but will most likely occur when I least expect it.

There are a few things I want to clarify a little.

Kaworu will be more like his manga counterpart than the anime. It still gives me chills when I read the part where he snapped the neck of that stray kitten simply because Shinji was unwilling to take it and look after it.

Rei has only recently learned what it is to feel, love and live and has to now deal with the loss associated with what has happened. So if she appears somewhat emotionally unstable, you can understand why.

Also, for those that haven't played Shin Seiki Evangelion 2 on the PS2 (Had to import mine from Japan), it explains some of what I've used in this story. Like Yui Ikari's father being a high ranking member of the Committee for Human Complementation and that she was the one that decided to 'Give' herself to Unit 01 during her first and only activation experiment.

As always, post your reviews and comments here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at I don't check it as often as I should. (Gomen in advance)

Ja Ne -


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